Out of Sight, But in My Mind
by devonshire64
Summary: While searching for answers to their mysterious past Sam starts to experience frightening flashbacks. The only problem? The memories aren't his.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello everyone. I was going to wait to post this until I finished 'On the Turning Away' but it made a little more sense to post them together for some chapters. This is the second part to my 'mid-season' finale 'Afterglow'. I hope everyone enjoys, as always let me know what you think :). Postings for this story will be every friday. Also, for anyone who doesn't know, this is part of my Something Lost series. _

_**D: this is all just for fun. **_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 1

Sam sat on the cold stone bench, facing three marble headstones. He didn't know what to do, what to say. There, no more than four feet in front of him were the remains of the Harrison family— but he was at a loss. Ever since returning to Valley Sam had wanted to visit Evelyn's final resting place, and after seeing her spirit the desire grew even more. Sam needed to know her again, to understand her. There was something about Evelyn he needed to figure out, but Sam just couldn't put his finger on it. He didn't know if it was because she was one of the psychic children or if it was something different, he just knew he needed to understand her, to learn from her.

She had a message for him, Sam knew it, he just needed to figure out what that message was. Whatever Evelyn was doing to cross over, it was making her words jumbled and cryptic. It was like trying to listen to a skipping record, like piecing together the shards of an old stone tablet. The message was important, very important, but for the life of him Sam just couldn't figure it out. Sam studied the headstones again, the names carved intricately across the marble surface alien and familiar to him at that same time.

To the world Evelyn Harrison was just a name, just letters. The world would never really know her, never see what effect she could have had, what future she could have lived. And it was the same with Elizabeth and Tom. Mrs. Matthews had known Elizabeth when they were children and Sam could remember long afternoons spent in the Matthews' candy shop, listening to stories of Elizabeth. It was like looking back on another life, another time Sam wasn't privy to. Even as an adult, it was hard to imagine his parents as children, as teenagers. To Sam, they were the adults he'd always known.

But there were lives lived when he wasn't around, it was the natural way of the world. People moved throughout life quietly, leaving a mark sometimes seen by all, but more often only witnessed by a few. Sam often wondered what his mark would be, what his legacy would be. He looked around the cemetery, a few of the headstones weathered by time, the names no longer legible. Was that a legacy? A bit of smoothed stone loved ones stopped visiting long before. Once Kerri, Dean, and himself were gone, no one would remember Evelyn, no one would be left to tell stories— and that idea broke Sam's heart. He wanted people to know her, to remember her story, to understand her life, but he knew that was never going to happen. She, like Jessica was now marked by nothing more than a slab of stone.

Sam slid off the bench, kneeling in the wet grass. He still held a small bouquet of flowers in his hand. It seemed like an insignificant way to mark a life, but it was all Sam could do. He choked back a sob when he saw the other trinkets which lined the grave, the items weathered by time— he guessed they'd been placed there by Kerri shortly after her sister's death.

There were a few hair-ties Sam recognized from the days when Ev was still in pigtails. A small stuffed dragon Sam had once bought the little girl, and a sealed picture of the four of them, all standing proud by their bikes. Sam lifted the picture, wiping some dirt and rain water from the plastic housing. He couldn't believe it was his actual family in the picture. They all looked so alive, their futures laid about before them for the taking. But the photo was snapped when Sam was around eleven, leaving only a few more months until the world captured in that small photo had fallen apart completely.

Sam replaced the photo, laying the flowers he'd brought beside it. He let out a long breath, pushing his bangs back out of his eyes. A light rain had begun to fall as he kneeled before Evelyn Harrison's grave, but Sam wasn't phased by it. Sam thought Evelyn would be with him forever when they were kids, that he would escape the hunting world and then come back to take Evelyn with him. But that had turned out to be nothing more than a childish wish. He hadn't been able to save anyone.

He ran his hand along the cold marble headstone, tracing Evelyn's name, whispering as his hand ghosted over the letters. Evelyn. He still couldn't believe she was gone, that the Demon had claimed another person he cared about, stolen another innocent soul from the world. Sam wanted to save her, but he knew she was beyond his reach— or was she? There had to be something in the messages he was missing, some way of helping Evelyn, he just had to figure it out.

He jumped back when a shock like an electrical charge shot into his hand, racing up his arm as he traced over the letters of Evelyn's name. He rubbed his hand, standing as he eyed the gravestone. He couldn't figure out what in the weathered marble would cause such a reaction. He blinked a few times, suddenly feeling more tired than he knew he should. He tried to remain standing but felt his knees buckle. There were voices all around him, conversations growing on the wind, though he knew he was the only one in the cemetery.

_"There has to be something else, I can give you anything else."_

_"But it isn't 'anything else' that I want. This is my only offer."_

_"I won't."_

_"Then I can't help you."_

Sam blinked several times, staring at the headstone as his vision began to blur, a dark void creeping up around him, pulling him. The last thing he saw before he fell into unconsciousness was Evelyn's name carved on the smooth marble headstone.

66666666666666

"Maybe his phone's just out of range, Dean." Kerri voiced her opinion for about the hundredth time, making Dean grip the steering wheel harder.

"Cody's a bigger city than Valley, if we have bars, he's got bars."

"Maybe he just wants privacy while he's saying good-bye."

Dean had thought about that after the first call— but the fourth, no Sam should have answered that one. Something was wrong, Dean could feel it deep inside of him, something had happened to his brother. The blonde couldn't describe it, but he'd been hunting long enough to trust his instincts, and he'd been Sam's brother long enough to know everything the kid would think and do. If Sam wasn't answering his phone, it was because he couldn't.

The closest cemetery to Valley was in Cody, Wyoming, about thirty miles from the small mountain town. But to Dean, it may as well have been thirty thousand. It was a twenty minute drive, hell, he could even get there quicker, but nothing short of teleporting would be fast enough for Dean. He needed to get to Sam, even if it was only to have the oversized kid make fun of him for over reacting.

Dean blinked a few times, grabbing the Gatorade from the seat by Kerri— he really shouldn't be driving. Kerri had tried to talk him out of it, she'd even managed to grab the keys from him when he wasn't looking. But for all her speed she was no match for even an out of commission Dean, and he easily overpowered her. So she chose to nag him the entire drive instead. "Told you I should have drove."

"Would you just be quiet and give directions."

"How am I supposed to give directions and be quiet at the same time?"

Dean just shot her a look, letting her know now was not the time.

"Look, Dean, I'm sure he's fine. Maybe the phone's in the car."

"Just trust me on this, Ker. Something's not right." Suddenly, a thought occurred to Dean. "Have you been there, you know, where Evelyn is?"

"You mean her grave? You sound like Sam. Yeah, I've been there once."

"But, her body isn't there."

"Her body isn't anywhere." Kerri paused, pulling in a shaky breath before turning back to the window.

Dean could see she was trying hard to keep it together. Kerri rarely spoke of Evelyn, but when she did, it was always somber. Evelyn had been a light in their lives, a fun, crazy, loving ball of energy. Having her gone was like having the sun forget to rise. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, but still, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"We're going to her grave, Dean, it's hard not to bring it up."

Dean flinched at the word, the finality of those five letter beating down on him. Grave. It was one syllable, one word, but it held so much within it. There was no future at a gravesite, only a slowly fading past— and Dean still couldn't picture Evelyn that way. She was so full of life, so full of promise, and now she was nothing but a memory. He looked again at Kerri, another thought entering his mind. "You've been there before, though?"

"You just asked me that two seconds ago."

"But, your house."

"What about my house?"

"You've sealed off almost every place you could, it's not really the home of someone learning to cope."

"I never said I was learning to cope. I tried when they first died, but it wasn't really my thing."

"That's an understatement. So you haven't been here since?"

"No. Brian said it would be 'healthy' to come by and talk to her. To bring her some things she liked. So I sat like a good little kid and talked to the stone slab that's now apparently my sister."

"Feel better?"

Kerri huffed a light laugh— she was more like Dean than she would ever admit. "Not really."

"Yeah, I never really got the whole visit the grave thing." Dean answered absently, his mind drifting back to his mother's gravesite, to how adamant Sam was about visiting it after their father had passed. But like Kerri said, all it was was a slab of stone, no body beneath. It had no soul, no voice, no comfort, but then again, ghosts were easy, it was people Dean didn't understand.

"Some people find comfort in it. Sam seems to be one of them."

"That's cause Sam's girly."

"Oh yeah, that must be it." Kerri smiled, turning back to the window.

It wasn't their normal level of conversation, but it was better than the awkward silence Dean had been trapped in lately. Every time he asked Kerri about her past he learned more things he didn't want to hear. Evelyn was not only gone but had begun to turn and follow the Yellow Eyed Demon. Had Kerri not dropped an innocent looking silver bracelet Sam would be dead. And Tom Harrison had experimenting on his own daughter. It was just one piece of bad news after another, and Dean was afraid every conversation would lead down another dark road.

Dean wished everything would stop spiraling away from him, that the world would stand still for just a moment, just so he could catch his breath. But, every time he thought he had everything under control something else came along to shatter his reprieve. All he could do was hold on, cling to what he had like a lifeline. If he didn't fight he was going to lose, and that wasn't an option.

"Dean, are you alright?"

"Ask my after we find Sam."

Kerri just turned back to the window, obviously wanting to talk to him but not having the words. Dean knew she didn't want to go to her sister's grave, or anywhere near Cody, but he also knew Kerri would never deny his request. He asked for help getting to Sam, and Kerri had agreed, no matter what pain it caused her.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Kerri spoke after a few minutes, her voice miles away.

"Sorry about what?"

"I should have told you earlier. I shouldn't have let it go."

"Yeah well, we can't change what happened." Dean answered back quickly. Yes, she should have told him, she should have told him the freaking second Sam told her about Evelyn. He was sick and tired of all the damn secrets.

Kerri just took in a breath as she stared out the window, blinking a few times. Dean knew she was breaking, knew she was sliding away, but at that moment he couldn't stop it. He had to find Sam first, had to make sure his brother was ok. Once he knew nothing was trying to destroy the only family he had left, then he could turn to the monumental task of repairing his and Kerri's relationship.

They rode on for another few minutes, the large gate of the cemetery coming into view, the rain beginning to fall harder as they turned onto the dirt drive. Why did it always seem to be gloomy and rainy in cemeteries?

"She's in the back." Kerri spoke up, her eyes empty as she stared out the window. "There's a bluff over looking a river, she's over there."

"Ok." Dean answered quietly, following the winding road. Dean didn't want to think about Evelyn's final resting place, didn't want to picture some beautiful view of a river, some peaceful place. Evelyn was dead, there was nothing beautiful or peaceful about it. Some place dark and over grown, like the evil trail in a bad disney film, that would have been a more appropriate image of what Evelyn's death had done to those around her.

Dean reached the end of the road, pulling to a stop behind the firebird. His heart began to beat a little faster when he saw Kerri's car, knowing Sam was still somewhere in the cemetery. He killed the engine, pulling his jacket tighter as he climbed from the car, gripping the frame when a wave of dizziness swept over him.

"You ok, Winchester?"

'_Winchester,'_ Dean thought, great, she was pissed at him. "Just give me a sec." Dean answered, his eyes closed.

"Here." Dean felt a water bottle pressed into his hand. "Told you Gatorade was a bad idea."

"You're all about the I told you so's today." Dean smirked weakly, taking the water. He drank half the bottle in one gulp, the cool liquid waking him up a bit. Kerri was right, but he wasn't ever gonna tell her that.

"You ok?" she asked after another few minutes, Dean pushing off the car as the dizziness passed.

"Yeah, you?"

"Good as I'll ever be." she answered, pulling her jacket tighter against the damp air. It was the middle of the summer, but the hazy air made it feel more like fall.

The pair started down the long trail, small family plots dotting either side of it. Dean resolutely ignored the graves, keeping his gaze forward. He was here for the living, not the dead. They walked for a few minutes, the path turning gently in the hills, the land scrape dropping off to their right, the bluff they were standing on giving them a startling view of the large river beneath.

"It's right up there." Kerri pointed to a cluster of trees off the right of the path, three headstones grouped together in front of a marble bench.

Dean picked up his pace, his heartbeat growing with each step he took. He could see the headstones, could see the low fence, the bench, but he couldn't see Sammy. And an instant later, the reason for his younger brother's absence became frighteningly clear. Sam was laying on the ground, his body hidden behind the low fence.

"Oh my god." Kerri breathed, picking up her pace when Dean began to run.

"Sammy!" No, no, no, Dean kept chanting. Sam was alright, he had to be alright. "Sam!" Dean shouted again, hopping the fence and sliding to his brother's side.

Sam's skin was covered in a fine mist, his body cool to the touch, face pale. "Come on, Sammy." Dean breathed, shaking hands checking for his brother's pulse. After a few heart stopping seconds Dean found it. "Thank god." He let out a breath, checking Sam for injuries.

"What happened?" Kerri asked, still standing on the other side of the fence. Her eyes turned away from the three headstones. "Is he ok?"

"He's unconscious, but he's breathing. I can't see any injuries, he's just out."

"That's what he was like when he passed out while we were looking for you. Is that normal when he has a vision?"

"No. Come on, Sam, open your eyes." But Sam stubbornly refused to obey his quiet request.

"We should take him to Brian."

"I'd rather not." Dean answered, still trying to revive Sam. He didn't know much about the doctor, but he did know he didn't like the guy.

"Dean, the last time Sam passed out Brian said he needed an IV."

"Ker—."

Kerri's answer was cut off when Sam bucked in Dean's arm, the older man's years of training the only thing keeping his brother from hitting the ground. "Holy— Sam? Sammy?"

"You have to stop it." Sam panted, his eyes still closed tight, body still seizing. "You have to stop it."

"Stop what, Sam?" Dean shouted, holding Sam as he bucked again, his eyes flying open. Dean's heart nearly stopped. Instead of seeing Sam's normal brown eyes he was met by a pale blue gaze.

"You have to stop it."

"Stop what, Sammy?" Dean gripped his brother desperately, "stop what?"

"There's no way, no way to fight." Sam gasped, his breath coming in short, shallow pants, the young man crying out as his body seized again. "You have to stop the darkness in us."

And with that Sam went limp in his terrified brother's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

_hey all. thank you so much for all the great reviews, they make my day. as always, enjoy and let me know what you think. :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 2

Kerri sat on the receptionist's desk in the small main room of the clinic, the desk covered with more papers than she cared to think about. Brian was having trouble alone. She kicked her legs, eyeing Dean for the hundredth time, he was making her nervous. He'd been pacing for the last half hour, nearly breaking Brian's hand when the older man had tried to keep him out of the exam area. Dean was like a caged animal, but he always got that way when Sam was in trouble. It was one of the biggest differences between the brothers. Sam would relinquish control to the professionals, Dean would relinquish control to no one.

"You're not helping." Kerri began, rubbing her eyes, trying to fight back her growing headache. Sam's state at the cemetery had terrified her, the image of him convulsing on the ground burned in her mind. And the drive to the clinic hadn't been much better. Sam was stiller than death, barely breathing in his brother's arms, and Kerri could hardly keep herself together.

"Oh I'm sorry if I'm bothering you." Dean snapped, his eyes deadly— but Kerri was used to the look.

"Don't shoot the messenger. I'm just saying you're not gonna be able to help Sam if you pass out. If you've forgotten you almost died a few days ago."

"No, actually, I'd forgotten that little tidbit."

"Whatever, Winchester, run yourself into the freaking ground for all I care."

"Oh you'd like that, then you can drag me back to your little buddy Brian."

"Hey, I'm trying to help here."

"Big help. We take care of our own, Kerri."

"Sorry, I forgot this was planet Dean."

"Uh hm." The throat clear made both Dean and Kerri stop in their tracks, the pair silencing instantly as they turned to Brian. "I'm not interrupting, am I?" He asked cooly.

"How's Sam?"

"Unconscious, but stable." Brian began, looking between Dean and Kerri. "His blood sugar and potassium levels are way down again. I seem to remember telling both of you to rest." Brian eyed Dean, obviously noticing the hunter's slight sway.

"Told ya so." Kerri stated, not able to hold it back. She had told them so, over and over again, and she was getting tired of watching both Dean and Sam run themselves into the ground.

"I don't remember asking your opinion." Dean began, turning to her, the fire still in his eyes.

"Yeah well, tough, cause you're gonna get it. How many times have I told you two to take it easy."

"Take it easy, huh. Was Sam taking it easy when he went to Ev's grave and collapsed."

"And that's my fault now?"

"You're the one that sent him there."

"I didn't send him there, he asked where it was. And for your information, since _you_ were half conscious at the time, I told him to stay home for a few more days."

"Yeah well, if you wanted him to stay home you should have stopped him."

"Oh yeah, no problem, I'm just gonna block the door. Cause, you know, I can take on a guy twice my size."

"Sam's a push over."

"Maybe to you."

"Now I see what Sam was talking about." Brian broke in, eyeing the arguing pair.

Kerri closed her eyes, wishing Brian had kept his mouth shut. She could deal with a pissed off, worried Dean— Brian couldn't.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Dean snapped, turning his murderous eye to Brian.

The doctor had the sense to back up a step. "When you were here last, Sam said having a conversation with both of you together was a challenge."

"Last I checked you weren't part of this conversation."

"Dean, we don't need this right now."

"Kerri's right," Brian broke in, taking another step back. "Sam needs rest and I've got him on another IV."

"When can he go home?" Dean asked, his voice as cold as ice. Kerri sighed, she didn't really think Brian and Dean would get along.

"I can't say that at this point."

"Why the hell not?"

"One, he still isn't awake. And two, it's obvious he's not gonna get the care and rest he needs at home—."

"You son of a bitch." Dean advanced on Brian, sending the doctor back another few steps. Kerri was on her feet in seconds— words were one thing, but physical blows were another.

"Alright guys, calm down." Kerri stood between the two, both men's anger growing by the minute. Brian was a much more laid back guy than Dean was, but Kerri knew he could be just as scary when pushed to anger.

"No," Dean moved to push past Kerri, but the redhead stayed between the pair. "I wanna know what this pompous jerk thinks of me."

"Trust me, buddy, you don't."

"Last I checked I'm not your buddy."

"Guys, knock it off. Brian, why don't you go back to check on Sam."

"I don't want that man anywhere near Sammy again." Dean breathed out, still advancing on Brian, pushing Kerri forward as he went.

"Dean, he's the doctor."

"No, Kerri, let him go. I'd rather you stay with me and away from him anyway."

Kerri just closed her eyes, trying to resist the urge to kick Brian. It was years of trying to live up to the man that was Dean, something she told Brian he never had to do. But men were men, Kerri guessed, and now they were flexing their muscles— but she really didn't feel like scraping Brian up off the floor.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kerri felt Dean's muscles tense beneath her hand, his voice more piercing than she'd ever heard it before. She really needed to get the men apart because she was beginning to think Dean was gonna kill him.

"You know what it means. I've heard about you."

"You don't know anything about me."

"Oh no, care to explain the bullet and stab wounds I found? And then there's still the matter of Kerri getting jumped in her own home, and now Sam. You disappeared for years, never finished school, and from what the Millers say your dad was some kind of neo-army nut-job."

Dean pounced, Kerri still sandwiched between the men. Brian wasn't normally that much of an ass, but at that moment Kerri wished they'd just taken Sam home like Dean had asked. She could feel her sneakers sliding across the linoleum floor as Dean moved toward Brian, the older man too dumb to get out of the Winchester's way. He thought he was defending Kerri, but he was about to be dead wrong.

"Dean, calm down."

"Move, Kerri." Dean growled as he closed the distance and swung.

It all happened in an instant. Dean pulled his arm back and swung, just as Kerri reached up to stop him. She pulled his arm, hoping to stop the punch, but the older man had too much momentum. Kerri felt more than saw the blow, doubling over as the force of it caught her off guard. She would have laughed at Dean going from one hundred to zero in two tenths of a second if she wasn't currently struggling for air.

"Holy hell, Kerri." Dean breathed as she crumbled into his arms. "I told you to move."

"I thought— I didn't want you to kill him," she coughed, "body disposal and all that."

"So you offered?" Dean asked incredulously, lifting her chin so he could look into her eyes.

"Least I could do." Kerri smiled just a she felt another set of hands around her waist.

"Back up." Brian's words cut through the air behind her, his blue eyes set on Dean. Kerri had never heard his voice so cold, so piercing, so deadly. At that moment, Brian was doing a frightening impersonation of Dean. "I knew the cops were right."

"Brian, shut up." Kerri cough, trying to shrug out of his grip. "It wasn't Dean, I told you that already."

"Then tell me who the hell it was. Tell me what's been going on or I'll turn him into the cops myself."

Kerri looked up when she felt Dean tense, the hunter pulling her to her feet and out of Brian's arms, his steely green eyes never leaving the doctor. "You don't wanna know."

"You tell me, or I'll let every cop in this state know exactly where you are." Brian matched Dean's gaze.

"Brian—."

"A Trickster attacked her." Dean answered, his arms still on Kerri's elbows.

"Come again?" Brian asked, reaching again for Kerri, but Dean just pulled her back a step.

"It's a demigod, it can make things out of thin air, but things as real and dangerous as you and me."

"So you're insane."

"Call me what you want, but I'm telling you the god's honest truth. Your girl here, she's not what you think she is."

"Dean, stop."

"I know more about Kerri than you do." Brian countered, moving toward the phone.

"Oh I highly doubt it. Kerri said Evelyn used to pop up all over, scare the hell out of you." Dean began, smiling a bit when he saw Brian freeze. "Ever wonder about that?" Kerri just closed her eyes, she didn't want Brian to know, but she didn't have much of a choice.

"She was a sneaky kid."

"Sneaky kid, huh? Like popping up in a closet when she was walking down the hall a minute before, that kind of sneaky."

"You're a fucking lunatic."

"I'm a hunter, and so's your girlfriend. You've been to her house? I'm sure some stuff there made you wonder."

"Tom taught myths and legends."

"And the guns?"

"You just said she was a hunter."

"Let's just say we don't go after Bambi."

"Kerri, get over here."

"You never could really explain it all." Dean continued, moving Kerri until she was behind him. She couldn't look Brian in the eyes, couldn't see the devastation in them as his mind screamed the truth of Dean's words. Brian had already seen too much to deny what the blonde was saying.

"Kerri?" Brian asked, turning to the redhead. And at that moment Kerri wanted nothing more than to climb under a rock forever. Instead of answering she just bowed her head.

"What— what do you hunt?"

"Demons," Dean began, taking a step forward. "Spirits, banshees, black dogs, you name it."

"None of that is real."

"It's very real. Evelyn died because of it, same with my parents and Kerri's. Trust me, it's real."

"Kerri— Kerri knows how to hook up IVs. I can get you the supplies you need so you can leave when Sam wakes up."

"Brian—." Kerri tried to catch the older man but he just turned back down the hall. "Thanks, Dean."

"He needed to know."

"No, he didn't."

Dean was saved from answering her when a loud crash echoed down the hall. Both Dean and Kerri raced toward the commotion, their hearts beating fast as they made it to Sam's room. Brian was holding the brunette down, the hunter convulsion wildly as he cried out.

"Sammy," Dean began, rushing to the bed, holding Sam down as Brian moved away from the brothers, preparing a syringe. "What's that?"

"A sedative, it'll help." Brian waited for Dean's nod of approval before pushing the drug into Sam's IV. Within moments Sam began to settle. Dean was just about to release his grip when the young man's back arched again, Sam taking in a deep breath before his eyes flew open. And they were once again an icy shade of blue.

"You have to stop it." Sam breathed out, his eyes open but obviously not seeing.

"Stop what, Sammy?"

"The dark. Already lost them, please, Dean." Sam's eyes locked on Dean's almost as though the young man could see him. But Kerri knew Sam wasn't conscious. "I can't lose more."

"You won't." Dean began, relaxing his grip as the fits wracking Sam's body lessened. "You're not losing anyone else."

"How can you stop it?"

"I will."

"I couldn't save them."

"Who's them, Sam? Who couldn't you save?"

"None of us can be saved. Not in life and not in death."

"That's not true, Sam. Listen to me, that's not true."

Kerri held her breath while Sam stared at Dean, the icy blue gaze making her heart stop. Those weren't Sam's eyes, something was in the younger man. "Christo." she whispered, making Dean look up, but Sam didn't react. He just stared at Dean, the icy gaze unfathomable. His eyes shone bright with pain, with sorrow, with loss— and with hope, hope that Dean could fix all the wrongs of the world. Sam's eyes began to flutter, the man sagging in his brother's arms as Dean lowered him back to the bed.

"Dean?" Sam breathed, sleep tugging at him. He blinked his eyes open and to Kerri's astonishment, they were once again brown. "What's goin' on?"

"Nothing, Sam, it was just a nightmare, go back to sleep."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, kid, I'm sure. Just get some rest."

"'k." Sam mumbled before finally succumbing to the drugs.

"What the hell was that?" Brian asked, reminding Kerri he was in the room.

"That was normal." Dean deadpanned. "You know, the nice normal lives we live that you think don't exist."

"His eyes—."

"Yeah, I noticed."

666666666

Sam blinked a few times, the darkness around him slowly fading. He was in the old apartment once again, a single lamp lighting the space— Evelyn standing by the window. "Back to square one." Sam breathed, waiting for Evelyn to speak. He'd memorized her speech at this point, the brunette saying the same cryptic thing, over and over again.

"This is the only way."

Until now that is. "What?"

"I've made too many mistakes. I was trying to help but I just kept making mistakes." She was staring out the window, her back to him, but Sam could swear she was crying.

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"I can't make anymore. Every time, people die. I'm sorry, Sam." Evelyn turned to him, but instead of being met by her pale eyes, he was instead met by brown ones.

"What the— Evelyn?"

"There was no other way."

"No other way to what? What's going on."

"I can't save them, I can't save us. I'm so sorry."

"Evelyn, I need you to tell me what you mean."

"I'm sorry."

The room began to fade, the furniture turning back into shadows. He couldn't leave yet, he had to figure out what Evelyn was talking about, had to find the message he knew he needed. "Evelyn wait."

"I'm sorry, Sam."

The world around him continued to fade, Evelyn's form slowly swallowed by shadows as new voices met his ears.

_"There has to be something else, I can give you anything else."_

_"But it isn't 'anything else' that I want. This is my only offer."_

_"I won't."_

_"Then I can't help you."_

"Sam. Sam."

"Evelyn?"

"No, it's Dean, open your eyes."

Sam didn't want to, he wanted to go back to Evelyn, to figure out what she was trying so desperately to tell him. But Dean's persistent voice kept nagging him, pulling him back into consciousness. "Leave me alone."

"No can do, Sammy, now open your damn eyes so we can go the hell home."

That brought Sam around. If he wasn't home then where the hell was he? "Where?" he began, blinking against the too bright lights.

"Clinic from hell."

"What?"

"You're at Brian's clinic, Sam." He heard Kerri answer, Dean cursing when she smacked him. "Though today it was more like the WWF."

"Dean didn't get into trouble, did he?" Sam asked, smirking as awareness slowly came back to him. The last thing he remembered was getting a shock from Evelyn's headstone.

"You two are funny." Dean mumbled from somewhere beside Sam.

The young Winchester turned his head, is gaze falling on Dean. His brother was sitting in the chair by his bed, his skin pale and sweaty, bags under his eyes— he looked like something the cat dragged in then promptly stepped on.

"You look like hell." Sam breathed, rubbing his forehead.

"Right back at you, you ok?"

"Just a headache. How'd I get here. And why am I here?"

"Oh you know, you tell us you're gonna go see Ev's grave, and Kerri and I find you there all passed out and half dead— it was an eventful freaking morning."

"I what?"

"You passed out, again. And don't try the 'I didn't eat much' line on me this time, I know something's up."

"Can we talk about this at home?" Sam moaned, closing his eyes again. Home, somehow Kerri's house had become 'home'.

"Yes, but don't think you're gonna weasel your way out of this." Dean made to stand, swaying ominously before sinking back into the chair.

"You two are impossible." Kerri sighed before turning to the door. "Just rest, I'll get everything settled."

"Keep Brian away from me while you're at it."

"Oh, I plan on it. I've drug enough people to the hospital this week." Kerri gave Dean 'the look' before turning from the room.

"I take it I missed something." Sam began, eyeing Dean. His older brother really did look like roadkill, and Sam was instantly angry with himself. He should have made sure Dean was ok before venturing off after Evelyn. After all, Evelyn was gone, Dean was still with them.

"Only Kerri stopping me from kicking the pompous asshole's ass."

"He saved your life, Dean."

"No, you saved my life, Sammy, he's just taking the credit."

"Yeah, whatever."

"So, it's just you and me here, Sam, wanna tell me what's going on."

"What do you mean? I really think it's just stress—."

"No it isn't, Sam." Dean cut him off. He was staring him down, his voice even, calm— waiting for Sam's reply.

"Dean—."

"Who can't be saved, Sam?"

Sam's eyes flew open at Dean's words— how the hell did his brother know what Evelyn had said? "How?"

"You keep repeating it, over and over again."

"I don't know."

"Look, Sam, you can tell me."

"I really don't know, Dean, that's the truth."

"Ok. But, you know, Sammy, it's not true."

"What's not true?"

"We can be saved, I can save us."

Sam looked at his brother long and hard, the resolve in the older man's green eyes a deep comfort. He didn't know what Evelyn's message was, though he knew it was important— but suddenly, he didn't feel so alone. Gone were Dean's injuries, gone was the weakness lacing his brother's words. When Sam looked into that jade gaze all he felt was protection, support, and he held onto that like a lifeline. He needed Dean to be his big brother, to set things right, to make it all better— because that was what his big brother did.


	3. Chapter 3

_hello everyone. thank you all so much for the great reviews. :) on with the show. _

_to clarify, this series follows the show up until the second season finale. after that point, it branches away. so, sam didnt go to the ghost town with the other kids, dean didnt get rid of the YED. and the deal was never made. at this point in the series, it would be late season 3. summer 2008_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 3

Brian stood in his office, staring off into the rainy dusk, his reflection staring back at him from the dirty window. He knew, deep in his heart that Kerri had kept something hidden from him— but he never could have guessed it was this. He thought maybe her father, or someone else— Dean— had done something to her when she was a child, scarred her, broke her into what she was now. But he was wrong. How could he have been so wrong? He tried to protect Kerri, tried to save her from the darkness of the world, the evils of the world, never knowing it was within that darkness that she dwelled. He suddenly felt like a fool. He tried to be her knight in shining armor, and she never really needed it.

But she had agreed to marry him, why?

It was the one piece of the puzzle that didn't make sense. Kerri lived outside the realms of normal, lived in the shadows. She knew things about the world no one else did, saw life from a vantage point most would never know— and through it all she had her hero. So why marry him? Why fall for him? Was it some kind of game? Did she need a husband for some kind of bizarre ritual?

A knock on the door made Brian jump, the man backing up a few steps when Kerri came into the office. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"No, no, it's ok. You need something?" Brian asked, moving back into a corner, not sure if Kerri's head was gonna start spinning. But the soft sadness in her eyes made him relax— a little.

"Sam's awake." She answered quietly, reading his body language and keeping her distance.

She looked innocent enough, looked like the girl he'd loved. Same blue eyes, same red hair, same soft smile. She looked like Kerri. But the Kerri he knew was an artist— not some lunatic zombie killer.

"Oh, that's good. So you can go."

Kerri bowed her head, taking a deep, shaky breath. And Brian instantly found his resolve fading. She looked like Kerri because she was Kerri. Dean's words didn't change who she was at her core. It wasn't like his statement morphed the girl. "Yeah— yeah I guess we'll go." She spoke sadly before turning to the door.

"Kerri." Brian called out, making her stop. He had to know the truth. "Why did you agree to marry me? I mean, with what you do and all, marrying doctors doesn't really seem like the norm. Was it for like a spell or something?"

Brian was taken aback when Kerri laughed, her eyes shinning like they hadn't in years. "Well, I was gonna make a big batch of hubby stew, but I think that's out for right now."

Brian smiled despite himself, his heart aching for the girl standing in front of him. He'd loved her since the moment he saw her, and he was afraid nothing would ever change that. Not monsters, not demons— hell, not even Dean. "Seriously, why?"

"Because I wanted to."

"But the demons, and stuff. And Dean."

"We demon hunters are allowed to get married, you know. I'm not a nun. And what about Dean?"

"Well, you know, he's one of your own kind."

"Trust me, that man's in a 'kind' all his own. Brian, just because I was raised different than you thought doesn't make me a different person."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have believed me, or had me committed?"

"Good point."

"I was trying to get out. I didn't want to be apart of that life or my family anymore."

"Why?"

"Well, for one, hunters don't have long life expectancies. But there was a lot more going on. I'm more of a freak than you think. More than most people think."

"I wanna know, Kerri." Brian began, sitting on the desk, motioning for Kerri to come closer. He couldn't be afraid of her, it just wasn't in him.

"My dad was a hunter, so was Dean and Sam's. Our moms were killed in house fires when we were all little."

"I know. I heard about the fire."

"Let's just say the fire wasn't all that, natural."

"What?"

"It was a demon. It was in both Sam and Evelyn's rooms when they were little babies, it killed our mothers when they— got in the way."

"Got in the way of what?"

"I don't know. But, that's kind of what started everything. I met Dean a few years later. Whenever his dad needed help on hunts he came here, and Dean and I just grew up that way. They had a falling out when we were teenagers, Sam was hurt. John took the boys and left, I didn't see them again till last year."

"And Evelyn?"

"The kids the demon was after, they all have something in common. They're psychic. Or have some kind of psychic ability."

"Are you telling me Evelyn could astral-project?" Brian had always been fascinated by the mind— briefly considering neurology when he was still in school.

"Yeah, it's how she managed to pop-up here and there."

"And Sam?"

"He has vision, of people's deaths."

"That's awful."

"Yes and no, he's managed to save a few people with it from what Dean tells me."

"But, why get out of it?"

"I lost faith, in everything, but my father mostly. My condition wasn't necessarily natural either."

"He did that to you on purpose?" Brian had always liked Tom, admired the man, but now he wanted to bring him back from the dead to kick his hypocritical ass. Tom had always told Brian he needed to look out for Kerri, to keep her safe, keep her with him. And when Brian said he was taking her to Ireland, Tom had nearly forbidden the trip. It wasn't until he had Brian's word that nothing would happen to his girl that Tom relented. And now he was learning that all Kerri's problems, all her setbacks were her father's doing.

"I think the seizures were an unforeseen consequence."

"Why're you defending him?"

"Cause I know my dad, there had to be some reason why he did what he did. I mean— he can't, he wouldn't."

"Kerri." Brian began, resting a hand on the back of her neck. "I can't begin to understand your life, I really can't. But I haven't gone anywhere, I can still take you away."

"You two stop for a pizza or something?" Dean's voice broke through the quiet moment, making Brian cringe— the guy really did have timing. "It's been like an hour."

"It has not," Kerri shot back. "It's been ten minutes, fifteen tops."

"Well it felt like an hour."

"That's cause you have the attention span of a gerbil."

"Whatever, is everything for Sam set?"

"Yeah, the supplies are on the table in the closet— Kerri knows where."

"Come on, Dean."

"No." Brian began, stopping them in their tracks. "I need Dean to sign some papers." he began lamely. Kerri and Dean both just raised their eyebrows.

"Brian—."

"It'll just be a few minutes."

Kerri's eyes slid to Dean, the two speaking to each other with nothing more than a look. The moment lasted only briefly before Dean nodded at her to go, but the short interaction still broke Brian's heart. Dean knew Kerri on a level he would never be able to. "Kerri told me before I'm not allowed to hit you."

"Good, good. Uh, Dean, it's just—."

Dean rolled his eyes, motioning for Brian to get on with it.

"I wanted to say I was sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

"Yeah well, I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen a lot."

"It's just," Brian spoke again when Dean turned to leave. "Tom trusted me with her, you know. He kept her on such a short leash when I met her, always checking on her, asking where she was, who she was talking to, what she was doing. When he let her go a little, I felt like it was my job to look after her. She was mine. When she got hurt, I was afraid I'd failed her."

Dean stood silent for a few minutes, studying Brian with sharp eyes— it was like being under a magnifying glass. "Tom was never worried when it came to Kerri."

"Yeah, he was. Maybe not when you knew her, but after the seizures started, he practically kept her locked in that house. There was something about her that scared him."

"And he trusted you?"

"Yeah well, I might not be part of team caped crusaders, but I can handle myself."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

"He didn't want me to keep her safe from, you know." Brian waved his hand, still not able to have a level headed conversation about demons and monsters. "It was more like he wanted me to keep her trapped in this little bubble. I mean hell, even when I took her overseas he told me I had to only let her in specific places. Places she'd already read all about."

Something flashed across Dean's face— recognition— and Brian instantly knew there was a supernatural reason for Tom Harrison's often strange requests. "Don't even tell me, I don't wanna know." He held up a hand. There was something about Kerri, something different, well more different than her being Van Helsing's best friend. But Brian didn't care. Kerri was the woman he'd been in love with, the woman he knew, and he didn't want anymore secrets tarnishing that image.

"That's the first smart thing you said all day."

"Bottom line is, I couldn't keep her safe, I let her go. I just hope she's safer with you than me."

6666666666666

"We can be saved, I can save us." Dean spoke the words slowly, trying to convey the sincerity of those words to Sam. He had to save them, there was no other option. He couldn't let anyone else in his life slip away— he refused.

He smiled a bit, watching the stress drain away from his younger brother's eyes. Sammy still trusted him completely, and Dean knew he always would. It was a heavy weight to bear, but the blonde wouldn't have it any other way.

"What's going on with you, Sammy?" Dean asked, sighing as he leaned down against the bed— he was really starting to feel like crap. As much as he hated to admit it Kerri was right, he really needed some rest.

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing." Dean stated, talking to Sam the way he used to when his brother had a bad dream or a bad day at school. "I miss her too, you know."

The understatement of the century. There were no words to describe the void left by Evelyn's death. But Evelyn was gone, and Sam was still here. Sam just sighed, taking in a deep, shaky breath but not speaking.

"Kerri told me about Evelyn, at the Roadhouse." Dean tried, thankful when Sam's eyes fell on him. "You can talk to me, Sam."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Dean."

"You can start by telling me what happened at the cemetery."

"I don't remember." Sam answered, looking away, letting Dean know he was lying.

"I can't help you if you don't let me know what's going on." When Sam didn't answer Dean tried another tactic. "Seeing Evelyn again, like she used to be, I know it had to be hard--."

"She wasn't like she used to be."

"Huh?"

"She wasn't a kid like we remembered. She was an adult, twenty-two. Like she was when she died."

"Oh." Dean whispered, looking down at the bed. It was an image he never wanted to see. Knowing the spitfire little girl he remember was gone was one thing, seeing what the future would have been, what she had grown to be was something else entirely. Knowing her has a child made the memory more distant, less real. Seeing her as a twenty-two year old, a woman, would have made the loss as fresh as it truly was. After all, it had only been three years since her death.

"Yeah."

"That why you went to go see her?"

"She wasn't there." Sam answered absently, the hurt evident in his voice. Dean knew she wouldn't be there, according to Kerri she wasn't anywhere. "It was silly."

"No it wasn't."

"It's just. She was like me, Dean, and now she's gone. They're all dying. Max, Webber, Scott, Ava, Evelyn, and who knows how many more. What's that say about me?"

"That you're not them. Just because they lost doesn't mean we will. I mean, they didn't know what was out there, didn't know the truth or how to fight it."

"Evelyn did. She knew just as much about it as we did, maybe even more. And she's still gone."

"That's because I wasn't there. You're different, Sam."

"We were there when Kerri had her seizures. Damn it, Dean, she hit her head so hard on the floor she was in the hospital for two days. I thought she was gonna leave, too. Dad almost sent her away. We couldn't help them then, what makes now any different." Sam groaned, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"Sam—." Dean began, his heart rate increasing. What the hell was he talking about?

"Can we just go home, Dean, I just wanna go home."

"Yeah, sure. I'll go see what's keeping Kerri and Doc Ass."

Dean pushed up from his seat, his eyes never leaving Sam. They hadn't been here for Kerri's seizures, so what the hell was the younger man talking about. And what did he mean Dad almost sent Kerri away?

Dean slowed as he neared the front office, Kerri and Brian's voices drifting down the hall. The jerk seemed to have accepted Kerri's life, why or how Dean didn't know, but he had and now Kerri was explaining everything to the older man— including Tom. It made Dean sick to his stomach when Kerri defended her father. Dean had looked up to the man, admired him, and all the while he was screwing with her brain. At least Brian had the good sense to be as appalled about it as he did.

The man's next words stopped Dean in his tracks.

_"I can't begin to understand your life, I really can't. But I haven't gone anywhere, I can still take you away."_

The hell he could, Dean felt like screaming— no one was taking Kerri away, not on his watch. She was his to look after, his to protect, his. She wasn't Brian's bride, wasn't Tom's experiment, wasn't John's walking encyclopedia of all things supernatural. She was Kerri— and Dean wouldn't let anyone see her as anything less. All his life he'd defended her against those who looked down on her, thought less of her for one reason or another, and he was tired of it. She was his responsibility— his.

"You two stop for a pizza or something." Dean began, barging through the door before Kerri had a chance to answer Brian. He thought he knew what she'd say, was almost one hundred percent sure she'd just smile and tell him no— but there was a little voice in the back of his mind that kept telling Dean that maybe, just maybe, Kerri would leave. "It's been like an hour."

"It has not. It's been ten minutes, fifteen tops."

"Well, it felt like an hour." More like an eternity, Dean thought.

"That's cause you have the attention span of a gerbil."

"Whatever," Dean began, relaxing a bit at Kerri's familiar jibes. As long as she was there, they could salvage normal— or at least try to. "Is everything for Sam set?"

"Yes, the supplies are on the table in the closet— Kerri knows where." Brian answered cautiously, still eyeing Dean. The blonde smirked— good, the guy was scared of him.

"Come on, Dean." Kerri grabbed the sleeve of his shirt, obviously trying to get them apart before they came to blows again.

"No," Brian began, and Dean was again contemplating knocking the guy out. "I need Dean to sign some papers."

Dean just looked at the guy, wondering when his head was going to start spinning. Did Brian have a death wish or something?

"Brian—." Kerri started, her mind following the same path as Dean's.

"It'll just be a few minutes."

Dean looked at Kerri, his eyes locking on her deep blue gaze. He didn't know what Brian was up to, but he let her know he wouldn't kick his ass, at least not right now. Seemingly satisfied Kerri left them together. He watched her until she disappeared into the closet, wishing once again they could just have one day that didn't involve massive blood loss and near death experiences.

"Kerri told me before I'm not allowed to hit you." Dean began, grinning when Brian took a step back.

"Good, good. Uh, Dean, it's just—."

Dean rolled his eyes, wanting to get back to his hurting brother but also knowing Brian was planning some stupid chic-flick moment. Honestly, what did Kerri see in the guy. _'I can still take you away.'_ Brian reinforced what Kerri had said— he was going to take her away, to save her from the life that had started killing her. And in that instant, Dean felt his anger spike again, she was his to protect.

"I wanted to say I was sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

Damn, Dean thought, now he couldn't hit the guy. "Yeah well, I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen a lot." It was the god's honest truth, most people saw Dean and jumped to all the wrong conclusions. But Dean didn't mind, not entirely, it saved him from getting attached.

Dean was turning to leave when Brian spoke again. "It's just, Tom trusted me with her, you know. He kept her on such a short leash when I met her, always checking on her, asking where she was and who she was talking to, what she was doing. When he let her go a little, I felt like it was my job to look after her. She was mine. When she got hurt, I was afraid I'd failed her."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing— Tom didn't look after Kerri. Kerri had been taking care of the house since before Dean had met her, and Tom had always treaded his daughter like more of a peer than a child. He didn't ask where she was going, didn't monitor her every step. He let her be herself, let her roam— it was part of the problem.

"Tom was never worried when it came to Kerri." Dean shot back, the man obviously didn't know the redhead the way he should.

"Yeah, he was. Maybe not when you knew her, but after the seizures started, he practically kept her locked in that house. There was something about her that scared him."

Dean's heart and mind were screaming. He should know about all this— he shouldn't have to hear it from some civilian that had managed to charm Kerri. "And he trusted you?"

Brian was a large man, matching Dean in hight, and it was obvious he knew where the gym was. But he wasn't a hunter, wasn't a fighter. He wasn't good enough to watch out for Kerri. She was special, different, deeper into all things hunting than even Dean knew— and Tom left her in the care of a country doctor. What the hell had happened to their lives.

"Yeah well, I might not be part of team caped crusaders, but I can handle myself."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"He didn't want me to keep her safe from, you know." Brian waved his hand, Dean rolling his eyes at the guy's sudden fear of the world supernatural. "It was more like he wanted me to help keep her trapped in this little bubble. I mean hell, even when I took her overseas he told me I had to only let her in specific places. Places she'd already read all about."

The truth came to Dean like a growing thunderstorm, electrifying and dark. Tom wanted Brian to keep her mind shielded, to stop her from learning, from experiencing the world. Because he knew those thoughts could more than likely kill her. But she'd obviously continued to learn, even after he and Sam had returned, and Dean hadn't seen any ill effects. He wondered if Kerri had managed to fix the problem, or was just a time bomb waiting to go off.

"Don't tell me, I don't wanna know." Brian began, obviously seeing the turmoil in Dean's eyes.

Good, Dean thought, cause he didn't really feel like talking about it. "That's the first smart thing you said all day."

"Bottom line is, I couldn't keep her safe, I let her go. I just hope she's safer with you than me."

Dean wanted to scream 'hell yeah she will be' wanted to let every evil thing in the world know that he was back, and Kerri was off limits. But he knew he couldn't. She'd been hurt several times in the year he'd been back. Hell, he himself had nearly sucked the life out of her— she wasn't any safer with him around. But, for the life of him, Dean couldn't leave her, couldn't turn away. Too much had already been lost, too many souls gone, too many years left fallen by the wayside. All he had left were Sam and Kerri, the only two people in the world who would ever really understand him— really care for him. They were his family and he refused to let them go.

He turned back to the door, glancing at the dark closet before heading toward Sam. Kerri was probably there with him, laughing or busting on Dean or just sitting with the scared kid in silence. But he knew he'd find her there. They were his— Sam and Kerri— his to protect, to look after, to keep safe. And come hell or high water, that was exactly what he was going to do.


	4. Chapter 4

_here we go again. thank you all so much for the great reviews :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 4

Sam laid across the back seat of the Impala, his hands pushed against his eyes. His head was killing him. He couldn't remember much of what happened at the cemetery, just the rain and the sadness. It was like there was an ache deep inside of him, an overwhelming sense of despair, of hopelessness. He felt like he was lost, left alone on a life raft after everyone else had been picked off of it. He was drifting in the darkness, left behind in a vast and empty void. The coldness of the loss made him shiver, the lanky hunter digging his body further into the leather seat, searching for any warmth he could.

"Sammy, you ok?" Dean asked from the driver's seat, glancing back just long enough to check on him.

"Yeah," Sam mumbled, pulling the blanket Dean had given him up over his shoulders. But no matter what he did, he couldn't get rid of the chill that had overtaken his body. It was like ice was forming inside of him, pulling him down with its weight. It was complete and total devastation.

"It'll be ok, Sam. Kerri's gonna get all overbearing and make us rest and cook us soup. We'll be pampered." Dean shot a smirk back to Sam.

Sam just smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. He had a feeling this was something even Dean and Kerri's stubbornness couldn't fix. "Yeah." he answered half-heartedly.

He wanted his brother to fix everything, needed to know Dean would step up and save him from anything the darkness could create— but Sam knew he had to let that belief go. He couldn't rely on his brother forever, couldn't live thinking the older man would always be there to pick up the pieces, to put his life back together. Dean was just as human as he was, which meant he could be lost to the darkness just as easily as Sam. No, it was time Sam saved him.

He needed to bring his brother back, needed to save him from the disaster that was bearing down on all of them. Dean didn't know how fragile their lives truly were, didn't know what was truly on the line. They were up against an enemy the older man would never understand, someone— something— that actually had the power to destroy them all, to steal each and every one of them from the world. It wasn't something Dean could smirk at and shoot, wasn't something he could destroy. No, it was something that was poised to destroy them all.

"You still with me back there, Sam?" Dean's voice broke through the torrent that was raging in Sam's mind, anchoring him, pulling him back into the present.

"I just told you I was fine."

"Just? Dude, that was like fifteen minutes ago. Didn't you hear anything else I was saying?"

"Uh, I guess not."

"You guess not? Sam, what's going on with you?"

"I'm just tired is all, I must have zoned out. How long till we get there?"

"About ten more minutes."

"Good, you need the rest, you shouldn't be driving."

"You sound like Kerri now. She's got her own car to bring home, remember."

"The truck?"

"The Firebird." Dean answered, glancing again at Sam.

"Since when does she drive the Firebird?"

"Since Evelyn died. Sammy, you know this already."

"Yeah," Sam answered quietly, sleep pulling at him. He vaguely remembered Kerri telling them about the Firebird, that she had refused to leave it at Bramhurst's because it was Evelyn's. But then why wasn't Evelyn driving it?

"You're starting to scare me, Sammy."

"Sorry. I'm just tired I guess, makes me forget."

"I'll let that understatement slide. We'll talk at Kerri's."

"Sure." Sam mumbled, finally succumbing to the darkness.

66666666666666

Sam was floating, it was the only way he could describe it. Even when he was awake he still felt detached from the world around him, drifting in a hazy world. But now that he was asleep his senses felt sharper, the haze dissipating to a crisp, clean darkness. And out of that darkness a familiar scene grew. He was in the apartment again, for probably the hundredth time, but now it was a little bit different. There was more than just the one room, more than just the large window Evelyn always stood in front of. Now the scene was complete. He could see doors down a small hallway. He knew the kitchen was behind him, separated from the living room by a beige counter. He knew there was a fire exit just outside the small window, a flower box perched on the worn steel. He knew the apartment by heart, almost like it was his home.

"I couldn't save them."

Sam closed his eyes, turning to the voice. Everything about the room changed— except for Evelyn. "I heard you the first hundred times." Sam began, turning to the girl now standing in the small kitchen. "And you've apparently got me saying it." Sam rubbed his eyes— he was tired.

"I thought if they knew we could save them. But I was wrong. We can't be saved."

"Why can't we be saved? And if who knew?"

Before Evelyn could answer a low whisper began to fill the room, a deep murmur Sam couldn't make out. Evelyn's eyes snapped to the main door of the apartment as the voices grew, almost like she was excepting someone to come barging through the door.

_'There has to be something else, I can give you anything else.'_

_'But it isn't anything else that I want. This is my only offer.'_

_'I won't.'_

_'Then I can't help you.'_

"Who are they Evelyn? Sam asked, trying a different tactic with the girl. She looked downright terrified as the voices spoke, the same few lines echoing over and over again. The more he heard it, the more Sam began to believe he recognized one of the speakers, but he just couldn't put his finger on who it was.

"Liars." The brunette breathed, her pale eyes still locked on the door. "They're all liars. And they destroyed us with them. We never stood a chance, Sam." Evelyn turned her eyes to him as the echoes began to fade. "And now I can't save them."

"Damn it, Evelyn, who can't you save?"

Evelyn looked at him, her eyes imploring. It was almost as though she didn't know her message was jumbled, like she was sure Sam understood. The look broke Sam's heart. When they were younger they knew each other, almost instinctively. Whenever one of them was hurting, whenever one of them was afraid they'd come together, finding strength in each other. But now, well now that bond had been broken, and it was sending Sam into a tailspin.

"I'm sorry." Evelyn began, closing her eyes as she spoke. Sam's heart nearly stopped when she reopened them. Instead of either steady blue or steady brown eyes, she now had one pale blue eye and one brown one.

"Evelyn, what's going on. I don't understand."

"I couldn't let them lose, I couldn't let everyone lose. But I was wrong, what's happening can't be stopped. I can't save them."

"Evelyn, we can be saved. Dean and Kerri are with me. If you just tell me what's going on, we can fix this."

Tears began to fall from Evelyn's eyes as she stared at Sam, voices once again rising in the distance.

_'What's going to happen now?'_

_'Now, life is normal.'_

_'What's the catch?'_

_'That when the time comes, I get what I ask for. No hiding, no tricks. Give me what I ask for, or I'll take what's mine.'_

"So much is at stake, Sam. I tried so hard, but I can't save them. I can't stop it."

"Evelyn, stop what?" Sam was shouting, but the brunette was just staring at the door, waiting for something to break it down.

Sam felt her fear, the emotion running over him like a tidal wave. Despair, fear, hopelessness, failure. Evelyn had tried to stop something, had tried to save someone and had failed, that much Sam got. But who she failed or what she tried to stop, that was still a mystery. Sam tried to search his mind, tried to think who the girl could be talking about, but there were just too many unknowns, too many years spent apart. For once, Sam didn't have all the answers.

"Evelyn, you have to tell me who you can't save. I can't try to help you if I don't know who you're trying to save."

Sam rubbed his forehead, a massive headache growing as he tried to get through to Evelyn, tried to get the older girl to talk to him. He felt like his head was going to explode, his mind on fire. The room around him began to fade, darkness taking over the scene once more. A new voice drifted through the haze, this one more urgent, almost pleading. Sam pushed it away, trying instead to focus on Evelyn, focus on the old apartment, but the voice continued to grow, cutting through his mind. He was brutally and painfully being pulled back into the real world.

"Stop it." Sam breathed, covering his ears against the voice, against the onslaught of reality.

"Sammy, come on, open your eyes. Come on, Sammy, please."

"It hurts. Stop, please, you're hurting me."

"Sammy, just open your eyes." The voice continued as Sam slowly came back from the void.

The last thing Sam remembered was laying across the backseat of the Impala, on his way back home. But now he felt gravel beneath him, strong hands shaking him, his head cradled in someone's lap. The smell of grass assaulted his senses, cold rain beating down on his face like frozen razors. He just wanted to drift away, to go back into the darkness where nothing was trying to rip him apart. "Please."

"Just open your eyes, Sammy."

"I wanna go."

"Go where?"

"Away." Sam breathed, the darkness reaching out for him.

"No, Sammy, you need to wake up, you need to open your eyes."

"Why?" Sam breathed, the dark abyss of sleep beginning to ebb away.

"Cause I say so." Dean's voice broke through his senses loud and clear, the fear not lost on his little brother.

"Fine, Jerk." Sam pushed open his heavy lids, squinting against the pale grey sky. It wasn't bright, but it still made his headache grow tenfold. He was on the ground outside the Impala, Dean's arms around him, his brother's worried eyes boring into him. "What happened?"

But Dean just continued to stare, his eyes a mix of fear and uncertainty. Behind Dean Sam could make out Kerri, the same expression written across her face. "What the hell, Sammy." Dean breathed, making Sam's nerves spike.

"What's wrong?"

Neither one answered him, Kerri just pulling a small mirror from her jacket pocket, holding it out to Dean. Sam glanced in the small silver glass his brother held, gasping at the sight he saw. His eyes weren't his— one was the normal brown, but the other was bright blue. "Evelyn." Sam breathed, unable to stop himself.

"What?" Dean asked, his voice shaky. He was still holding Sam in a death grip. "What about Evelyn?"

Sam realized his mistake instantly. Neither Kerri nor Dean knew he was having visions of Evelyn. "Her eyes were blue." Sam covered, hoping they wouldn't notice the slip. "I remember them being blue."

"That doesn't explain why you're sharing the same trait." Dean answered back, the older man shifting so Sam's back was leaning against the side of the Impala. "Now isn't the time for secrets."

"It's always the right time for secrets." Sam answered without even thinking.

"What'd you say?" Kerri asked, the redhead still staring at him like an alien just jumped out of his stomach.

"Secrets are our lives."

"No, the exact phrase you used."

"It's always the right time for secrets?"

"Evelyn used to say that before she died, after we found out about the Yellow Eyed Demon. My dad and I were researching our asses off, but Evelyn always had this kind of serene, accepting look right before she'd say, it's always the right time for secrets."

"It's not that weird a thing to say." Sam countered, his head still pounding but thankfully it was a little more bearable than before.

"Sam, you can't tell me nothing's going on." Kerri began, her normally soft voice as sharp as glass.

Sam was momentarily stunned, he'd never seen Kerri moved to anger like that. "Kerri—."

"This has something to do with my sister, Sam, so tell me what the hell's going on." Kerri shouted, advancing on Sam. Dean was on his feet in an instant, intercepting the girl, pulling her close with her own momentum.

"Go inside." Dean whispered in her ear, though still loud enough for Sam to hear. Dean's voice held no real venom, but it was still cutting, telling Kerri debating with him wasn't an option. It was a scene Sam never thought he'd witness.

Their friendship was deep, deeper than any Sam had ever witnessed. But the scene playing out before him wasn't a moment of friendship. The pair were staring each other down, both their bodies tensed, Dean's hand gripping Kerri's arm tight enough to leave a bruise. It was scary. Sam wanted to say something, to break them apart, bring them back to the way they normally were with each other. But, at that instant he felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness. He couldn't save them.

Sam's heart froze at the thought, the voice in his head sounding a lot like Evelyn's sullen whispers. He stared up once again at the pair before him, the battle of wills still unbroken. Dean was staring down Kerri with a look that could probably burn, and Kerri was standing defiantly against him with a strength Sam didn't know she possessed. It was like watching two mountains trying to move each other, the two most powerful forces in Sam's life battling against each other over him. And there was nothing he could do to save them.

Sam tried to push himself up off the ground, his arms shaking. He was tired, but he had to do something about Kerri and Dean, had to break them apart. They weren't supposed to be angry with each other, weren't supposed to be at odds. They were a team, they always had been. Even their long absence hadn't changed that. No, the only thing that put their friendship in jeopardy was talk of he and Evelyn.

"Kerri," Sam tried again, leaning against the Impala as a wave of dizziness washed over him.

"You don't know how hard I tried to save her." Kerri began, her voice cold and distant. "You don't know what I did. And she's still gone. If you know something about her, Sam, tell me."

"I don't." Sam began, still unable to tell the two what had been happening between him and Evelyn's spirit.

Kerri just stared at him, pulling her arm from Dean's grasp before storming up to the house.

"What's wrong with you two?" Sam asked, his strength coming back to him slowly as he leaned against the Impala, the cool air helping his headache and nausea.

"Nothing." Dean shot back, staring down Sam. "But you, that's a different story."

"Why's Kerri so mad?" Sam wasn't buying his brother's explanation. Kerri wasn't the kind of person who was moved by anger or spite.

"Her sister's dead, Sammy. And it's still fresh, maybe not for you and me but it is for her. What would you do if all the sudden I started repeating things Jessica used to say? That my eyes looked like her's?"

Dean's voice was cold and it attacked Sam at his very core. He hadn't thought about it like that. Jessica's death was still fresh in his mind, her smile still haunting him at night, her perfume coming to him in once lost memories. He still couldn't think about her without his heart aching. And until that moment he'd failed to notice one glaring fact— Jessica had died only a few weeks after Evelyn.

Evelyn was distant, her death abstract because he hadn't seen her since he was twelve— but that didn't change the fact that she died at twenty-two, right when the Yellow Eyed Demon had returned. She hadn't been gone for that long. "What's happening to me, Dean?"

Dean's eyes softened, his demeanor changing when Sam spoke— it was like the fight had left him. "We'll figure it out, Sammy, but you gotta let us help you. You can't keep this all bottled up inside you."

"I've been seeing Evelyn." Sam began, bowing his head when Dean leaned against the Impala, his shoulder brushing against Sam's. Sam wanted nothing more than to fall on his brother's strength, to let Dean fix everything. But Sam was afraid that this time, his brother wouldn't be the answer. "She started coming to me in dreams, but now I don't know. I'm still dreaming, but they're getting more like the visions."

"And you didn't think that was something worth sharing?"

"I didn't know what it was, I thought maybe it was just my mind's way of coping, you know. You don't know what it's like, to see her again— she was beautiful, man. She was just so special. You can kind of see it in her eyes, she was darker, but she was still Evelyn. When I saw her at the Roadhouse, it was hard. I used to think about her the way she was all those years ago, and I guess it made it easier— you know, her just being an idea, a distant memory. But seeing her again, it changed all that.

"I didn't know it was really _her_ when I was dreaming. Just thought it was my freaky brain. But after the cemetery, that all changed."

"What happened at the cemetery?"

"I was at her grave, there were some trinkets there, a picture of us. God, Dean, it was all so wrong." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stop the tears. He didn't want her to be gone. Dean still got to have Kerri, why couldn't he have kept Evelyn. Sam took in a deep breath before continuing, trying to gain control of his emotions. "I touched her headstone and I got this, jolt, like static electricity. The next thing I knew I was in the clinic."

"How many times have you seen Evelyn?"

"I don't know, a dozen, maybe more."

"Have you seen her since the cemetery?"

"Yeah, but it's different. Before, she was always the same, always in this no desrcript apartment, just her. She said the same thing over and over again, never moving. But since the cemetery, that's all changed. I can see the whole apartment now, and Evelyn moves around, says different things. She's trying to tell me something, but it's all jumbled. And her eyes—."

"What about her eyes?"

"At the clinic, they were both brown, but this last time, one was brown and one was blue."

"Like your eyes."

"Like my eyes now."

"No," Dean began, shaking his head. "When we found you at the cemetery, your eyes were blue, like Evelyn's."

"And her's were brown—."

"And now they're the same. What does she keep saying to you?"

"That she couldn't save them, that none of us can be saved. But I can't figure out who 'them' is."

"And after the cemetery? You said she changed."

"Yeah, she keeps telling me she's sorry, that there was no other way. It was like she tried to do something to save whoever she's trying to save, but she realized it wasn't going to work. But Dean, I don't know what she did."

"Oh, I have a pretty good idea. Spirits can cling to things other than their bodies. And Evelyn's spirit is different than most."

"How so?" Sam asked, wondering where his brother was going.

"The astral-projecting. Sam, she's got her spirit in your spirit."

"What?"

"Your eyes. It was like she was trying to possess you, to use you to relay the message."

"But it didn't work. Oh god, Dean, she kept saying—. Dean, you don't think."

"I think she goofed up whatever she was trying to do, and now, she's fused her spirit with yours somehow."

"What are we gonna do?" Sam sighed, rubbing his forehead. _Evelyn what the hell have you done._

"We'll figure it out, Sammy."

"Do you think we should involve Kerri?" Sam asked, the redhead's earlier attitude coming back to him.

She wasn't coping with her family's death, one look at her house made that painful obvious. Kerri had shutdown completely after Evelyn died, sealing herself in a few choice rooms of a rundown old house, distancing herself from the world. And Sam knew that had it not been for his and Dean's return Kerri would have stayed that way forever— drifting, fading. Kerri never asked to be saved, never asked for help, her spirit already too broken to be pieced back together. And now Sam was half-possessed by her dead little sister, yeah, that was gonna go over well.

"Yes." Dean began, his voice tired, weathered. Sam looked over at his brother, noticing for the first time how wrecked he looked. Dean was utterly spent, emotionally and physically, and they were only beginning their most recent ride into the twisted world of the paranormal.

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Probably not. But leaving her out of the loop would be worse."

"Dean—."

"I'll fix this, Sam, I will. But I have to do it with Kerri. It almost killed me to leave her behind the last time, I can't do it again. I promise we'll figure this out, Sam, I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

_the mystery deepens.......... thank you all so much for the great reviews, i'm glad everyone's enjoying the story. slowly but surely, the truth will come out. as always, enjoy and let me know what you think. :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 5

Dean's body felt heavy, there was no better way to describe it. He was tired, the weight of the world bearing down on him with such force it made it hard for him to walk, to move through his life. When had everything become so complicated? It was supposed to be the four of them, happy— but now Evelyn was dead, Kerri was drifting away, and Sam had managed to get himself soul-jacked by a dead psychic. He laid Sam down in the back den off the kitchen, making sure he wasn't going to pass out before seeking out Kerri. Dean didn't know how he was going to explain this to her. She'd never gotten over her sister's death— hell, Dean didn't expect she ever would.

Evelyn was a special kid. She had the unbelievable ability to make people love her, and to raise their spirits whenever she was around. At least, that's what she was like when he knew her. Dean shook his head— he should have known her spirit was still around somewhere. She wasn't the kind of kid who could let things go, wasn't the kind of person who left people in pain. If there was someone who needed help, some way for her to make a difference, Evelyn fought for them with every ounce of strength she had in her. The fact that she had bound herself to Sam, that was something Dean hadn't seen coming. He was going to have to get rid of her, he knew that, he just hoped he and Kerri would be able to find another way.

He made his way to Kerri's room, standing opposite the closed door for a few minutes, steadying himself for the task ahead. He pushed open the door, scanning the room, surprised when Kerri was nowhere in sight. Whenever she was hurting, whenever she wanted to think, she always came to her room, always sat in the large bay window, staring out over a world she was never really a part of. He searched the large room, eyeing several half covered canvases and scattered bits of chalk, but no Kerri. He scanned the bathroom and Evelyn's adjoining bedroom before leaving, but there was still no sign of her.

Her second favorite place to 'think' was the back den off the kitchen, but since Sam was currently there, Dean knew Kerri had to be somewhere else. His next idea was the attic. He knew Kerri wouldn't cross the salt lines she had laid three years beforehand, her fear of what she'd lost still too much for her to take. And that sad fact helped Dean to narrow his search. He made his way slowly up the attic stairs, not wanting to scare the girl, knowing she was probably sitting in the back dormer. It was Dean's favorite hiding place when they were kids, Kerri knowing she could find him there whenever he was upset.

"Kerri?" Dean called out, his voice strangely muffled in the heavy, dust filled attic air. But there was no sign of her. "What the hell?" Dean breathed, pulling out his cell phone as he turned from the attic.

_"This can't be a good sign."_

"Sammy?" Dean asked, pulling the phone away from his ear, checking to see if he'd misdialed.

_"Yeah, why're you calling Kerri?"_

"Cause I can't find her, where'd you get her phone from?"

_"It was on the coffee table."_

"Damn it."

_"The Firebird's still in the driveway. Maybe she's in one of the stairwells. The light really bugs her, Dad said it was because of her seizures. She usually hangs out there when the headaches get bad."_

Dean pulled the phone away from his ear again, staring at the object in disbelief. What the hell was Sam talking about? First there was his outburst at the clinic that Dad nearly sent Kerri away and now their Dad knew about her headaches and seizures, too? "Sammy, what the hell are you talking about?"

"_Light is one of the triggers of epilepsy, Dean. When Kerri feels one coming on she hides in dark places. Come on, dude, you know that."_

"Uh, yeah sure." Dean began, coming down the back staircase which lead directly from the attic to the second floor, bypassing the third entirely. He wanted to get back down to his 'growing crazier by the minute' brother. Dean slowed as he walked down the hallway, a thought occurring to him— Kerri would hide in dark places. "Never know." Dean mumbled, nearing the door.

_"Huh?"_

"Just sit tight, Sammy, I'll be down there in a little bit. You need anything?"

_"Nah, I'm good. Though, if you're really offering, gummy worms would rock."_ Sam laughed.

"Dude, you hate those things."

_"Nice try, you just don't wanna make a store run."_

"Whatever, just call if you need anything." Dean shut the phone, his mind with Sam while his heart was with Kerri. There was more going on than met the eye, that much was certain.

Dean turned his full attention to the door in front of him. It had been behind the salt barriers since Dean had returned nearly a year ago, but now the salt lay in a scattered mess at his feet. "Yatzee." Dean breathed, pulling open the old door of the big closet.

It had been Sam's favorite hiding place when they were young, the boy often spending hours there, reading by flashlight. It was a miracle the kid didn't need glasses. The blonde pulled a small flashlight from his pocket, closing the door just enough to give them privacy, but making sure it didn't latch— he remembered the door's often sticky lock. He swept the flashlight toward the back corner of the big closet, knowing exactly where he'd find Kerri. He wasn't prepared, though, for the scene which greeted him.

Kerri was leaning against the wall, sitting on the same pillows Sam had always used, a large hole still marring the wall beside her. It was like nothing had changed, everything the same as it had been thirteen years beforehand. Except now, instead of eager children they were fading adults.

"Kerri?" Dean began, lowering the flashlight.

Kerri's face was hidden, her long red hair cascading down her back as she laid on the pillows— crying. Dean's heart leapt into his throat, the young hunter suddenly unprepared for the task ahead. Kerri rarely cried, rarely broke down. She was always so stoic, like a beautiful statue. She could put on a front that gave Dean a run for his money— until the world became too much to bear.

Dean sat down beside her, running his hand over her hair, feeling her body shake as she quietly sobbed. "I just want her back, Dean." Kerri spoke softly, her voice choked with tears. "All I want is to have her back."

"I know, Ker."

"It's not fair. I tried so hard to help her, hell I even held onto her when the demon was cutting her. I was ready to die with her, for her. But I couldn't hold on, he ripped her away from me— and then forced me to live without her."

"Kerri."

"That bastard knew what would destroy me. The thing even laughed when it drug me out of there. Life's a bitch sometimes, isn't it kid. Same freaking words it said when it killed my mom."

Dean licked his lips, not sure what to say. He always knew there was more to the story than Kerri told, that more had gone on the day of the fire. The Demon had mentioned several meetings with Kerri when it had cornered them in Colorado, but until that moment, Dean didn't know what had truly gone down. He was going to kill the Demon, rip it apart with his bare hands. "I miss her, too, Kerri. But I'm glad you're still alive." Oh yeah, Dean thought, that was lame.

"Oh goody, you're happy. Glad one of us is. Why don't you and Sam just go."

"You asked me to stay once."

"And you didn't."

The words stung, throwing Dean off his game. He wasn't going to be able to piece his friend together with a few quick words. "I know, and that was a mistake. But I can't change what happened back then."

"I just want it all to go away. I'm so tired, Dean."

"Hey, don't talk like that."

"Why not? All we have is pain, Dean. All we have to look forward to is dying in some stupid war no one asked us to fight. It's a freaking joke. All I want is to be sixteen again, is to go back to that day and fix everything, and I can't. I'll never be able to be happy." Kerri took in a shaky breath, burying her face in the pillows again.

Dean felt a lump growing in his throat, his words stopped as hot tears blurred his vision. It wasn't fair— all they lost, all they were forced to sacrifice, all the chances they'd missed. Dean wanted nothing more than to give Kerri her wish, to bring her back to that fateful day and heal all their wounds. He wanted it, because it was the same thing he'd prayed for. That day had been the catalyst for everything, the day the cracks had begun to form in his now shattered family. It was the beginning of the end.

Dean ran his left hand down Kerri's back, reaching over with his right, trying to pull her to him, to comfort her, but she shrugged him away. "Kerri." Dean began, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Just leave me alone."

"No." Dean began, trying once again to turn her to face him. He couldn't let her go through this alone, couldn't watch her fade away. Besides, he needed her help— Sam was in danger and he needed to stop it. At that moment Dean was torn. He needed to save Sam, had to make sure he was ok, that Evelyn's spirit wouldn't destroy him. But in order to do that, he had to put Kerri through her worst nightmare all over again.

"Dean, get away from me." Kerri pushed him away before curling into herself. "Just go away."

"I came to find you for a reason."

"Please, Dean, just stop talking."

"We think Evelyn bound herself to Sam." Dean said in a rush, hoping he hadn't just destroyed what was left of his best friend.

Kerri groaned, a fresh wave of body jarring sobs overtaking her. She covered her head with her hands, digging her face into the pillows until Dean was certain she was going to suffocate herself. "Why'd it work now." she coughed out between heavy breaths.

"Why'd what work?"

"We tried to bind her to me so Yellow Eyes couldn't find her, but it wouldn't work. Why now when it doesn't matter." she spat bitterly. "Why couldn't I keep her, Dean? Why couldn't I save her?" Kerri moaned.

Dean didn't know what to do or say, the weeping girl in front of him shattering every ounce of strength he had. He leaned down on the pillows beside her, pulling her to him, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders while resting his right on her back , his face resting on the back of her left shoulder. He felt her body shutter as she gasped and coughed, her face buried against his shoulder, her stomach pressed against the pillows. There were no words, nothing he could say that would bring even the slightest bit of comfort. And in truth, Dean needed the contact as well.

He let the silent tears run down his face as he ran a soothing hand over Kerri's hair, breathing in deep as he rested his head against her neck. He wanted Evelyn back just a much as Kerri did. He could still hear the little girl's laugh in his sleep, could still remember her smile, her spirit. She deserved to live, deserved a future. She deserved to be saved.

Dean didn't know how long he and Kerri laid there, both lost in their emotions, lost in their grief. He wished he could give Kerri the strength she needed, give her the comfort she craved, but he was too broken to give anything away. Kerri had kept him going after his father's death, had reminded him of brighter times, better times. But now, all those memories were crumbling, dying in the face of what their futures had become.

He felt Kerri move beneath him, the redhead struggling out of his strong grip. Dean wanted to hold onto her, wanted to stay like that forever— safe together in the dark. But there were things to do, a world outside the door of their sanctuary. There was still reality to face. Kerri lifted herself up to face him, her body still in his arms, her blue eyes rimmed with red. "I can't do this anymore, Dean. I can't pretend like I'm not dying inside."

"No one ever told you you have to."

"I'm supposed to get over it, supposed to move on."

"Screw supposed to. Monsters aren't supposed to be real, look how that ended. You can feel however you want to feel, Kerri. You can hate, you can scream, you can try to kick my ass, you can cry. You're not supposed to be anything but yourself."

"I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I'm not a sister anymore, not a daughter, not a fiancee. I'm not anything I was supposed to be."

"You're still mine, you're still my friend. You're still the girl I grew up with." Dean spoke earnestly, staring into her deep blue eyes, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I won't let anything change that."

Kerri stared at him long and hard, fresh tears running down her face. She reached her hand up to his face, running her slender fingers over his features, almost like she was trying to decide if he was real or not. She wrapper her arms around his neck, pulling herself close to him, holding onto him like he was the last remaining port in a storm. And Dean returned the embrace, needing her comfort, needing her strength. They both turned when the closet door opened.

"Oh, um, uh." Sam stammered, his eyes sliding back and forth between the pair, the different color gaze still freaking Dean out. "I'm sorry, uh, I'll come back."

Dean and Kerri just laughed, releasing each other. It was good to laugh again. "It's ok, Sammy, you weren't interrupting anything." Dean smiled, Kerri trying to compose herself, though it was painfully obvious she'd been crying. "Aren't you supposed to be resting?"

"I think I found something."

"Care to share?" Dean began after a few minutes of silence, helping Kerri off the floor.

"Is it, you know." Sam began awkwardly, gesturing to Kerri.

"I'm a big girl, Sam." Kerri stated, her voice strong, a familiar smirk on her face. Yeah, Dean thought, she could throw up those walls faster than anyone. He watched her for a few minutes, wanting to tell her to drop the act, but he knew they couldn't. They had work to do.

"It's Evelyn, she's still around we think."

"Dean told me."

"I've been seeing her the past few weeks, when I pass out, it's because of her." Sam explained in a rush. Dean knew his brother needed to come clean to Kerri about Evelyn, but he also knew now was not the time. "I think she's trying to tell me something."

"Like what?" Kerri asked, her voice strong despite the shaking of her body. Dean laid a hand on her shoulder, trying to give her the support he knew she needed.

"I don't know. I was hoping you could help." Sam began sheepishly, looking down at the ground as he spoke. It was patented nervous Sammy.

"Help with what, I don't know what's going on in your head."

"She keeps saying she couldn't save them. Who's them?"

"I don't know, Sam. But there was a lot about Evelyn I didn't know when we got older."

Saying Sam looked crushed was an understatement. When they were kids everything was so simple, so black and white. They were the good guys, the heroes, and the band guys were just that, bad. But as they grew, those lines blurred, leaving destruction in their wake. His little brother had been expecting Kerri to come in and save the day, tell him the answers to all his questions— like she used to do when he was little. But they weren't little anymore, and those times were now so far gone, Dean was finding them hard to remember.

Each day that passed, the memories faded a little bit more. Evelyn's laugh was hard to hear now, just like the sound of his mother's voice. Everything was fading into the background, disappearing into a past Dean couldn't reach, and it was tearing him apart. Everything he fought for, everything he lived for was beyond his reach, and he was afraid it would be forever.

"She didn't— you didn't know of any friends that were in trouble, anyone that was in danger?" Sam asked after a few minutes, his shoulders slumping as he spoke.

"No. She wasn't close with anyone in the end. She just sat by herself out at the end of the drive, day in and day out. And when she was inside, she just hid away somewhere."

"Where?" Sam asked, a gleam coming to his eyes. Dean knew what he was thinking— maybe Evelyn kept notes or a journal.

"I don't know. I could never find her when she was off thinking. And— after she died— I never really looked for a hiding place. I didn't want to."

"When I see her, she's always in an apartment. It's got a beige counter that separates the kitchen, sound familiar?"

Kerri bowed her head, fresh tears running down her face. Dean rubbed the back of her neck, silently letting her know he was there for her, there to help. She took a few shuttering breaths, leaning into Dean as she tried to compose herself. Her voice was thick and shaky when she finally spoke. "Yeah," she moaned, sobs still breaking through her words. "It's where— my Dad hid her— ."

"Can we go there, maybe there's something there." Sam spoke softly, but Kerri was just shaking her head, leaning on Dean so much the older man was almost holding her up.

"It's gone. It's where she— there's nothing left."

Realization hit Dean like a ton of bricks. Kerri had told them Tom tried hiding Evelyn after he learned of the Yellow Eyed Demon. He'd moved her to an apartment he thought was safe. And that's the apartment Sam was seeing, the same apartment both Tom and Evelyn burned to death in.

"I'm sorry," Sam began, rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No—." Kerri's head shot up, her eyes locking with Sam's. "No more secrets, Sam. Secrets were Evelyn's stock and trade, and look how that ended. Please, Sam, promise you won't cut me out, too."

Dean subconsciously strengthened his grip on Kerri, knowing what the girl was asking. Kerri Harrison had been alone long before her sister died. Tom was off doing whatever it was he did, messing with Kerri's mind for reasons none of them new. And it was clear now that Evelyn was also working on her own agenda, making plans which didn't include Kerri. And suddenly, the redhead's attachment to Brian made more sense. He was the only person who hadn't left her behind, the only person who promised to never let her go. So many people claimed to love her, to want to protect her, and yet, in the end, only one person had actually made good on that promise— and it was someone who didn't even know who Kerri really was.

Dean closed his eyes, rubbing Kerri's back as they all stood silently in the old closet. Living their lives was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Dean could see the destruction, could see the carnage, hear the cries— but try as he might, he couldn't stop the disaster from unfolding.


	6. Chapter 6

_wow, my life's been so crazy this week I didn't even realize yesterday was friday. Sorry for the mix up. Also, 'turning' is on it's way, too. I do know I'm almost 2 weeks behind on that :-|. thank you all so much for the great reviews, they make my day :) enjoy. _

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 6

Sam sat on the bed in Evelyn's room, the events of the last day running over him like a waterfall. He was drowning, but he couldn't stop it. Dean had taken Kerri to lie down a few hours beforehand, the girl still crying as his brother led her away. Sam had never seen her so crushed, so broken— it was something he wished he'd never witnessed. He was already floundering, already lost, he couldn't watch one of his two rocks crumble away. Yes he knew it was selfish, but he couldn't help the feeling. Dean and Kerri had watched over him for years, had smiled on the darkest days and told him everything would be alright— but now, now neither one could give him the reassurance he needed. Time had been hard, on all of them.

Dean had come back up to Evelyn's room to check on him a short while ago, having laid Kerri in the library so he could keep an eye on her while researching. Some would have said Kerri's willingness to cross the salt lines was a good step, but Sam knew they'd be wrong. Kerri wasn't crossing over the long laid barriers because she was strong enough to move on. No, she was crossing them because she was too weak to fight back.

The image of the pair sitting in the closet came back to Sam as he sat in Evelyn's quiet room. Dean and Kerri needed each other, more than either of them would ever admit. Hell, they were meant to be together, that much was painfully obvious. In another time, in another life, they probably would have been happy, probably would have given in to the glaring connection they have, to the love they share for each other. In another time, perhaps, they would have forged a life together, been happy. But now wasn't that time. Now was the time for warriors, for battles— now they were both too broken to give anything away. It was just something else hunting had stolen from them all, something else they'd been forced to give up.

But seeing them together still sent stab wounds to Sam's heart. Dean and Kerri could still talk, still laugh with each other, still tell stories, no matter how sad. He and Evelyn? All he had was an empty room and a forgotten headstone. But maybe, just maybe, there could be more. Dean had told him what Kerri said about she and Evelyn trying to bind their souls together as a last ditch effort to ward off the Yellow Eyed Demon. It was a way to keep Evelyn with them, and Sam assumed it had something to do with her ability to astral project. So maybe, if he figured out what was going on, figured out how Evelyn had managed to do it, he could harness the ability— and keep Evelyn with them at the same time.

Sam was brought out of his mind by a light knock on the closed door. "Yeah, uh, come in."

"I didn't want to interrupt, if you needed time alone or anything." Kerri spoke softly, looking around the room as she entered. It was almost like she was waiting for something to swoop down and attack her. Sam was still amazed the redhead hadn't changed bedrooms after her sister died, choosing instead to stay in the adjoining room.

"It's ok." Sam answered quietly, turning his gaze back to his hands, his nails suddenly incredibly interesting. "Where's Dean?"

"In the kitchen, making dinner the last I checked."

"How brave of you."

"What? You don't want beefaroni casserole again?"

"I was hoping to never have that again in my life. Kerri, I'm sorry."

"I take it Dean told you about what I tried to do." Kerri answered softly, not even trying to derail the dark conversation.

A part of Sam had hoped she would just shrug it off, make some off hand joke and then everything would be normal again. But they were too far in for that now. "Yeah."

"You don't have to be sorry, Sam. I just wish you didn't have to end up in the middle of all this."

"I don't know why it didn't work before."

Kerri let out a long breath, moving to sit beside Sam. She looked smaller, older than he remembered her just a few hours before, the stress of Evelyn's reappearance taking a greater toll on her than Sam had thought. He wanted to tell her she could stop talking, wanted to smile and reassure her everything would be alright, that in the end, life would be good. But he didn't have that power. He couldn't control the future, couldn't make promises he knew he'd never be able to keep.

Kerri picked up one of the dolls that was resting on the bed, smoothing its dress a bit before speaking. "I think our hearts weren't really in it."

It wasn't what Sam had been expecting to hear. "Huh?"

"We loved each other, Sam, don't get me wrong. She was my sister and I would have done anything for her, I would have died for her on the spot. But back then, we hit a rough patch. There was a time we didn't talk to each other, we were more like strangers. We just, took each other for grated I think. We didn't know where the world was going back then. We didn't understand what was out there. We didn't realize the depths of the evil around us."

"Yeah, I can relate." Sam sighed, Kerri's relationship with Evelyn paralleling his with Dean. When Sam was at school, he thought Dean would always be there. Even though Sam never called him, even though they never had any sort of contact, Sam always believed Dean was out there somewhere— that his brother would live forever. It was wrong, and Sam wished more than anything he could have had those years back. If he could do it over again, he'd do so many things differently. He'd actually look at all the chances he'd been given instead of stubbornly focusing on just one option.

"It kills me, you know. It's like there's this burning hole in me. And the guilt— it's never gonna go away. It hurts, Sam, like physically hurts. And I just, I can't move past it. But I'm not angry with you, I'm not upset with you because of what's going on now."

"How can you not be? I'm still here, Evelyn's not." Sam had felt guilty about that one simple fact since he'd learned of Evelyn's death. Why him? Why was he alive when so many others weren't? Why did he deserve to survive?

"It's not your fault."

"Why me? I've met six other kids like me, and do you know how many of them are still around? One— and even that I'm not sure about. Why am I the last man standing? Why do I deserve to be alive when so many others die?" Sam wanted Kerri to have all the answers, wanted her to tell him the mysteries all around him. He wanted her to save him, even if it was only from himself.

"I don't know, Sam. But as much as it hurts me to see you, and believe me, Sam, it does, I'm glad you're still here."

"Hurts you?" Sam had never thought of his presence quite that way before.

"I'm not gonna pretend seeing you doesn't make me jealous, that the fact that Dean managed to save you doesn't eat away at me. But again, that's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, it's just the way life is. I know I seem a little more distant around you than I do Dean, Sam, and I'm sorry for that. Whenever I look at you, I still see a twelve year old little brat— and I still see Evelyn. And nothing's gonna stop that. But you shouldn't feel like a monster for being alive. I'm glad you're alive, Sam."

"I just want it all to stop, Kerri. I just wanna be normal. I don't wanna be afraid anymore, don't wanna carry this weight around with me anymore. I'm just tired of being the freak."

"I wish I could tell you you'll be saved, that we'll figure a way out of this mess, that you'll have 2.5 kids and a dog. But I don't wanna lie anymore, Sam. Lying's what got us all here. I'll do anything I can to save you, to help you, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to."

Kerri's confession hit Sam like a ton of bricks. He needed to be saved, every fiber of his being called out for it. And now one of the two people he relied on to do just that was telling him they still might lose, that when all was said and done, evil could still triumph. And slowly, Sam's real fear came to the surface. "What's gonna happen? If I can't be saved?"

"I don't know. All the information I have in my head, and that's the one question I don't have the answer for. I don't know what the Demon's planning, and I don't know why. I can't tell you where this path leads."

"I wanna grow old, Kerri. I wanna sit in the freaking park and argue about chess. Is that too much to ask for?"

"No. But Sam, even if we weren't hunters, tomorrow's never a guarantee."

Sam turned to Kerri, staring at her deep blue gaze, his own multicolored eyes reflected in the deep pools. He needed to be saved, needed to know there'd be a world beyond hunting, a life beyond his twenties— but it was never a guarantee. Dean, he believed the world was gonna end bloody, that there was no other way to go out other than in a blaze of glory. Sam, he wanted to believe in the simple things in life. He wanted to believe in angels, wanted to believe that, at the end of the day, the good guys would always win. He wanted to believe in a happy endings. But the more time passed, the further and further away that belief seemed to drift.

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Dean leaned against the wall, listening to Kerri and Sam. He felt empty inside, a cold ache settling deep in his soul as he listened to the pair speak. He couldn't see any way out, couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel— and apparently, Kerri couldn't either. They were lost, drifting, and land was nowhere in sight. His entire family, his entire world was just beyond the door, Dean's soul reason for being housed in two people. The blonde felt the world around him shrinking, the air pressing in as he listened to the two most important people in his life talk about a future, and the possibility that it might never come. They were standing on the edge of a deep abyss, and Dean could feel himself falling in.

When he was sixteen, he could save the world, right all the wrongs, chase away every dark and evil creature of the night. But now, at twenty-nine, he couldn't even save the remnants of his family. Kerri and Sam were fading away, and Dean was afraid he wouldn't be able to catch them when they fell. Kerri's earlier breakdown had shaken Dean to his very core, so much so that he was afraid to let her out of his sight. He had just sat in the library watching her sleep, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath she took.

He was afraid.

It was one of the first times the young man would truly admit it— he was terrified of what lay ahead of him, of what tomorrow would bring. The evil had grown stronger, the shadows darker, the creatures deadlier. Everywhere he turned, something was waiting to destroy him, to rip him to shreds. And it terrified him. Not because he was afraid of dying— no, it was because the bad guys knew what it would take to destroy him completely. The darkness had taken aim and Sam and Kerri, and Dean was afraid he wouldn't be able to protect them.

_'None of us can't be saved, not in life and not in death.'_

The words haunted Dean, not because they were spoken by Evelyn, but because they were true. Try as he might, he couldn't save the people he loved and cared about. He suddenly felt a deep connection to the brunette, her emotions running through him. She had tried to save someone and failed— Dean knew the feeling.

"Who were you trying to save, Ev?" Dean breathed, his voice so quiet he could barely hear it. Who had she been so desperate to save that she couldn't find peace after her death? Dean went through the catalogue in his mind, but he knew it wouldn't turn up anything. Evelyn had been twelve years old the last time he'd seen her, any number of people could have come into her life after that.

"But, Sam, even if we weren't hunters tomorrow's never a guarantee."

Dean was drawn back into the moment by Kerri's quiet confession, her acceptance of the world something that had always baffled Dean.

"There's always racing against the sunset." Sam answered, and Dean was a bit stunned— where the hell had that cheesy line come from?

"What, Sam?"

"You remember, you said if we drove west fast enough the sun doesn't set. You can ward off tomorrow."

"I said that to Evelyn when she was thirteen." Kerri's voice shook as she spoke.

Dean pushed the door open slowly, not wanting to startle her or Sam— he needed to know what was going on. He glanced at Kerri, the redhead nodding once before they both turned their attention to Sam.

"Why are you talking to me like I don't know who I am?" Sam asked, confusion written all over his blue, brown eyes. And then he smirked, but it wasn't a 'Sammy smirk' and Dean swore as he knees almost gave way. In that instant, he could have sworn he was looking at Evelyn.

Kerri just stood stock still in front of Sam, her eyes locked unblinking on the younger man's multicolored gaze. Evelyn's soul and Sam's soul were getting mixed together, and it was obvious now that something had happened in the transfer. Ghost Evelyn was still in there somewhere, but there was another part of her who thought she was still alive. Dean chose not to say anything, afraid his presence would throw Evelyn's spirit out of balance— after all, he'd been gone at that point.

A jolt suddenly shot through Sam's body, the young man coughing and lunging forward. Kerri was on her knees instantly, supporting Sam so he wouldn't fall off the bed. Dean rested his hands on his brother's shoulders, ready to take control if Sam started seizing again. The next words he spoke were haunting.

"We can't be saved, not in life and not in death."

"Evelyn?" Kerri asked, looking deep into Sam's eyes.

"I never meant to leave, Kerri, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Kerri answered, tears in her eyes. "I'm not mad."

"You should be. I let you down, I couldn't save you."

"Me?"

"I thought I'd be around forever, I should have seen him coming."

"Evelyn, what are you talking about?"

"I knew. There was no one to save you, I should have saved you."

"Ev, I'm ok. I'm ok."

Sam stared long and deep at Kerri, almost as though he was seeing through her. "It's always darkest before dawn."

And with those final words, Sam slumped down unconscious in Kerri's arms.

"What the hell?" Dean breathed, helping Kerri pull Sam back up to the bed.

"I don't know."

"What was Evelyn trying to save you from?" Dean asked, checking Sam's pulse. It was quick, but not too quick— he was just sleeping.

"I have no idea."

"Do you think she knew something about what Tom did to your brain?"

"She never knew about that. We just told her they were seizures. God, Dean, my own sister's like a freaking stranger."

"Hey, we'll figure this out. I promise."

"I'm sick of promises. I'm sick of you having to make them."

Dean was at a loss for words. He knew what Kerri meant, and she was right. The promises were just false hope, false comfort. Because even he couldn't control fate and physics, no matter how hard he tried. "It's all I've got, Ker."

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just, I'm sick of all the freaking surprises lately."

"Right back at you." Dean mumbled, checking over Sam for any visible injuries, though he knew he'd find none.

They sat silently in Evelyn's room, Dean sitting by Sam's head, Kerri by his feet, both keeping watch. It was Sam they were watching over, Dean knew that, but he couldn't get past the knowledge that, at this moment, Evelyn was in there as well. And, for the first time in thirteen years, all four of them were together again. A small weight lifted off Dean's shoulders— even if it was just a bastardized version of what their lives should be, it was still the four of them, together like he'd always promised.

Dean smirked a little, watching Sam as he slept, searching for the tell tale signs of a nightmare. But there were none.

"What?" Kerri asked, obviously seeing the smile.

"Nothing."

"Spill it."

"It's just— race the sunset?"

Kerri rolled her eyes, letting out a huff— his friend was back. "I was trying to calm a thirteen year old, Dean."

"And you couldn't come up with anything less lame?"

"Oh I'm sorry, Winchester, I should have gone the 'at least your shit don't stink' route."

"Race the sunset. Did you hit your head or something that day?"

"Oh yeah, and what would you have said?" Kerri asked, crossing her arms.

Dean frowned, what the hell would he say to an upset thirteen year old girl? "Well you know, something like, at least the sun will always come up tomorrow."

Kerri just doubled over laughing, making Dean look around the room. "What, that's a good sentiment."

"Maybe if you're Annie."

Dean blinked a few times, suddenly realizing he would have basically told Evelyn 'the sun will come out tomorrow.' "Exactly why I don't do the chick flick thing."

"Oh, Dean, it'll be ok. After all, the sun will come out tomorrow."

"Shut up."

"So, I take it you gave up on dinner in favor of eaves dropping."

"That's why I came up to find you, you don't have any beefaroni."

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Sam was standing in the apartment again, waiting patiently for Evelyn. It was weird, she normally turned up within the first few minutes, but now she was strangely absent. "Evelyn? Hello?" Sam called out in the space, moving to one of the doors. His alarm grew when he pulled on the handle, realizing none of the doors would open. He was trapped in that apartment. "Evelyn?" he called out again, fear boiling inside of him. Was this her plan all along? To hijack his body.

He froze, voices drifting to him from somewhere, everywhere. It was like before, the first few times he'd seen Evelyn. He felt more than heard her words, knowing instinctively what she was saying even though there was no sound. He strained to listen to the new conversation.

"We can't be saved, not in life and not in death."

Yup, Sam thought, that was Evelyn alright. He was about to call out to her again when another voice made his blood run cold.

"Evelyn?" It was Kerri. But how the hell did Kerri know what was going on inside his mind?

"I never meant to leave, Kerri, I'm sorry."

And suddenly, Sam understood. Evelyn wasn't in the apartment with him because she was currently in the real world, with his body. "Damn it, Ev."

"It's not your fault." Kerri answered, "I'm not mad."

"You should be. I let you down, I couldn't save you."

"Me?"

"Kerri?" Was that who Evelyn was talking about? Was this the message she'd been trying so hard to relay? Was something after Kerri?

"I thought I'd be around forever, I should have seen him coming."

"Evelyn, what are you talking about?"

"I knew. There was no one to save you, I should have saved you." Evelyn's words broke Sam's heart. It was something he'd said to Dean on more than one occasion. They'd relied on their older siblings so much, it was hard not being able to return the favor.

"Ev, I'm ok. I'm ok."

"It's always darkest before dawn."

Before the words even had a chance to sink in, Sam heard something at the door. He turned slowly, his eyes locking on the front door of the apartment, fear growing inside him with each second that passed. Slowly, new voices came to his ears.

_'What's going to happen now?'_

_'Now, life is normal.'_

_'What's the catch?'_

_'That when the time comes, I get what I ask for. No hiding, no tricks. Give me what I ask for, or I'll take what's mine.'_

"Time's running out, Sam."

Sam spun at the voice, surprised to see Evelyn standing behind him once again. "You're getting stronger."

"I'm trying to make a wrong right. It's the only way I could do it. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, Evelyn, I'll do whatever I can to help you." Sam was greeted by a sight he never thought he'd see again— Evelyn's smile.

"I'm afraid we may have already lost. Time's running out."

"Time for what? What's happening?"

"A debt is about to come due, that's what's happening."


	7. Chapter 7

_hello everyone. sorry about the incredibly long wait, my life has been crazy lately. I'm hoping to catch up on everything, but bear with me. thank you all so much for the great reviews!! enjoy. _

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 7

"What do you mean a deal is about to come due?" Sam asked, his mind racing. Whatever Evelyn was trying to tell him, it was something huge.

"I should have seen it coming, I should have been able to stop it. I didn't understand, Sam. I didn't know what was at stake."

"What's at stake?"

"Everything. I need to stop it. I need to save them."

"Evelyn, I can help you, but you have to tell me what you're trying to stop."

Sam tensed when Evelyn took a few steps toward him. In all this time, she'd never touched him, not since their first meeting in the Roadhouse. Then it had been like being touched by pure ice, and it had taken a lot out of him. Now, he wasn't sure he could manage the contact.

"I'm trying to stop the end. We're going to lose." Before Sam had the chance to answer her Evelyn reached out for him, her hand surprisingly warm in his.

An instant later Sam was no longer in the apartment. He wasn't sure where he was exactly, but he knew it wasn't reality. No matter what Evelyn had learned to do after her death, Sam was pretty sure she couldn't transport his body anywhere. He let his eyes focus on his surroundings, tuning his senses, taking in everything around him. He guessed he was in a warehouse of some sort, most likely in the basement or a similar lower level. The place was dank and dreary, leaving Sam to guess the building was in a damp environment, and cold— probably mid-west somewhere.

He had no idea why he was there, but he knew this was what Evelyn was talking about, or at least a piece of it. He spun when he heard a noise, his eyes growing wide as his heart beat faster. Out of a shadowed doorway he could make out two figures, the young hunter's trepidation growing when they came into the room— it was Dean and Kerri. Whatever was happening, Sam knew it couldn't be good. But what was Evelyn showing him?

Dean and Kerri weren't children, they looked roughly the same as they did now, so he knew it wasn't something in the past. But then what was it? Sam had been with the pair since their return, and they hadn't spent any of that time in a warehouse. Was this the future then? How had Evelyn gotten that ability? If Sam didn't know any better, he'd say this was one of his visions. He shook himself. This couldn't be a vision, he wouldn't allow it-- because he knew his visions always ended in death.

He watched Dean and Kerri move slowly into the room, Dean in the lead, both obviously on a hunt. Sam's heart rate increased a little more, Kerri didn't hunt willingly. It was normally something she was dragged into, and then only to help either him or Dean. Instantly Sam understood why Evelyn kept saying 'them'. Yes, this all focused on Kerri somehow, but that didn't keep Dean out of the line of fire. They needed each other, would go to the ends of the earth for each other— and apparently, Sam wasn't the only person who knew that.

They were talking, but for the life of him Sam couldn't make out what either hunter was saying. It looked like the typical Dean-Kerri conversation, and Sam had to smile, they argued more than anyone else he knew. Evelyn had once called them an 'old married couple' and Sam couldn't fight away the pain that statement now caused. In another life, in a life without hunting, they probably would be an old married couple.

Sam tensed when Dean and Kerri did, the younger man cursing the fact that he couldn't control what he was seeing. He was focused only on Dean and Kerri, unable to see the rest of the room. And, judging from the pair's current actions, there was more he needed to be seeing. Someone else, or something else, was in the room with them, out of Sam's eyeshot and it had the older two's full attention. Dean was stepping forward, saying something, a silver object clutched in his hand. He was fighting something off, that much Sam knew for certain.

An instant later the room was filled with a blinding white light. Sam watched helplessly as Dean turned, shielding Kerri from an earth rattling explosion. The pair fell to the ground, his brother covering the redhead, both being pelted by a shower of debris. Before Sam could think, before he could even try and call out to them, the scene was over. The brunette blinked, the apartment coming back into focus.

"Evelyn?"

Sam turned when he heard the voices again. They were louder this time, and right outside the door.

_"So, what happens now?"_

_"Now, life is normal."_

_"What's the catch?"_

_"That went the time comes, I get what I ask for. No hiding, no tricks. Give me what I ask for, or I'll take what's mine."_

Sam blinked again, the world around him going dark. The apartment was getting further and further away, the voices fading as everything turned to darkness. He was suddenly aware of a deep ache within his body, a headache growing with each passing minute. Slowly he forced his tired eyes opened, surprised to see he was back in Kerri's house, asleep in Evelyn's room. He pushed himself up on his elbows, smiling a bit at the blanket which had been laid over him.

He wanted to go back to sleep, every muscle in his body telling him he needed to rest, but he didn't have that kind of time. He needed to tell Dean and Kerri what he saw. They had looked the same as they did now— which meant it could be right around the corner or a year away. Whichever it was, Sam knew he couldn't waste a second. The explosion had been huge, and he was unsure if either of them had survived it.

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Kerri was falling, she could feel it. She knew she was sitting in the kitchen, knew she was standing on solid ground— but that didn't stop the sensation. She still left like she was falling into the pit. Three years she'd been living with the guilt of her sister's death— three years she'd been trying to cope. When Sam and Dean came back into her life, she thought things would get better, but she'd been wrong. Her life was as screwed up as ever. She hadn't been prepared to see Evelyn again, hadn't been ready to hear the same words she'd spoken to her sister long ago. And she was definitely not prepared to deal with the consequences of the younger girl's return.

It had only been a few hours since Evelyn had merged her soul with Sam's and already she was taking over. Kerri wanted her sister back, more than anything in the world, but she wasn't about to sacrifice Sam to get it. She knew exactly what her sister did, knew the outcome of Evelyn's actions. Two souls couldn't live within the same body, it was the biggest hurtle they faced. But they'd found a loophole, or at least, they thought they had. Evelyn could astral-project, so maybe, if a 'photocopy' of her soul merged with another both could share the body. It was a long shot, Kerri knew that, but now it was a theory Evelyn was testing on an innocent Sam.

It wasn't fair to him. Even if Evelyn could piggyback on his soul with no repercussions, he shouldn't have to carry that weight around— shouldn't have to house a soul which had no business remaining on earth. Worse still, if their theory was wrong, it meant Sam was running out of time. Evelyn had already begun to take over, and Kerri knew the only thing that could stop her sister was figuring out the younger girl's message. And therein lied the problem. Kerri wasn't in danger, well, wasn't in immediate danger, so what the hell was Evelyn trying to save her from? Secondly, it wasn't lost on the redhead that Evelyn kept saying 'them' not 'her'. There was still more to this mystery.

"Here," Dean's deep voice brought Kerri back into the moment. The blonde placed a cup of coffee in front of her before sitting at the table. The pair sat in silence for a few minutes, neither one knowing where to begin. They were getting in way over their heads. Sam was still asleep in Evelyn's room, though Dean had found an old baby monitor in the attic and set it up. Kerri still had to laugh— even at twenty-five, Dean still thought of Sam as a little kid.

"So." Dean began slowly, staring down at his cup.

"So." Kerri answered, knowing what Dean was trying to do.

"Yeah."

"I know we have to stop it, Dean."

"Is that something you can do? I mean, if it was the other way around—."

"It isn't. And yeah, it's something I can do. After all, it's not really her, right." Kerri looked up, trying to smile through the lie. By the look in his deep green eyes, Kerri knew Dean knew different. This was more than just the ghost of Evelyn, this was Evelyn— just without a body. She could think, could move around, could do more than just repeat the same action over and over again. She was as alive as she had once been, just in someone else's body.

"Sure, yeah." Dean began after a moment, he too finding comfort in the lie. They had to focus on Sam, focus on the living— not the dead. "Evelyn said she had to save you, any ideas what she means?"

"No."

Dean looked down, fidgeting with the cup before answering, almost like he was searching for the right words. Kerri knew that couldn't be good. "Back in Colorado, with the Korrigan— Yellow Eyes showed up."

"Yeah, I remember." Kerri looked down, wishing she could forget the Demon.

"The Demon said— it said telling Dad what happened to Ev wasn't your first mistake?"

Kerri let out a long breath, the Demon's words coming back to her like it was in the room. "I've made a lot of mistakes, Dean."

"Is that why Ev would want to save you?"

"No. The Demon meant my first mistake was not telling everyone what I saw when I was a kid."

Dean didn't know how to answer. He knew what Kerri had seen, knew she'd witnessed her mother's death, had spoken with the Demon that long ago night— and he knew she'd kept it all a secret. For decades their fathers tried to figure out what had killed Mary and Elizabeth, and all that time Kerri knew. But the pair had already been through this when the Trickster attacked, they couldn't dwell on the mistakes of their past.

"What about a hiding place? You said after Ev died you stopped looking. Do you think there's really someplace she kept secret?"

"I'm sure of it. Hell, she used to hide away before you guys left."

Dean could remember long afternoons looking for Evelyn— but he never found her. She would just pop up on her own eventually, come walking down the hallway like she'd been there the whole time. It was before she'd discovered her ability to astral-project, but it was the same basic concept. Evelyn knew of secret places in the house the others had yet to find, and Dean hoped that maybe those secret places would hold the key to the mystery that was Evelyn Harrison.

"Sammy's not doing good." he began after another few minutes, needing to get the discussion back on track. Sam had to be their main focus.

Kerri sighed, willing herself to focus on the problem at hand. She hadn't been exaggerating when she told Sam seeing him hurt her. The brunette was a constant reminder of what she had lost, like a window into a future her sister would never have. She knew it wasn't his fault, knew she shouldn't blame him for being alive while her sister wasn't— but a part of her couldn't help it. She could still remember when they were three, the little pair inseparable. They were a port in the storm, they were life without hunting— they were normal. In dark times Kerri looked to the younger kids for strength, looked to their innocents when life became too terrifying. Now Evelyn was gone, and Sam was a reminder of just what Kerri had truly lost.

"We never figured out how to make it stop." Kerri answered slowly, knowing what Dean was asking. This was something Kerri ultimately thought wouldn't work, she had no idea what would happen now Evelyn had put their theory to the test.

"There's no way?"

"This is uncharted territory, Dean, I have no idea what's gonna happen. I mean, Sam and Evelyn aren't even normal."

"What's that supposed to me? How the hell are they not normal?"

"Dean—."

"No, Ker, I don't want you starting that crap up, too. I've had enough people tell me my brother's some kind of freaking monster."

"I didn't say anything about them being monsters, Dean. And if you're forgetting my sister's like Sam, too. I'm saying they're different, like it or not. They're psychic and marked by a freaking demon. Who the hell knows what they're capable of and what's really going on. I didn't think this would work and the idea only came to me because Evelyn could astral-project. This isn't normal circumstances."

Dean closed his eyes, gathering his patience. Well, at least Kerri hoped he was gathering his patients, she wasn't up to a shouting match at that moment. Things had been strained lately, the reality of the war they were facing bearing down on them. Whatever the Yellow Eyed Demon had planned was starting to come to fruition, Kerri could feel it. They were running out of time, but they still had no idea what was going on.

"I'm sorry." Dean began after a moment, "I'm just worried about Sam."

"I am, too. Just because he's not my brother doesn't mean I don't care about him."

"Even if it hurts you to see him?"

Kerri tried not to flinch at the statement. She knew Dean had been eavesdropping when she was talking to Sam, well, as least she suspected he'd been. What she'd said to Sam was the honest truth— every time she looked at him, all she could see was what Evelyn had missed, what was lost. And it hurt, it would always hurt. But she needed to let both brothers know it wasn't their fault. Sam and Dean wanted to save the world— needed to save the world— it was just that simple. They would lay down and die for a complete stranger, offer up themselves to save an innocent life. They were martyrs for their cause.

"Do you listen to everything I say, or only the parts that are gonna piss you off?"

"I'm not pissed."

"I know you better than you think. Yes, it hurts me to see Sam and know Evelyn's gone. But like I told him, that's not your fault— it's just the way life worked out."

"How can you be so blase about it?"

"Blase? I'm dying inside, Dean, but moaning and groaning about it isn't gonna bring Evelyn back. Nothing's gonna bring her back."

"Besides merging her soul with Sam's. This isn't her ghost, this is her."

"I know, but it's not at the same time. It might be her soul, might be her mind— but it's not Evelyn. It's not the little girl you remember. It's not the sister I lost. This isn't a girl that's gonna grow up, isn't someone that's gonna have a future. This is a lost soul who's trying to fix something. I know the difference."

"I'm not sure if I do." Dean answered quietly. "I'm not sure I can just push her away. I mean, I know I have to. I know I can't let her hurt, Sammy— but it's Evelyn."

"Then why'd you ask me if I could handle this?"

"Cause I was hoping at least one of us could." Dean looked up, his eyes locking with her's. They both cared about their younger siblings, and now they were being forced to chose between them. If Dean had it his way, he'd be able to save them both— but that wasn't an option.

Kerri felt the weight of the world bearing down on her at that moment. She wasn't sure she was strong enough to carry her own guilt and Dean's at the same time. But he was her best friend, her lifeline, she would do whatever she had to to help him, to save him. All her life, Dean had been one step away from falling, one wrong move away from being lost forever. He'd somehow made it this far, and Kerri would be damned if she let him go now.

She was saved from answered by footsteps overhead, the sound of Evelyn's door slamming echoing on the monitor Dean had on the table. The pair pushed away from the table, moving to the back stairs. They intercepted Sam on the second floor landing.

"What?" Dean began, grabbing his brother's shoulders, keeping him upright when the younger man swayed dangerously.

"You guy's are still here?" Sam asked breathlessly.

"Where else would we go?"

"I thought— I was just making sure."

"Come on, why don't you lay down."

"I don't need to lay down." Sam pushed away, steadying himself before turning to Kerri. "Are you alright?"

"Me?" Kerri asked, her eyes going between the brothers, "why wouldn't I be?"

Sam swayed again, his body jolting. Dean grabbed him, calling out Sam's name. Just when Kerri was sure the younger man was going into another seizure his eyes flew open— and this time both were icy blue.

"Get behind the salt, now." The voice that came from Sam wasn't his own. It sounded as if both he and Evelyn were talking at the same time, the younger girl's voice growing stronger as the seconds ticked by. "Now, Kerri, now."

"Evelyn?"

"Now!"

Before Kerri could answer a pain unlike any she'd ever felt ripped through her body, stabbing her, tearing at her. She knew she was screaming, but she couldn't stop herself. She felt like her scull was being cut open, her mind exploding with pain. All she wanted to do was make it stop. She was vaguely aware of someone's hands on her shoulders, someone holding her, but she couldn't focus. At that moment her world was falling into darkness, and Kerri welcomed it. Anything to get away from the pain.


	8. Chapter 8

_sorry for the delay, life's been beyond hectic. why i went from one job to two i'll never know. thank you all so much for the great reviews, they mean the world to me. i hope everyone's still enjoying the story, thank you for sticking with it :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 8

Dean's mind was going from zero to sixty and back again. Ten minutes beforehand he was having coffee with Kerri, discussing his sleeping brother. Since then, he'd caught his panicked brother in the hall, watched as Sam was overtaken by the ghost which was half possessing him, only to have the whole thing end with Kerri collapsing in his arms, screaming like she was being murdered. What the hell? Dean didn't know where to start. Kerri was still struggling in his arms, the redhead writhing as pain tore through her body. And there was nothing Dean could do about it. Nothing was attacking her, at least nothing he could see— there was no way he could fight this.

Sam was sitting on the ground behind him, his horror filled eyes watching Kerri. At that moment, Dean wasn't sure if it was actually Sam or Evelyn, or a mixture of the two. All he knew was Sam was ok, and Kerri wasn't. He had no idea what was going on. A few minutes ago Kerri had been fine, now she was shaking and screaming in his arms.

"Get her behind the salt." Sam's voice pulled Dean away from Kerri, the blonde turning to his younger brother. It looked like the brunette was coming around.

"What?"

"The salt. Something's after her, you gotta get her behind the salt."

Sam's urgent plea sent Dean into action. He scooped Kerri up in his arms, nearly dropping her when her body began to seize, another deafening scream accompanying the movement. Whatever was happening to her, it was killing her. Dean thanked whatever god their was for Kerri's lack of closure after her family's deaths. The majority of the house was still sealed with salt, giving Dean a quick and hopefully easy escape.

He kicked open the closest door, cursing when the salt on the other side of it scattered. He laid Kerri on one of the dust covered beds in the guest room before running out to the hall to collect Sam. The younger man was moving on his own, though he looked slightly delirious. Dean just grabbed his arm, pulling him into the room. He hoped Sam would come around on his own, he couldn't deal with both of them in danger at the moment.

Dean ran down the second floor landing, the sound of Kerri's screams making him move faster with each passing second. He pulled open one of the linen closets, knowing the little bit of training Kerri had wouldn't let him down. Just like Tom had insisted, there was a bag of salt waiting for him. Dean made his way back to the guest room, ripping open the bag as he ran. Sam was sitting on the bed beside Kerri, holding her down as the girl continued to writhe and scream. He was saying something to her, letting her know everything would be ok. Dean let out a sigh of relief as he began pouring salt in front of the door— at least Sam was back instead of Evelyn.

The moment Dean finished sealing the door Kerri stilled. He dropped the bag, rubbing his eyes as he secured the rest of the room. Once he was sure all supernatural avenues in were sealed, he moved to sit beside Kerri. The redhead was out cold, blood running freely from her nose. Sam had her limp hand in his, whispering soothing words to her as he ran a hand over her forehead. Dean watched the pair for a few moments— the two of them, they were his entire life. And now they were both hurting, both falling, and he was unable to catch them.

"Do you know what that was about, Sammy?"

"We're too late." Sam answered quietly.

"Too late for what?" Dean's voice broke, he didn't know if he could handle anything else at that moment.

"Evelyn said a deal was about to come due. I think it just did."

"What's that mean?"

"I don't know."

"You can't ask her?" Dean asked, looking up at his brother. He was surprised when he saw Sam's eyes were both brown— Evelyn wasn't there anymore. "Is she gone?"

"She's not pushing as hard. Before she was constantly there, now it's almost like she's fading."

"Which means she's giving up. Mean's we didn't stop it in time. Did she give you any clues about what's going on? Sammy?"

"No."

"Don't lie to me. Not about this, not about Kerri. If you know what's going on, you gotta tell me."

"Something's going on, I just don't know what it is." Sam rubbed at his forehead, cursing a moment later. "Ev's trying to tell me something, but it's all jumbled. And a couple of times when I was in the apartment with her, there were these voices."

"Voices?"

"Yeah, they sounded like they were coming from the other side of the front door. Whoever it was, it scared Ev."

"And you have no idea who it could be?"

"No. One sounds kind of familiar, but I can't place it."

"What did they say?"

"The familiar one asked what the catch was, and the other just said when the time comes he gets what's his, no questions."

"You don't think they were talking about Kerri, do you?" Dean swallowed, wondering what Evelyn knew. He needed to find her hiding place— it was the only place the answers could be.

"I don't know."

"Did she say anything about a hiding place, a secret room?"

"No, all I see is the apartment. But Kerri said that burned down."

"I know. But this can't be a coincidence. First Evelyn says she's trying to save her, then she gets attacked by something. When did Ev tell you a deal was about to come due?"

"After she showed herself in the bedroom."

"Anything else you're leaving out? How'd you know about the salt?" Dean was trying not to get upset, but this was all getting to be too much for him. He was spiraling and he was afraid he was out of time. As long as he'd known her, he had promised to keep Kerri safe and now he was failing, again.

"I just heard Evelyn, she kept saying to block Kerri. I swear, Dean, I don't know what's going on."

Dean looked between his brother and Kerri, taking a breath when he saw Sam's eyes. They were switching back and forth between blue and brown. Evelyn was obviously still there, but whether Sam was trying to hide her, or didn't know, Dean was still uncertain. It was a mystery he couldn't dwell on at that moment, though. Now, he had to focus on Kerri— he could deal with Sam after he knew the redhead would be ok.

"Sam—."

"I swear, Dean, I'm not hiding anything."

Dean wanted to believe his brother, wanted to let himself fall into the honesty of the statement, but he also knew his brother. When Sam's mind was set on something the younger man would do anything to reach his goal. After all, the road to hell was supposedly paved with good intensions.

"Are you sure she's safe behind the salt?" Dean asked after a few minutes, his eyes locked on Kerri's still form. He couldn't do this again, couldn't live through another near death experience. It was like the painting all over again, like the Watcher, like the Trickster— it just kept happening over and over again.

"Yeah, pretty sure."

"I thought nothing could get inside the house. I mean, all our lives the barriers around the house have held and now in the last year three different things have attacked her in it?"

"The Watcher managed to get through when we were kids. I think it's more that nothing physically real can get in, but things that effect our minds or are mirages can get by."

"Well that's just great. So you're telling me she's getting attacked by a psychic? Why?"

"I don't know, I just know what Evelyn said. I know this has something to do with the voices I keep hearing, but I just don't know."

"Yeah," Dean sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. He knew this had something to do with the voices Sam had told him about, with the 'deal that was about to come due'. "I need some air."

Dean left the room before Sam has the chance to answer. The blonde's mind was spiraling out of control, long buried memories coming back to the surface. The life of a hunter was a life full of secrets, and Dean was getting tired of it. It seemed like every hurtle he faced was the direct result of a secret he was forced to keep, long hidden truths he wished he'd never learned. He lied to the people he loved, shielding them from who he really was, hid away in a world of half truths and abridged stories.

Dean made his way up the attic stairs, subconsciously going to the same place he always did. He liked the upper most room of the house, liked the peace and solitude the old attic offered. It was a refuge in a tumultuous world. But instead of sitting in the back dormer, instead of letting his mind go back into his memories, Dean paced. He was too angry to sit, too angry to focus on anything but the truth now beating down all his walls. This was all because of Tom Harrison.

Dean had been six years old when he asked Tom why Sadie Miller hated Kerri so much, and twenty three years later, he still remembered the older man's answer. Kerri had contracted meningitis when she was a toddler, and even though she survived against all odds, she was left blinded by the disease. In a normal world Tom and Elizabeth would have learned to deal with it, would have taught Kerri to live in a world without sight— but their lives weren't normal. Tom had been a hunter for longer than Dean actually knew, and as a result he knew Kerri had 'other' options.

Tom told Dean he'd found a way to 'make Kerri better', but the hunter never once elaborated, and Dean had never thought to ask about it. After all, secrets were a fact of life. But now his blood boiled with the memory. Would Tom Harrison really trade away his little girl's future for a few decades of normal? Surely he wouldn't be that short sighted, that reckless with his own child.

Dean cursed, kicking at a box, the crate's contents flying across the attic. When had life gotten so screwed up? He was about the decimate another crate when the contents of the first caught his attention. He reached down, pulling an old t-shirt from the pile of clothes in front of him— it was his. He and Kerri had snuck into a Metallica concert when they were fourteen, each coming home with a shirt from the tour. As a matter of fact, the last time he'd seen the shirt was the ill fated summer he'd nearly lost Sammy forever, the summer he'd had the Harrisons ripped away from him.

"No way." Dean whispered, now noticing the other boxes around him. It was all their stuff, everything they'd left behind that day. His dad hadn't given him the luxury of packing before they left— no, they'd pulled Sam out of the ground and run. Dean always believed he'd be back, and apparently Kerri did, too.

Dean moved a few more boxes out of the way, trying to remember just what was here. He didn't have a lot, living out of a car not really enabling pack rat tendencies, but he had still left a good amount of stuff at the old house. The blonde sat by the boxes for about ten minutes, going through the contents, memories bubbling back to the surface with each item he found. Dean smirked as he put his first shotgun back in one of the boxes, stopping when something caught his eye. There, two feet away from him was a small door.

"I don't believe it." How could he have missed it, how could he have forgotten? All this time they'd been searching for a secret room, searching for Evelyn's hiding place— and all along, Dean knew where it was. He'd forgotten about it because Evelyn had never actually kept its location a secret. It was just somewhere only she went.

Ever since she was a small child, actually as long as Dean had known her, Evelyn had one place she always liked to go, a room which was always her's. It wasn't so much a room, just a small space in the attic where the newer part of the house met the older— but it was perfect for the small girl. And until that moment, Dean had completely forgotten about it.

"Dean?"

Dean spun at the sound of his name, surprised to see Sam standing behind him. The younger man's eyes were brown again, but the way they drifted to the small door led Dean to believe Evelyn was still present and active. "Yeah? What's wrong?"

"It's Kerri." Sam began hesitantly, making Dean's blood run cold.

"What, what about her?"

"She started talking a few minutes ago so I thought she was coming around. But I can't get her to wake up, and her mumblings getting more jumbled."

"I thought you said the salt would keep her safe."

"I did, it is. I don't know what this is. Evelyn said Kerri had seizures when there was too much information in her— maybe something's happening again."

"Sam," Dean began, following his brother from the attic, his heart hammering in his chest. "Please, please don't hold out on me."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are, Sammy."

"What I'm telling you is just guesses. Honestly, Dean, I'm not holding out."

Dean turned, staring down his younger brother. He knew Sam was holding out on him, that was just the 'Sammy way', but at that moment Dean had more pressing matters to attend to. He made his way to Kerri quickly, stepping over the salt lines carefully, knowing what would happen if they were broken. Something was after Kerri, trying to get the secrets she held hidden in her mind, and whatever it was, it was obvious now it was causing damage— well more damage than Tom's 'deal'.

Kerri was laying on the bed, mumbling almost incoherently beneath her breath. If Dean didn't know any better he'd say she was in the middle of a nightmare, obviously what Sam had originally thought, but Dean knew the redhead wouldn't wake. He sat on the bed beside her, leaning in close, trying to catch some of the phrases she was uttering.

"Ring of Solomon, behind the kitchen— Jeremy Swan died April 17th, unknown spirit discovered on hunt— Colt, treasures hidden— lock— kosmokrates, locked— stay away."

"Kerri." Dean began, shaking the girl gently. Whatever was happening to her had caused her mind to unlock, and Dean knew the secrets now spilling from her could mean her death. "Kerri, wake up."

"Blood— power. They're different— hell is coming. Poltergeists drawn to strife, no brainer."

"What else has she said?" Dean asked, turning to Sam, the younger man still standing in the doorway.

"Same basic stuff. Nothing makes sense."

"Well the kosmokrates were what the Trickster was looking for. You don't think someone's listening, do you?"

"No. I mean, I hope not."

"You hope not?"

Sam just rolled his eyes, finally stepping into the room. "I don't think anyone's listening. No one's here but us."

"What about the 'deal' coming due then?"

"I was thinking about that. Maybe something's not attacking her, maybe it was more like 'time's up'."

"Like, tick tick, time's up?"

"Yeah. Maybe whatever happened to get all that information locked in her head had a time limit."

"And now what? Now she's just some information spouting vegetable?" Dean snapped.

"Dude, I'm just the messenger."

"How does Evelyn know about all this?" Dean sighed, not really looking for an answer. But Sam's body language set off alarm bells. The brunette was looking down at his feet, fidgeting as he leaned against the wall. Yup, he definitely knew the answer to that question. "Spit it out."

"Huh, what? Spit what out?" Sam asked, feigning ignorance.

"Dude, I know you. You get all fidgety and OCD when you have a secret."

"I do not."

"Spill it, Sam. How's Evelyn know all this? Kerri told me she and Tom never told her anything. Hell, Kerri doesn't even know how her dad did it and she's the walking world of information."

"I don't know exactly, I mean, she hasn't shown me anything. But, if the other kids are any example, I'm pretty sure I know what happened."

"And now you're going for dramatic suspense?"

"Yellow Eyes." Sam sighed, finally meeting his brother's gaze.

Dean was left silent by the statement— he knew Sam had to be right. The Yellow Eyed Demon used the past to its advantage, used the actions of others to control, to frighten. If it knew about Kerri, then it knew how she came to be that way. He was instantly assaulted by another fear— the Yellow Eyed Demon knew about Kerri's mind. No wonder the Demon followed her so closely, no wonder it took a strange interest in a child who was not one of its psychic kids. It knew her secret, and Dean had no doubt it wanted the information for itself. Maybe that's why the Trickster went to such great lengths to ensure Kerri's silence.

Dean closed his eyes, his heart clenching with the revelation. This was so much bigger than anything he was prepared to deal with. The floodgates were starting to open, and Dean Winchester was sure he was about to drown. "I found Evelyn's secret room." Dean began, turning quickly to the door. They had to find the answers— now.

"What? When?"

"I was in the attic, I found a couple boxes of our old stuff. When I was going through them I saw the door."

"Door? And what old stuff?"

"After the earth demon. We didn't come back in the house, we just dug you up and jumped in the car."

"What? You never told me that."

"It never really came up."

"So you're saying— they didn't even know if I was alive before we left?" Sam asked, grabbing Dean by the arm.

"We called." Dean could still remember giving his brother CPR in the car. Could still remember Kerri's voice as she called out to them, the redhead running behind the car while everything Dean knew of the world was vanishing. "Look, Sammy, can we just deal with one problem at a time? I'm not really ready for a trip down memories from hell lane."

"Yeah, sure. So, this room?"

"You know it, you've been in it. Remember when we were little and Ev had her hiding place in the attic?"

"You mean that little crawl space between the original house and the addition? Could a full grown person even fit in there?"

"I don't know, the last time I was in it I think I was eight."

"And you really think she's got stuff in there?"

"It's the only option right now. I mean, neither of us really know anything about her."

"I know her." Sam defended, making Dean stop in his tracks.

"Easy."

"No. Just because I couldn't come back and see her now, just because she's gone doesn't mean I don't know her. If it was the other way around? If Kerri was dead you think you'd know jack about her?"

"What the hell, Sam?"

"It's just— don't tell me I don't know her. Don't pretend like she isn't real. I know we haven't seen her since she was little, that she's more distant than Kerri, but that's not her fault. I can't let her be pushed aside or forgotten just because she's not here anymore."

Dean stared down Sam for a few minutes, his heart aching for his younger brother. It was hard for him to look at everything that was happening now through Sam's eyes— but it was slowly becoming clear to him. Dean didn't know what he would have done if he came back to Valley and found only Evelyn, it would have been beyond devastating. Kerri was a huge part of his world, and he knew Evelyn meant a lot to Sam. Dean was suddenly overcome with an amazing amount of guilt, a dark reality finally dawning on him. Was it wrong for him to be happy Kerri was the one to survive?

"I'm sorry, Sammy."

"You don't— just don't ignore her."

"I won't."

Sam just nodded, the brothers making the rest of their way to the attic in silence. Once there Dean went directly to the small door. It was little, an entrance to a small crawl space, but to Dean, it was the gate to a vault. If he was right everything he needed to know to save both his brother and Kerri was on the other side of that tiny door. However, if there was one thing he'd learned throughout his life, it was that sometimes the answers were worse than the actual secrets.


	9. Chapter 9

_once again I'm sorry about the long wait. The last few months have been incredibly crazy and incredibly eventful. Thank you all once again for the great reviews, they mean a lot to me. I hope everyone's still enjoying the story. :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 9

Sam could feel Evelyn's nerves as he approached the door, the girl's trepidation growing with each step he took. She was still present within him, but since Kerri's attack she seemed more subdued. He was glad, both that she seemed to be leaving him alone and that she was still with him. He didn't know what he would do if Evelyn was gone. Yes, he knew she was dead, and she'd only been possessing him for a short time— but that didn't change anything. He needed to have her with him, she made him stronger, made him more focused. And besides, he missed her desperately. Ever since returning to Valley and finding only one of the sisters Sam had been lost. For nearly half his life he'd forgotten about Evelyn, but now the memory was back, and it was haunting him.

He stilled when Dean neared the door, the older man crouching down in front of the small entrance. Here they were, standing on the edge of all they needed to know, the edge of the mystery— and for the first time in his life, Sam didn't want to know the answers. Evelyn's messages to him had been jumbled, a sign she wasn't completely with him, that the once vivacious girl was no longer alive. Sam didn't know what they would find in the crawl space, and he was afraid it would change the memory of Evelyn forever. To Sam she was still the same little girl he'd left behind, still Ev. Since then she'd been contacted by the Yellow Eyed Demon, had watched as her sister fell apart— who knew how that had truly changed the brunette.

"Damn it." Dean's curse brought Sam back into the moment. His brother was trying to pry open the small door, and it was only then Sam noticed there was no longer a handle. When they were kids there had been a small handle at the top of the door, but strangely enough that was now missing.

"Where'd the handle go?"

"If I knew that do you think I'd be sitting in front of the door like a bump on a log?"

"Sorry. Do you think there's another way in?"

"I don't know. Evelyn telling you anything?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"I'm positive, Dean." Sam sighed. He didn't know why Dean didn't believe him. Kerri was hurting, and Sam would do anything in his power to help her.

"Alright. Let's get back to Kerri."

"What about the door? Just pry it open."

"If I could I would. The thing's freaking stuck."

"Like 'silly putty stuck' or just stuck, stuck."

"Silly putty stuck."

"Do you think Ev sealed it?"

"Damn."

"What?"

"I was just about to ask you that."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Just cause she possessed me doesn't mean I can read her mind."

"You were in that room more than me, was there another way in?" Dean asked, turning back to the attic stairs. Sam was amazed his brother had left Kerri alone at all, let alone to come all the way up to the attic. She was hurt, and if Dean was anything when it came to Kerri, it was overprotective. Yes, Dean was overprotective around everyone, but Kerri seemed to take the older man to another level.

"Dude, I haven't been in there since I was about ten, I don't remember. I know it went back a ways, maybe there's an entrance in the other attic."

"What other attic?"

"The crawl space was where the old house met the addition. What about the original attic?"

"It doesn't exist anymore. Turned into other rooms or something. At least that's what Tom said." Dean's voice seemed to change with his last statement, his eyes growing darker, angrier. Apparently he wasn't the only brother keeping secrets.

"Is there something _you're_ not telling me?"

"Huh? Like what?"

"I don't know. Something about Tom?" Sam stopped instantly, the voices he'd heard in the apartment coming back to him— he knew he'd recognized one of them. "You know what's wrong with Kerri."

"Sam, if I knew that would I being trying to bust into the ceiling?"

"You know what Tom did to her. How long have you known?"

"I asked him why Sadie hated Kerri so much." Dean began quietly, his shoulders slumping as he spoke. "It was when we first went to the store."

"You were six then, you've known that long?"

"No. I mean, he never elaborated, so I just kind of forgot about it."

"What'd he do? Why?"

"Kerri had meningitis when she was a baby."

"She never told me that."

"She doesn't remember it. Tom said she was around two, she almost died. They brought her back, but the fevers— she was blind."

"You never told Kerri this?"

"Tom asked me not to. He was a hunter before Yellow Eyes attacked, hell I think he was a hunter before he met his wife. He knew there were other things that could help Kerri, things doctors wouldn't know about. He told me he found some guy and took Kerri there, and got her eyes fixed. That's all I ever knew."

"Don't you think it's time you told her? She thinks her dad just did this to her with no reason, Dean."

"Did what to her?"

"The memories, the walking journal." It was all suddenly crystal clear to Sam. Whoever had offered to help Kerri didn't do it out of the kindness of his heart. No, there was something in it for him, and Sam was afraid Kerri was the mystery healer's ultimate prize. Sam was about to ask Dean if he was ok when the older man spun, punching the wall behind him so hard his fist went through the drywall.

"Son of a bitch."

"Dean?"

"Why couldn't he have just left her alone?"

"She was his kid, and she was blind. He was helping her."

"Helping? He sold her to the freaking highest bidder. You told me what you heard in the apartment, Tom knew damn well what he was agreeing to. He was just a selfish bastard."

"Kerri was blind."

"And now she might be dying. I'd rather have her forever without her eyesight then watch her die before she turns thirty."

"Maybe Tom thought he could fix it before time was up?"

"Why're you defending him?"

"Cause you didn't hear his voice, Dean. He was afraid, he refused at one point."

"Kerri told me Evelyn didn't know about what Tom did."

"Yeah well obviously you and Tom aren't the only people keeping secrets from her." Sam regretted the words the instant he said them. He was tired, stress beating down on him from all sides. Sam knew what being a hunter was, knew it was a life shrouded in lies and stories. Hell, he'd lived with Jessica for a year and she knew nothing of who he really was. But Sam did that to shield Jess from the supernatural world— Kerri, on the other hand, already knew about it all.

To say Dean looked hurt by his words was an understatement. Sam opened his mouth, wanting to let his brother know he didn't mean it, but Dean just turned his back, heading to Kerri's room in silence. Sam sighed, rubbing his eyes, he was really getting tired of all the secrets. A thought suddenly occurred to him, Sam's mind slipping into overdrive. Kerri remembered everything she learned, the information forever printed on her. But it wasn't just her memories, her experiences— she could learn from others as well, remember even the most insignificant things. Maybe, just maybe, the redhead knew who Tom had gone to.

Sam wasn't entirely sure how the information stored in Kerri's mind worked. She could pull up a few things at will, but she described it more like constantly running . Just noise and static and information constantly running, with no real rhyme or reason. So maybe, even though the information was there, Kerri herself couldn't find it, couldn't decipher it among all the other noise.

Sam followed his brother into the guest room where they'd left Kerri, the young man's heart aching when he saw the redhead's condition hadn't changed. He didn't know what he'd been expecting when they'd left the room. Kerri always seemed to have the ability to bounce back from everything, to stumble but never really fall. Now, thought, she was still unconscious, and Sam was starting to see how much danger she was really in. He had thought the painting was bad, but this, this was one hundred times worse. This was why Evelyn had refused to move on.

"She's sleeping." Dean began absently, sitting on the bed beside Kerri.

Sam sighed, sinking down into one of the nearby chairs. He wanted to talk to Evelyn, wanted to see what the girl knew, but he didn't want to leave Dean alone. His brother was hurting, Sam could feel it, and he knew falling into his mind was the last thing Dean needed at that moment. When Sam was in the apartment he couldn't control anything. He couldn't control or change what was going on around him. And he couldn't get out. He was there until whatever put him there had run its course. Out of everything that was happening, that was the one thing which truly frightened him. Every time he entered that world, he was never sure when or if he'd come back out.

"That's good." Sam answered quietly, not sure what to say. He was glad Kerri was sleeping and not unconscious, hopefully she was healing. As if reading his mind, Kerri's eyes began to flutter.

"Kerri?" Dean asked, standing and leaning over the redhead, his voice soft and coaxing. "Come on, Ker, open your eyes."

"Dean?"

"Yeah, you with me?" Dean's voice was soft, far more gentle than Sam ever thought it could be. "Open your eyes." Sam's heart rate increased when he realized Kerri had yet to open her eyes. He wondered for a moment if the redhead was even awake at all.

"Dean?"

"I'm right here, Ker. Just open your eyes, I'm right here." Dean added urgently, resting his hands on Kerri's shoulders. Something was very, very wrong, Sam could feel it.

"Where are you?"

"Here, Kerri, right here."

"They said we couldn't go down there, said we should stay away."

"Kerri? You're scaring me, open your eyes."

"There's something wrong. I don't think we should try it. I'm scared, Dean. Just stay with me."

Sam stood by the bed helplessly. He didn't know what was going on with Kerri, wasn't sure if the redhead was reliving an old memory or something else entirely. Maybe her mind could no longer decipher what was real and what wasn't, what was her life and what was just random information. But at that moment, the young man's focus was on Dean. He was watching as his brother fell apart, each word spoken a nail to his heart.

"Kerri?" Dean began slowly, running a hand through her long hair. "Ker, are you with me? Are you awake?"

But this time Kerri didn't answer. She was just still, caught in either a deep sleep or something else Sam didn't understand. It wasn't right. Kerri was always moving, always on the go, a million and one things on her mind— she wasn't meant to be so still.

"Stay here, Sammy." Dean stood abruptly, going to the door.

"Where're you going?"

"To look for another way into that room."

"I'll come with you."

"No. I want you to stay with Kerri. Call me if she wakes up." Without another word, Dean left the room.

Sam stared at the door for a minute before sinking into a chair by the bed. He was tired, but he knew he couldn't sleep. He needed answers, needed to know what was going on, and he needed to find some way to stop it. If Kerri fell Sam knew Dean would too, but it was more than that. Sam could feel it deep in his bones, they were standing on the edge of something big. There was a war coming, hell it may already have started, and Sam knew it was a war they'd be in the very center of. He wasn't exactly sure what his or his family's roles would be, but he knew it would be something he never saw coming.

"I couldn't save her."

Sam jerked up, amazed to find himself sitting on the sofa in Evelyn's old apartment. He didn't even remember falling asleep. His heart nearly stopped when he looked around the room. Evelyn was sitting on a chair near the other sofa, Kerri lying next to her. "How'd she get here?"

Evelyn was dead, a spirit possessing him, this was her world. But no, Kerri hadn't died, she couldn't have, Sam had been sitting next to her just a few moments ago.

"She's not really here." Evelyn answered quietly, her eyes still locked on the image of her sister.

Sam didn't push the subject, he had come to realize Evelyn had powers he would never understand. "Is this what you were trying to save her from?"

"Yes. I could never save her though, she was too far gone. I realize that now."

"What do you mean, too far gone?"

"Once the deal was made, there was never any turning back."

"There has to be something."

"None of us can be saved. Not in life and not in death."

Sam closed his eyes, praying for patients. He thought as Evelyn grew stronger her message would become clearer. Unfortunately, he'd been wrong. "There's always a choice."

"Not always, sometimes the path is set for us."

"But we can deviate from it."

"Can we?" Evelyn asked, finally turning her eyes to him. "We've tried, and we're still the children of hunters. We've never been able to leave our paths."

"Evelyn, how do you know what's happening to Kerri?"

"I learned a lot after you left."

"From Kerri?"

"No."

"Evelyn, what did you do?"

"I was lost, I didn't know where to turn. I didn't know he was a demon— maybe I did, I just needed someone."

It was the most lucid the brunette had been since the entire ordeal and Sam was beginning to wonder if her cryptic messages weren't all that cryptic. Maybe it was just Evelyn's way of hiding the truth. "You can tell me, Ev."

"I can't, I told Kerri and look what happened."

"I won't let her know what you say."

"They're trying to get rid of me, Sam." Evelyn breathed quietly, her gaze moving back to her unconscious sister.

"I know." Sam answered, his eyes downcast. He knew once Kerri was awake and safe Dean's next mission would be to rid Sam of Evelyn's spirit— and the younger Winchester wasn't sure he agreed with his brother. Sam didn't want Evelyn gone, he wanted her with him, forever. "You know, Dean thinks you're gone now."

"I'm not sure about that."

"He can."

Evelyn turned to him, a puzzled look on her face. Sam's heart ached, this was Evelyn, his Evelyn, he couldn't let her go again. He'd lost too much in his short life, had given too much over to death— he refused to give more. Evelyn was someone he could have back, something good he saved from the darkness. Yes, she was technically dead, but there in that apartment, she was as alive as ever.

"Sam?"

"I can convince him you're gone. You just have to hold back a little bit."

"Why?"

"I wanna help Kerri, I wanna fix her, to make this all go away, and I think you can help me. Plus, I don't wanna say goodbye, not again."

"We never said goodbye the first time." Evelyn smirked a little, the haunted look in her eyes slowly vanishing. She was turning back into the Evelyn he knew, the Evelyn he wished he'd been able to save.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't realize."

"I thought you'd died. Kerri told me you hadn't, but I didn't believe her."

"I forgot about you, blocked it all out. If I had remembered, I would have called. I would have come back."

"What's done is done." Evelyn answered somberly, turning back to Kerri. She reached up, resting her hand on the redhead's shoulder. Sam knew it wasn't real, knew this was all some kind of illusion, but it still took his breath away. It was both Harrison girls, side by side, and it was something Sam thought he'd never see again.

"Dean and I need to get into the small room in the attic."

"Why?"

"We need to know what you know."

"You can just ask."

"I wanna see it, too."

"It's open."

"No it isn't. We tried, it's sealed shut."

Evelyn looked up at him, studying him. "I never sealed it."

"Then who did? Kerri maybe?"

"She stayed away from the attic, it was Dean's place."

"She never went up there? But I saw our stuff."

"I put that there. Kerri doesn't heal well."

Sam stared at Evelyn, amazed how much the young girl knew about her sister. Yes, they were sisters, but Kerri always said they weren't close. It was strange to see the past twelve years through another set of eyes. Everything Sam had learned about his time away came from Kerri. Every question he had was answered by her, ever moment relayed to him was from her. But now he had Evelyn, and it was reshaping everything he knew about the Harrisons.

"Then who? Your dad died with you, who else is there?"

"Even if he survived, Dad wouldn't have sealed it."

"Why not?"

"He wouldn't have cared enough. He didn't look after Kerri the way he should have." Evelyn's voice was cold, sending chills through Sam's body. When they were kids Evelyn was extremely attached to her father, often clinging to the man. Now she spoke about him like he was the enemy.

"Dean told me Tom had taken Kerri to a specialist when she got sick." Sam began slowly, wondering if Evelyn would tell him exactly what she knew.

"He did something no one ever should have. He gave up his child."

"Kerri never knew, and I doubt Tom told you. How do you know all this Evelyn?"

"It was the Yellow Eyed Demon's way. He wants us separated, wants us all alone. It's easier to control people when they're all alone. He showed me what happened."

"So, you know who did this to her? Maybe he could help." Sam asked quickly. It was like finding a light at the end of a very long tunnel. But Sam should have known not to hope— life rarely worked out for him.

The apartment flickered and faded, almost like there was a blackout. Sam looked around him, wondering what was going on. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end when he heard the voices rise once more on the other side of the door. Sam cursed, the one thing he needed to know, the one thing Evelyn has been trying so hard to tell him, was the one thing her spirit wasn't able to process.

_"What happens now?"_

_"Now life is normal."_

_"What's the catch?"_

_"That when the time comes I get what I ask for. Give me what I ask for, or I'll take what's mine."_

"Evelyn?" Sam asked, the room around him suddenly going dark.

"Last I checked I was Dean."

"What?" Sam asked, blinking in the darkness, surprised to find he was sitting in the guest room. Kerri was still laying asleep on the bed beside him, his older brother sitting by her.

"Have a nice nap?" Dean asked dryly. He was being his normal sarcastic self, but Sam could see the underlying concern in his eyes. It was obvious the older man had not been at all calm when he came back to find both his brother and best friend out cold.

"How's Kerri?"

"Same. How's Evelyn?"

"What? How would I know?"

"So you weren't just chatting with her?" Dean raised his eyebrows, studying his brother.

"No."

"Sure." Dean turned back to Kerri, his green eyes haunted. He was quiet, too quiet.

"Dean? What's wrong?"

"I got the attic open." Dean answered quietly, running his hand up and down Kerri's arm. It was almost like he was using her as an anchor, the redhead the only thing keeping him from falling.

"Dean?"

"Do you have any ideas what's going on? Anything, Sammy?"

Sam wasn't sure how to answer, whatever his brother had found, it was crushing him. "I was in the apartment again, but Evelyn wasn't there." Sam lied, he didn't want Dean chasing the brunette away. "I heard the voices on the other side of the door again."

"And?"

"One's Tom. From what I can tell the other's the guy he went to for help."

"What were they saying?"

"Tom asked what happens now. And the other guy just said life will be normal. But when the times comes, he gets what he asks for or he'll take what belongs to him."

"What belongs to him? As in Kerri belongs to him?" Sam could hear the edge in his brother's voice, the older man tensing as he looked down as his friend.

"I don't think it's Kerri that belongs to him, I think it's the information in her head."

"But it's stuck in her head, meaning Kerri belongs to him."

"No, it means he wants what's in Kerri's head, no matter what the consequences. Dean, what did you see in the attic?" Sam wanted to know. He felt like the closet was the last hurtle in understanding Evelyn, the last piece of the puzzle she had become.

Dean looked away, his eyes locked on Kerri. He looked shell shocked, like he'd just returned from battle. "Dean?"

"I always thought I knew her, that I understood her. But I never really knew Evelyn, and I realize that now."

Sam stared at his brother, thrown by the older man's actions. He battled demons and monsters, he'd seen things few humans ever had. But now Dean was sitting in front of him, staring at the lax face of his friend, completely lost. Sam pushed himself up from his seat, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end when Dean didn't stop him. He couldn't imagine what was in Evelyn's secret room. Dean wasn't the kind of person who was easily rattled.

The youngest Winchester made his way up the stairs, determined to get to the bottom of the mystery which had become his life. A year ago the only thing he cared about was finding his father and the Yellow Eyed demon and finally avenging Jessica's death. But ever since that fateful hunt in Winchester, Wyoming life had changed— or rather, life had gone in reverse. He still couldn't believe he had blocked out twelve years of his life, that he'd managed to forget the very foundations which shaped him.

He slowed when he reached the attic, fear seeping in as he crept up the stairs. The door to the small room was still open, a crowbar discarded on the floor. The space beyond it was dark, foreboding. Sam took a deep breath, steadying himself— but nothing could have prepared him for what lay on the other side of that small door.


	10. Chapter 10

_Hello again everyone. I thought after that last cliffie i should get this posted. for anyone reading 'on the turning away' i promise i will resume posting that again shortly, i know it's been a long time :( ** hangs head in shame**. once again thank you all for the great reviews, they make my day!!!_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 10

Dean sat on the bed, staring at Kerri— when had things gotten so screwed up? Life wasn't supposed to be like this, the future wasn't supposed to be like this. Dean knew dreaming was dangerous, had learned at a young age that praying brought nothing— but that hadn't stopped him. Kerri was just so alive, so different, so real, and Dean couldn't help but dream when he was around her. Whenever he looked at the redhead he saw a future, saw the possibilities of 'what if'. At some point all that changed, though, and Dean couldn't wrap his mind around it. They were supposed to be so much, supposed to last forever— they weren't supposed to vanish before thirty. When he looked at Kerri now, instead of seeing a future all he saw was a black hole. His anchor was failing.

Dean let out a long, shaky breath— he had to figure this out. He ran his hand up and down her arm, his heart aching as he touched her smooth skin. He never should have come back, never should have disrupted her life. She should have married Brian, should have been safe. But what her father had done to her all those years ago destroyed any chance of that future. Dean should have stayed away, he knew that— but he also knew he'd never be able to. He needed Kerri in his life, he always had, and he would be damned if he was going to lose her again.

"Kerri?" Dean began softly, holding the redhead's hand. "You there, Ker?"

He sat silently for a few minutes, willing Kerri to speak, praying to anyone who would listen for the younger girl to wake up. At that moment he would have done anything to see her blue eyes again. He'd managed to get into Evelyn's secret room, and what he'd seen had shaken the seasoned hunter to his core.

He sighed a few minutes later, Kerri remaining completely still.

"I don't know if you can hear me. You know I hate talking to myself. I mean, yeah I do it every now and again, well maybe more than now and again. But I don't like doing it cause it makes me seem crazy. And when I think I'm going crazy I get nervous and when I get nervous I talk more, which only makes me look more crazy. So, you know, if you wanna have any hope of holding off the crazy train you better wake up and tell me to snap out of it."

Dean spoke in a rush, barely breathing as the words tumbled from his mouth. He licked his dry lips, taking a few deep breaths before continuing. He couldn't lose it, not now. Sam was still possessed by Evelyn, even if the liar said otherwise. Dean needed to get them back to normal, it was all he could focus on.

"You gotta wake up, Kerri." Dean spoke after a moment, cursing under his breath when his voice wavered, a tear escaping his eye. This was worse than the painting, worse than the Watcher, worse than the Korrigan. Kerri was comatose, and Dean was terrified she would never wake again.

"I can't—. You can't go, Ker. You're not allowed to. Please, Kerri, please don't go."

Dean stopped talking, taking a moment to get his bearings. He looked down on his friend, smoothing out her hair as images of her life flashed before his eyes. He saw her at six, weary of the world— Stonewall Kerri. He saw her at eleven, her art growing, her smile bright. He saw her at thirteen, scaling the side of the house, battling in canoes, and camping outside his room after the black dog. He saw her at sixteen, taking on three burly men in a game of pool, holding her own the entire time. She was brave then, strong, poised to take on the world, poised to have a future. And he saw her at twenty eight, broken, fragile, the light in her eyes dull. Twenty nine years, summed up in a few short minutes, a few choice memories.

"You've always been there, Kerri, always been with me. I know I've promised before, but I swear if you wake up I'll fix this. I swear I will. You just have to wake up, you have to stay with me. You have to."

Dean wanted to scream, wanted to throw something, break something. Just a few more days, a little more information, just a little more time and he could save her. This couldn't all be over, not now.

Dean closed his eyes, unsure if his next move would even work. It was a long shot, hell it was more than a long shot, but at that moment it was the only idea he had. "Evelyn?"

6666666666666

Sam sat in the center of the small room, his heart beating out of his chest as the dim light swung above him. How had this happened? Evelyn was always bright, always so full of life— hell she was the sweet one of the group. How the hell had it all changed, how had it all gone so freakishly wrong? There were drawings hanging on every spare bit of wall— some of the Yellow Eyed Demon, others depicting often gruesome deaths. And they were held to the walls with what Sam knew to be blood.

The entire room smelled stale, smelled like death. This had to be something else, another one of Tom's secrets— this couldn't be Evelyn's doing. To Sam she was a wide-eyed and innocent kid, she wasn't some dark monster. Kerri said she had changed as she got older, but this was something he could never have imagined. Even after seeing her in the apartment, even after speaking with her, this was a complete and total shock.

It looked like the lair of a serial killer, not a lost and frightened kid. Sure the Yellow Eyed Demon could influence those he chose, but this? If Sam didn't know any better he'd say Evelyn had actually followed the Demon, had actually worked with it before her change of heart. Which lead to another question— what could have happened to bring Evelyn back from the side of demons? She had stepped over than invisible line, had more than likely killed, Sam knew that now, but something had brought her back, something had saved her, no matter how temporarily. Something had broken the Yellow Eyed Demon's hold.

Sam moved further back in the long room, edging his way to the second light. When he'd made it to the attic the small door was open and the first light was still on. Apparently, Dean hadn't made it that far into the madness. Sam's heart beat fast as he reached for the light, afraid of what he might find in the dark recesses of Evelyn's sanctuary. The entrance had been bad enough, but the real horrors, Sam knew they had to be hidden deeper.

He switched on the light, blinking in the dim yellow glow, almost throwing up at the sight which greeted him. There was a small alter, bones and blood spread about it, the decaying remains of animals piled in one corner. Lining one wall were the same silver chalices he'd seen Meg with, a series of curved knives laying beside them, coated in dried blood. She had been using dark magic. But how? The Harrison's house was supposed to be protected, supposed to be a safe haven, a world away from the darkness which ruled their lives. But then, Tom worked on keeping the evil out, there were no charms to stop those who lived inside from turning.

As he sat there another fear grew in his heart— was this his future? All the other children had either turned or died, what did that say about him? Would he eventually kill? Would he lose his way enough to turn on those who once cared for him, to hide away from his own brother? Sam was terrified he would turn evil, even though Kerri and Dean didn't think it was possible. As long as they were around he knew he'd be safe, but when all is said and done, they're just as mortal as everyone else.

Sam could feel his heart breaking, a tear running down the side of his face— this should never have happened, Evelyn should never have been lost. Everyone doted on her, watched out for her, followed her. Everyone saw her as the perfect little girl, the angel among the trouble makers that were he, Dean, and Kerri. But everyone had been wrong. Evelyn had been harboring a dark secret, had been courted by the demon responsible for so many deaths, and no one had been there to help her.

One day, one misstep in their lives, one argument, had destroyed the future for all of them. Had he just stayed in the house, had Dad and Tom not been fighting, had they just let Dean leave school and hunt. Had just one of them stood down, the future wouldn't have been forfeit. But they hadn't. Each and everyone member of both families stood stubbornly on their own principles, on their own ideals— and Evelyn was the one to suffer. Sam had always thought Kerri was the one who was overlooked, but now he realized it was Evelyn all along.

Kerri had Dean to watch her every step. She had Dean to keep her safe, to promise her a future. And she had Tom looking over her shoulder, studying her, molding her. And when they were both gone, she had Brian. Evelyn— Evelyn had no one. Sam was often in his own world when they were younger— he had taken her for granted. But he'd known the brunette all his life, she was more like a sister to him. Kerri and Dean had met in the midst of tumultuous times— they both remembered life before hunting.

Sam cursed, he wanted Evelyn with him, wanted to have her back, but he didn't deserve her. He didn't watch out for her the way he should have, didn't take care of her. He lived his life, went to college, all the while pushing every memory of Valley away. And while he was with Jessica, while he was dreaming of a future, Evelyn Harrison was dying.

Sam didn't know how long he sat there, lost in the torrents of his mind, lost in a rush of the past, present and future. It was like drowning in a whirlpool, and he didn't know if he'd be able to pull himself back out again. So many lives had been lost in his short existence. His mom, his dad, Tom, Evelyn, Jessica, and now Kerri was hanging in the balance. And Sam knew losing her would absolutely destroy his brother. While Sam had forgotten about Valley he knew Dean never had, not even for a moment.

Sam turned to leave, the death all around him too much for him to handle. As he reached for the light, thought, something caught his eye. There was a picture hanging near the ceiling of the small space, one completely unlike all the rest. It wasn't one of death, thought it was still dark. All the other pictures Evelyn had drawn were shades of red and black, blood and shadow— but this one, this was normal.

Sam knew it was a picture of Kerri, the only red being the older girl's hair. She was sitting in a chair, her head bent down. She looked weak, sick. There were two shadows on either side of her, and though Sam couldn't make out who they where, he knew they were both men. The shadows were ominous, dangerous. Sam looked to either side of the drawing, noticing the entire ceiling was covered in similar scenes. This was what pulled Evelyn away from the demon— her sister. Somehow, somewhere along the way Evelyn had figured out what was happening with Kerri, and it destroyed whatever bond the girl had with the Yellow Eyed Demon.

Sam's heart suddenly exploded in his chest— Tom wouldn't have.

6666666666666

Dean sat on the bed, the silence around him deafening— he didn't think it would work. He needed to figure this out on his own, needed to save Kerri, but it seemed like the only person with any answers was Evelyn. Why hadn't he called her, why hadn't he stopped by? One visit and all this would have been avoided, one visit and Kerri's family would have been saved. But Dean let fear take over. He believed the Harrisons didn't want him, didn't need him— and to Dean that was unbearable. All his life he'd needed people, held on desperately to those he loved, and each and every one had left him behind. He couldn't face that again, not with Kerri. The sad reality of the whole situation, was that Kerri was the one person who never turned her back.

"Dean?"

Dean's head snapped up at the voice, his green eyes turning to the bed. "Kerri?"

"No."

Dean spun to his feet, his heart pounding as he faced the person behind him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was Evelyn, but not the Evelyn he remembered. He knew her as a little girl, but she'd died when she was a grown woman. She was beautiful, but the opposite of Kerri in almost every way. She stood as still as a statue, her pale eyes fathomless, her nearly black hair falling in waves around her small frame. Her skin was milky white, a white dress falling loosely on her body. She looked like a porcelain doll.

"Evelyn?"

The young girl's eyes drifted to her sister, and even though Dean knew the spirit could no longer breathe, he would have sworn he heard her sigh. "You and I weren't so different." Evelyn began after a few minutes, her gaze moving back to Dean. "We both gave everything for our families."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you, Evelyn."

"I'm the one who never asked for help. No matter how many miles there were between us, we were never further than a phone call apart."

"Do you know what's going on?" Dean asked, his eyes drifting to Kerri. He needed to bring her back.

"My father traded her future for his present." Evelyn answered bitterly.

Dean clenched his fists. He knew deep in his heart Tom was responsible for all of this, but he had still hoped he was wrong. "Tom did this?"

"Yes."

"Who, who'd he go to?"

"I don't know. He never told me."

"Tom spoke to you about this?"

"Not my father." Evelyn took a few steps closer, her eyes locked with Dean's.

He tried to move, tried to break eye contact, but he found himself locked, his mind falling into her pale eyes. The moment she touched him, the world was washed away. He was falling, lost in darkness, lost in a void. He was a few seconds away from real panic when the world around him came back into focus.

He was standing off to the side of a small room, watching a scene unfold in front of him. He was in a rundown old house, two figures in front of him. He couldn't focus on anything other than the shadows, the space around them hazy and undistinguishable.

"What happens now?" The figure to the right asked, and Dean noticed then the small child held in his arms. It was Tom and a tiny Kerri.

"Now, life is normal." The other shadow answered, and though Dean couldn't make out its features, he could see its eyes clearly. They were locked on Kerri's back, the innocent little girl asleep on her father's shoulder.

"What's the catch?" Tom didn't seem afraid, didn't look like he was ready to fight or run. It looked more like two men having a business luncheon and it made Dean sick to his stomach. Kerri was a baby and he'd given up on her.

"That when the time comes I get what I ask for. No hiding, no tricks. Give me what I ask for or I'll take what's mine."

Dean wanted to attack the man in front of him— Kerri was his, she belonged to no one else. He watched as Tom looked down at his sleeping child, Dean feeling a sick satisfaction when a look of guilt crossed the older man's face. Tom should never have been allowed to have her, he didn't deserve her.

"You lied to me."

Dean spun at the new voice, surprised to see Evelyn standing beside him, tears streaming down her face. She looked different, and dean realized instantly this was her memory. For the first time in thirteen years he was looking at a living, breathing Evelyn.

"This is all true." Another voice joined them.

"You told me you'd keep her safe, told me she wouldn't be hurt."

"No, Evelyn, I said I wouldn't hurt her. I never promised more. But if you keep practicing, if you keep using what I've taught you, you can save her. All you have to do is stay with me, follow me."

Dean's heart stopped when he saw the speaker. Evelyn was standing beside him, an older man by her, his hand resting on her shoulder. He stood too close to her, like she was his possession. But what unnerved Dean the most was what he saw when he looked at the man's face. His eyes were locked greedily on Evelyn, and they were a sickly shade of yellow.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank you all so much for the great reviews. Sorry i havent been able to get back to anyone personally in a while, time just isnt on my side at the moment. As always, enjoy :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 11

The room was dark, the stale air covering it like a blanket. Smoke rose from several ashtrays, the smoldering remains of half a dozen cigars littering them. A man moved from the corner, the pale light shining through the grimy window illuminating his silhouette. There were trinkets and pentagrams, dreamcatchers and shrunken heads hanging from the rafters, long burnt incense littering the counters and shelves. The man walked slowly into what looked like a kitchen, placing a coffee cup in the dingy sink. He rubbed his temple, this was harder than he thought it was going to be.

It wasn't often he was outsmarted, wasn't often he didn't get exactly what he wanted when he wanted it. But this prize was bigger than all the rest, and Victor Rayner had grown tired of the monotony of his job. This was going to be a challenge, and that excited him. For years he'd given people what they asked for, had 'saved' them— and all those years, whenever he came to collect, the fights waged against him had been pathetic to say the least. But this, this was starting off better than he'd expected.

When he'd met Tom Harrison all those years ago he knew the young man was weak. He was a hunter, yes, but that didn't make him brave. No, more often than not the hunters were the true cowards, gunning down their mistakes instead of facing them. But in his line of work Rayner needed people to be weak, needed them to be malleable, need them to bend to his will— and Tom Harrison had done just that. It's amazing what a sick child can do to a man.

Victor could still remember the little redhead, though he hadn't seen her in almost three decades. He'd never forget her, though, not her. There was something different about the girl, something special, and he knew she'd be the perfect candidate for this procedure. Tom had put up a fight, well he'd put up a decent attempt at it, but Rayner knew the man wouldn't leave his home until the toddler could see again. It was pathetic really, he was 'helping' his daughter, doing this for her 'best interests' but Tom knew all along he was selling the little girl. After all, when Rayner set his mind to something, he never backed down.

He closed his eyes, reaching out for Kerri's mind again, smiling when he felt the same familiar barrier. Tom had sealed the home long ago, making sure nothing evil could ever get in. But that only worked for physical beings, that didn't keep illusions or thoughts away from the home. This barrier was something different, but what Rayner wasn't one hundred percent certain. Something was blocking Kerri from him, locking her away, and it could be for any number of reasons.

He pulled back, it was time to try a different game plan. He was going to get Kerri's mind, there was no other option, and he knew he'd win no matter how hard the kids fought against him. After all, he'd been around forever, the Winchesters were barely out of their twenties. Victor smiled, he knew about the Winchesters, hell the entire hunting community knew about them. Ever since getting involved with the Harrisons, though, Rayner had taken a special interest in them. Dean bonded with Kerri, never knowing the younger girl was already take, already the property of someone else. And now that same stubborn kid was trying protect her.

Victor relinquished his hold on Kerri's mind— if it was a fight Dean Winchester wanted, it was a fight he was going to get.

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Dean was lost in the dark, the last thing he could remember seeing was the sickly yellow glow of the Demon's eyes. Yellow Eyes knew what Tom had done to Kerri, and he'd shown it all to Evelyn. But how, why? What had Tom gotten his eldest daughter into? Dean didn't believe Tom had traded Kerri's mind to the Yellow Eyed Demon, but the creature had somehow figured it out, had somehow gotten uncomfortably close to the entire situation.

"Dean?"

Dean blinked in the darkness, he felt strange. He felt comforted, felt warm, safe. The last this he knew he was standing in a cold and dark room, watching as the future was stolen away before it ever began. But now he was drifting, floating, calm.

"Dean?"

Dean just mumbled, surprised by the sound of his own voice. It was weak, barely more than a whisper. What the hell?

"Dean, come on, man."

"Sam?" Dean finally managed, pushing open his eyes. He was laying on the bed beside Kerri, his head resting on a pillow, one arm thrown over her. The last thing he remember he was sitting next to her, when had he laid down?

"Yeah. We gotta stop passing out when the other one leaves the room."

"Now you know how it feels." Dean groaned, pushing himself up on his elbows. He looked over at Kerri, his heart sinking when he saw her closed eyes. He didn't know what he'd been expecting really. Kerri had been unconscious since the attack earlier, and she hadn't shown any signs of waking.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." Dean rubbed his eyes, checking Kerri's vitals. He didn't want to tell Sam what he'd seen. He chastised Sam about his involvement with Evelyn and now he was doing the exact same thing. But then, that was Ev. She was always around, always offering her 'help' to one of the brothers. She was the ringleader of the prank wars, their tiny leader. Dean's heart broke all over again at the memories. It was times like these when he realized exactly what they'd all lost, quiet moments when the void left by Evelyn's death was truly felt.

"Whatever, Dean. Any change?" Sam asked, nodding to Kerri.

"No. Did you see, you know?" Dean didn't really want to talk about it, but he knew he couldn't let Evelyn's secret room go. What he'd seen there had shaken him to his very core, and he knew keeping it quiet was only going to eat away at him.

"Yeah, I saw it." Sam answered quickly, staring out the dust covered window.

Dean didn't know what to say or do. He knew Sam needed him, but he needed someone to talk to as well. He knew Evelyn as a vibrant and loving girl, not the dark person who'd defaced the small room once reserved for private tea parties.

Dean was about to answer when Kerri's body bucked off the bed. "What the—." Dean began, immediately moving to support her. She tensed a few seconds later, her entire body going ridged as a seizure grew. Dean quickly turned her to her side, pinning her body against his, trying to keep her from hurting herself. He continued to hold her as the seizure ripped through her body. He knew it was only a couple minutes, but to Dean it felt like an eternity.

The seizure slowly began to dissipate, her body falling limp in him arms. He was about to lay her down again when she let out a long breath.

"How much longer is this gonna happen, Dad?" Kerri mumbled, leaning back, resting her head on Dean's shoulder. Dean couldn't help but tense, even the mere mention of Tom was enough to send him over the edge.

"Kerri?"

"Dean?"

"Is that really you?" Dean's heart was in his throat. The last time she's spoken she was still lost to unconsciousness, and Dean was afraid she would remain that way forever. But now, now there was a sign of life.

"Who else would it be?" Kerri asked sarcastically, even though her voice was still barely more than a whisper. "What're you doing here anyway?" She asked a moment later, finally opening her eyes.

Dean stared into them, lost in the deep blue gaze. It was something he thought he'd never see again. "I've been here for a few days, Ker."

"What?" Kerri blinked, bringing her hand up to rub her forehead. She was shaking. Dean quickly pulled the blanket she was laying on up around her shoulders, holding her to his chest as he helped her to sit. "Sam?"

"Yeah."

"But? What's going on?"

"What do you remember, Kerri?" Sam began softly, squatting down so he was at eye level with her.

Kerri was silent for several minutes, her eyes closed as she searched her mind. She began shaking more violently with each moment, and Dean was getting nervous. He was just about to tell her to snap out of it when she opened her eyes. "They died."

"You remember what year it is?" Sam asked, not the least bit phased by her response. And then it dawned on Dean, Sam had been expecting this, had been expecting Kerri's memories to be nothing short of a maze.

"I think. 2008?"

"Yeah, and what's going on?"

"Evelyn? She's trying to help you."

"She was," Sam answered quietly, "but she's gone now."

"Gone where?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you ask her?"

"Kerri? Evelyn died."

"What? She—." Kerri closed her eyes, shaking her head as she sat in Dean's arms. If he didn't know any better he'd say she was trying to fight off the information in her own mind. "God, I hate this."

"It's ok, Ker." Dean began, rubbing her arms, his heart clenching when she leaned back into him.

"It's not ok, Dean."

"I thought you died, this is ok compared to that." It wasn't like him to be so upfront with his feelings, but Dean needed to convey to Kerri the true magnitude of what they were facing, of what he was facing. He was watching the last two members of his family slowly slip away, and that was something he knew he'd never be able to survive.

"I just wish this would all stop. What happened anyway? All I remember was talking to Sam."

"Sam said to get behind the salt, and you just fell. You were screaming, you don't remember that?"

"No."

"It was like someone was trying to rip you apart." Dean spoke softly, willing his voice not to waver. It was one of the most terrifying moments of his life. The last time he'd felt that helpless was when he watched as Sam was pulled beneath the earth by the demon. "Sam also said Evelyn told him a deal was about to come due."

"What deal?"

Dean licked his lips— Kerri didn't know her father had sold her to someone, had traded her future for a few years of normal. He told Sam he was going to keep it a secret, hell he told himself he'd keep the truth hidden. But sitting next to Kerri, looking into her eyes— he knew he wouldn't be able to lie to her. Besides, as much as he hated it, she was his best hope for an answer. After all, nearly all of the world's knowledge was stored in her mind.

"What do you know about what Tom did? I mean really know."

"Uh, he found some way to lock information in my mind. But it got a little out of control."

"Anything else?"

"What else would there be? I never figured out what he did. So, I mean, I don't know how to stop it other than what I've been doing. Why, what's going on?" Kerri looked back and forth between the brothers, pulling away from Dean. It was exactly what Dean was afraid would happen— Kerri was about to shut him out.

"What aren't you telling me?" Kerri asked after both Sam and Dean were silent, panic edging into her voice.

"I thought I was helping—." Dean began, wanting to kick himself. He'd kept a huge secret from her and now he was trying to make it sound like it wasn't so bad— brilliant idea. "I'm sorry, Kerri." It was all he could say. He knew Kerri had been sick as a child, and if he'd told her the truth all those years ago, all this might have been avoided.

"Sorry for what, Dean?"

Dean couldn't answer her, his voice suddenly gone. How do you tell your best friend you've been lying to her for decades?

"Sam?" Kerri began, turning to the brunette.

Sam was kneeling beside the bed, his hand resting on Kerri's leg. He took a deep breath before meeting her gaze. "It wasn't your dad's choice."

"What wasn't? Why won't you two just spit it out?"

"The memories, the information— it wasn't some experiment Tom thought up."

"Yes it was, he used to test me on things, see what I knew and how well I could hide it. I'd say that was experimenting 101."

Dean looked up at her statement, blood rushing in his ears. Tom tested her, pushed the limits of her mind. And all for what, the upper hand in the fight against the demons?

"Kerri," Sam started, cutting her off, though his voice was still amazingly calm. It was a 'Sammy' trait which had always amazed Dean— his younger brother could stay calm and collected in almost any situation. "Please just listen to me. There's more to it."

"What more is there?"

"When you were little," Dean began, standing. He couldn't be near her, couldn't sit by her side while the world crumbled around them. He had kept a huge part of her life hidden from her, and now that secret might kill her. "You were sick. Really sick."

"How would you know?"

"When I first met you, I asked you dad why Sadie was so afraid of you."

"Because she was a bitch."

"That, and—."

"And what?"

"Tom told me you got meningitis as a little kid, you were blind."

"What?" Kerri snapped, staring at Dean like he was a traitor. Hell, he was.

"Tom was a hunter before he met your mom, he knew what to do."

Kerri shook her head, standing up as she moved away from the brothers. Dean's heart was in his throat. He and Sam both moved toward her, but Kerri just took a few steps back, eyeing them both like they were attackers instead of friends.

"Tom took you to someone." Sam explained, his voice level, calming, warm. "He fixed your eyes, but there was a price."

"A price? You're telling me that not only am I some freak of nature, but that my own dad sold my mind to someone so I could see?"

"You were sick."

"Don't defend him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was always good to Evelyn. But after he died that was all over."

"Kerri," Dean tried taking a step closer, cursing when she only moved away from him. "I should have told you, but until the last few days it honestly slipped my mind."

"Slipped your mind." Kerri's voice broke with the statement. "I went blind, everyone knew, my hunter dad took me to some kind of freaky specialist and fixed my eyes in exchange for my brain and it slipped your mind."

"I didn't know about the trade, not till Evelyn came back."

"She knew, too?"

Dean looked skyward, praying for patients, or to suddenly become mute— either one would work at that moment. This was beyond a train wreck and all the blonde wanted to do was fix it. He wanted Kerri to know she was safe, wanted her to forgive him, but he wasn't sure she ever would. "Kerri, please—."

Kerri took a few more steps back, remaining out of his reach. She was shaking her head, her eyes drifting back and forth between he and Sam, hurt written all over her face. "Just leave me alone." She turned quickly, leaving the room before Dean had the chance to catch her. The instant she stepped over the salt, though, the attack started again.

Kerri grabbed the sides of her head, falling to her knees as she cried out in pain. "Oh god, make it stop." Kerri cried out just as Dean reached her side. He pulled her up into his arms, stepping back over the salt as fast as he could. He handed her off to Sam, the brunette laying her on the bed as Dean made sure the salt lines were still in place.

"I hate this." Kerri breathed, her breath hitching as she buried her face in the pillow. "Why couldn't he have just left me alone."

"He was scared." Sam answered before Dean had the chance. "You were his little girl, his only child. You were hurting and he helped."

"He gave me away."

"I heard him talking in my mind, when Evelyn took over. He was scared, Kerri, he didn't want to."

"Then why did he?"

"Because in the end, you were sick. He probably thought he had time to fix it. Maybe that's why he tested you, to see what he could and couldn't stop."

"Brian told me Tom used to drill him about every place he took you. Make sure it was safe. I'm not defending him, hell I wish he was still alive so I could kick his ass— but if I knew it would help you, I don't know if I would have been able to turn down the deal." Dean spoke the honest truth. He cared for Kerri more than even he knew, he would have done anything to help her, to give her everything she needed. And if she was hurting and someone offered a way out, Dean knew in his heart he'd probably take the deal as well.

At that moment, though, there was another problem. "I saw it."

"What?" Kerri and Sam asked in unison, both looking at Dean.

"When Sam was upstairs, I called Evelyn, and she came. She showed me what she knew."

"Which is?" Sam asked, hurt evident in his voice. After all, Evelyn had possessed him, but she'd opened up about all the secrets to Dean.

"I can't make out the man Tom went to, but she showed me everything that happened that day."

"How, she's younger than Kerri." Dean didn't miss the fact that his brother was now referring to Evelyn in the present tense.

"Yellow Eyes showed it all to her. I saw him, too."

Kerri's eyes grew wide in fear, the redhead inching closer to Sam as Dean spoke. Yellow Eyes had come back into their lives again— hell he'd never left. It was all so mixed together, the Demon showing up more often than Dean cared to think about. It was almost like he was checking up on Sam and Evelyn, molding them, leading them, shaping their minds. And Dean needed to know why.

Their lives were ruled by the Demon, and Dean was afraid this was all bigger than he could imagine. Something was coming, and he knew it was coming fast.


	12. Chapter 12

_hello everyone. sorry for the wait, real life has been a hassle. thank you all once again for the great reviews, they make my day. while a lot of secrets are coming to light, the Something Lost Series is not ending, at least not right now ;). i still have several more stories planned. as always, enjoy :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 12

Sam sat on the worn leather sofa in the library, one book on his lap and several more spread out around him. He couldn't believe the twists and turns his life was taking— and the stakes had gone up. On top of everything else going on, they now knew the Yellow Eyed Demon had a role to play. What that role was, Sam still didn't know, but the Demon's presence was enough to put him on edge. Something else was nagging at the brunette, though, something which had very little to do with an answer for Kerri. Evelyn had showed herself to Dean, even after he asked her to keep a low profile. Worse, she had shown him exactly what had happened.

Every time she tried to clue Sam into the mystery her words were jumbled, the meaning indecipherable. When Dean asked, she showed him exactly what she knew. So, why could the girl send her message to Dean and not Sam?

"She's awake."

Sam spun at the voice, his heart nearly stopping when he saw Evelyn standing beside him. She always appeared in his mind, in her old apartment— never once in the salt ladened house. "How—, what're you doing here?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, tilting her head as she stared at him.

"You're supposed to be in my head."

"I'm not imaginary."

"How'd you get past the salt, then?"

"I'm connected to you, housed within you, so I can use some of your more human attributes."

"That is so beyond creepy."

"To your first question, you're sleeping."

"I don't remember being tired."

"It wasn't exactly voluntary."

"You're getting stronger. You even showed yourself to Dean."

"He asked."

"Why did you show him what happened to Kerri and not me?"

"Azazel taught me many things."

"How long were you with him?"

"One minute, many years, it doesn't matter. All that matters is what I can do now."

"And that is?" Sam asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know. He remembered Evelyn as the little girl who hated camping, his partner in crime. Now she was something different, something dangerous. But for the life of him, Sam couldn't stay away from her.

"I showed Dean what happened because he was closer to Kerri than you. His essence matches her's more closely."

Sam didn't know how to react. He'd heard the exact same thing once before— when they were hunting millionaire art dealer William Bramhurst. There was something between Dean and Kerri, some type of connection which activated the painting, nearly killing Kerri in the process. It was something they'd had all their lives, a connection they had made the moment they met, Sam knew that, and a part of him was jealous about it. Because he knew deep in his heart, that he never shared such a bond, not even with Jessica.

"Why can't you tell me who did this to Kerri?"

"Because that's something even I don't know. After Azazel showed me the truth I broke away from him. I used everything I learned from him to help Kerri, and I failed."

"She's ok now, we still have time."

"She's far from ok. She never should have woken up."

"What?"

"There was a time limit."

"The deal."

"When the time comes, I get what's mine." Evelyn spoke quietly, mimicking the words Sam had heard over and over again. "I never knew when that time was."

"But you said the deal was about to come due, right before Kerri went down."

"I felt it coming, felt the wave."

"The wave?"

"The man that did this to her, he was taking what belonged to him."

"But I didn't think anything could get in the house?"

"As long as it's connected to someone in the house, evil can enter."

"Like piggy backing off psychic energy."

"Yes. My father was naive in his belief that a few symbols could keep the world at bay."

"Then why'd she wake up? What stopped it?"

"I don't know. But now that the wave has lessened, I can keep it away."

"Keep it away?"

"I'm not strong enough on my own, only if she's behind the salt."

"That's why she can't step over the boundaries?"

"And that's why I need your help, Sam." Evelyn took a few steps closer. It was like the air around him grew thicker, heavier. Evelyn's voice was stronger than he remembered it being, like a force encircling him, binding him.

"My help?"

"You and I aren't all that different. I can show you how to use what you were given."

"I wasn't given anything." Sam began, his heart pounding, what did Evelyn know?

"Our mothers died when they witnessed the truth."

"You're scaring me, Evelyn."

"You should be scared, but I can help you."

"I trust you, just tell me what I have to do."

"When we were little, the Yellow Eyed Demon visited us— Azazel gave us his blood."

Sam felt his blood run cold, his legs going weak. It couldn't be true, it had to be another twisted message. There was no way he could have demon blood in him, it just wasn't possible. He was Sam Winchester, Sammy, he wasn't some half demon warrior. All he ever wanted, more than anything else in the world, was to be normal— and now Evelyn was telling him it would never be possible. And that left Sam heartbroken.

"You're lying." It was all Sam could muster, his voice suddenly small. There was no going back from this, no normal. He was forever changed by one short sentence.

"I didn't believe it either, but he showed me. It makes us stronger, though, Sam."

"That's not a good thing. It makes us what we hunt."

"Not if we use what we have for good intentions. We can help people. Help Kerri and Dean."

"I know Kerri's hurting, but what about Dean?"

"I don't know, not yet, but I've always been afraid for him. I've met others like us, and out of all of them, you and I are different."

"Different how?"

"We have Dean and Kerri. No one else has an older sibling."

Sam went back over the catalogue of special children in his head. Evelyn was right, each and every one was either an only child, older sibling, or twin— none were the second born. None that is, except for the children of hunters. But still, that didn't make sense, Evelyn's father was a hunter before he was married, and as far as Sam knew, neither of his parents were.

"How can I help?"

Evelyn smiled, taking a few steps closer. "Let your body relax, close your eyes."

"Wait, wait. Tell me what I'm about to do first."

"If you can tap into your power, you can build a wall."

"I can? Like the force be with me or something?"

"I'm being serious, Sam." It was the first time Evelyn had sounded like Evelyn in a very long time, and those few words left Sam both happy and broken. Evelyn was dead, she had been for several years, but at that moment she was the girl he'd left behind at the tender age of twelve.

"So, I have to close my eyes. And concentrate?"

"Yes, you'll be able to feel it in your blood. Like cool fire in your veins."

"Cool fire?"

"Do you want to help or make jokes?"

"Sorry." Sam smirked before closing his eyes. It was good to have the other brunette back. He let his mind wander as he listened to Evelyn's quiet voice, her words sinking into him, even though he could no longer make them out. And then he felt it.

It was exactly like she had described— like cold fire. It raced through his veins, his adrenaline growing with each passing second. If felt good, which terrified him.

"Don't fight it, let it take over."

Sam wasn't sure that was very good advice. He was reaching into his darker side, embracing demon blood— nothing about that seemed right. "Evelyn—."

"Trust me." she answered quietly, and Sam was surprised how close her voice sounded. Her face was mere inches from his.

Sam felt himself relax, he trusted Evelyn, he always had and he always would. For the second time he felt the fire within him grow. Every fiber of his being told him to fight it, to keep the growing strength at bay, but he trusted Evelyn.

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Kerri sat on the bed, staring at Dean's back— it had been three hours since she woke and she was already bored out of her mind. She'd tried leaving the room again, only to have the same breathtaking pain assault her, again. They didn't know what was going on, but it was keeping her confined to salt covered areas. Sure her house was huge and the room she was in was the size of a small apartment, but she still felt trapped.

What made it all the worse, though, was that she and Dean were currently not talking. She couldn't believe he had kept something so big a secret from her for so many years. Dean was the person she trusted more than anyone else in the world, the person she relied on the most, and he had been lying to her for years. It hurt. She knew he was trying to save her feelings, trying to keep her from being a freak, but he had still lied to her, and Kerri couldn't get past that. But then, she, Sam and Dean seemed to be lying to each other a lot lately.

She looked again at Dean's back, the blonde hunter texting Sam as he guarded the door. Kerri just rolled her eyes, she wasn't suicidal, she wasn't gonna try and break out again. Well, maybe she would, but she didn't need Dean guarding the door.

"Did he find anything?" Kerri asked when Dean closed his phone. Sam was over in the library, trying to find anything even remotely helpful. Kerri knew he wouldn't, though. All her life her dad had kept this a secret, and she knew in her heart there would be no record of it other than what was in the man's mind. No matter how much Kerri learned, there were some secrets her father took to the grave with him.

"No." Dean answered without turning around.

They fell back into an uncomfortable silence after that, neither one willing to initiate any kind of real conversation. There was nothing to say. They'd lied to each other, plain and simple— this wasn't going to be an easy fix.

Kerri rubbed her eyes, pushing herself up off the bed. She had a killer headache, but it was thankfully lessening. She knew Dean had every right to be afraid, every right to be worried, but she— for some reason— wasn't afraid. This was something she had lived with all her life, a shadow she had been hidden beneath forever. Besides, her family was already gone and Sam and Dean were slipping further and further away with each passing day— what did she really have to fight for? Her life had turned into one big joke, and she had gotten tired of it.

Kerri looked away from the window when Dean's phone chimed again. He pulled it from his pocket, sighing before turning toward her. "Sammy needs me, stay put." Without another word he left the room, closing and locking it on his way out.

Kerri just rolled her eyes, the freaking door locked from the inside. She went over and pulled on the handle, shocked when it didn't open. She pulled again, turning the knob and lock at the same time, wondering if maybe they were stuck. When that didn't work she looked through the old key hole, cursing when she saw something jammed into it. "Dean!" she yelled through the door, he was really pissing her off.

"Stay put." Dean called back. Kerri listened as his footsteps grew fainter and fainter. She cursed, kicking the door before walking back over to the window. She wasn't some kind of animal he could keep caged, she wasn't his pet. She was twenty-nine, she could make up her own mind, whether he liked it or not.

She glanced out the second floor window, wondering if she could make it to the next room over without falling off the side of the house. The last time she had tried it Dean was there helping her. The memory sent chills through her body. It was the first time their parents had decided to take them camping, and also the last— it seemed like a different life. She was just about to pull open the window when she remembered who's house she was actually in. It had been so long since she'd been on this side of the salt that she'd forgotten about all the secret passages and stairwells. She smiled, Dean thought he was being clever, she'd show him.

She scanned the walls of the guest room, trying to remember where the old servant's door was. She shook her head, trying to calm some of the noise. Since being attacked it was like someone had opened the floodgates. Every bit of information she had in her mind was vying for attention, pushing against her, invading her reality. She thought it had been bad before she had learned to control it as a teenager, but this now was ten times worse. She could hear whispers, voices she had never heard before mumbling all around her, regurgitating long dead information— and she couldn't stop it.

She closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall, steadying her breathing. She had to get control of herself before she could do anything else. She opened her eyes slowly, her mind a little more together. She found the door she was looking for a few minutes later. She pulled a flashlight from her pocket, knowing the lights throughout the long abandoned hall no longer worked. She had let her house go, she knew it, but it was too much work for her to deal with on her own. She just hoped the place wouldn't fall down on top of her one day.

She crept quietly along the narrow hall, not wanting to alert Dean and Sam to her plan. If she was right she'd come out in the room next to the library where there was a small "L" shaped entrance behind one of the bookcases. She smirked, she couldn't wait to see the boys' faces when she popped up in the room. Sure Dean would probably be pissed, but Dean was always pissed lately.

It took several minutes of missed doors and wrong turns but Kerri finally found the room behind the library. The dust was heavy there, more so than the rest of the house. The house was far bigger than anything her small family needed and as a result many rooms had laid forgotten. Plus, as Evelyn's darker side grew, their father had less and less time for household maintenance. It was sad. Kerri knew her father had bought the house for her mother. The large structure had been empty for years, and when her mom Liz was a little girl, she used to visit it, sit in the empty rooms. After her parents married, Tom surprised his young bride by buying the rundown old house. Many people told him it was a mistake, but all these years later Kerri still had the place her mother had once loved more than anything. When she thought about it, Kerri kept a lot of things which had once belonged to her family members.

She leaned against the wall, taking care to be as quiet as she could. Sam and Dean were talking, and she wanted to know what was so secretive they had to leave her behind.

"No, Sammy."

"It's all we've got. I mean, the options there—."

"I said no. Just keep looking."

"Dean—."

"She's not a freaking roll of microfiche, Sam." Dean shouted, something large hitting the ground, most likely one of the books.

"I didn't say she was."

"Yes you did. You saw what that stuff in her head did to her first hand. And you've heard the stories about what it was like. Hell, Evelyn was so determined to stop it her spirit body-jacked you. It's a bad idea all around, Sam."

"I never said it was a good idea. I said I think it's to the point where's it's our only choice."

"There's always another choice."

"Not always."

"Yes always."

"Dean—."

"Just drop it, Sam."

"We're not gonna get any answers hiding our heads in the sand. We need to use what we have at hand to figure this out."

"And that means using Kerri? Don't you think enough people have done that already?"

Kerri closed her eyes, suddenly wishing she'd stayed back in the guest room. She was pissed about all the secrets, hurt Dean had kept so much from her— but she knew why he did it. He thought he was keeping her safe, thought he was sparing her feelings. It was noble of him, but it was still wrong. Her life was out of her control, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to reign everything back in. She just wanted to be normal, just wanted to be Kerri. But apparently, being Kerri and being normal were not mutually exclusive.

Kerri took a deep breath before jumping forward, making as much noise as she possible could. "Those passages are a whole lot smaller than I remember them being." She groused, trying to smirk at the looks on the boys faces. They knew she'd been eaves dropping the moment she popped up, and based on their expressions they were both relieved and pissed.

"What part of stay put don't you get?" Dean growled, grabbing Kerri by the arm and leading her over to a sofa.

"Apparently all of it." She shot back, pulling free of Dean's grip before brushing the dust from her shirt and jeans. "It was boring over there."

"I left you there to rest."

"Resting's overrated. You didn't break something else in my house with that little lock trick, did you?"

"I never broke anything."

"Please, my dad used to keep a list."

"That was all Sammy."

"Was not!" Sam shot back from the other side of the room. He was leaning against the frame of the open door, the empty hallway visible beyond the heavy salt lines. He was up to something, Kerri could tell by the look in his eyes, but what she didn't know. Kerri was surprised how tired he looked. Dean was worn out from stress, but Sam looked more like he was actually ill. Their focus needed to be on him, not her.

"Last I checked the 'silly putty' in the door and the hole in the back of the big closet were both your doing."

"Yeah well, I'm sure there's more things you broke."

"Did you guys find anything about getting Ev away from Sam?"

"No, but that wasn't what we were looking for." Dean answered, dropping down on the sofa and grabbing one of the large leather bound books.

"I thought that's what we agreed on."

"I don't remember agreeing to anything."

"Why is it when you go against the plan the plan somehow never existed?"

"It's just one of the wonders of the world."

"Hey, Ker," Sam began, making both Kerri and Dean turn. The younger man was standing with a book in his hand, his eyes locked on her. "Can you come here and take a look at something for me?"

"Sam—." Dean warned, but Kerri just shrugged her shoulders. She had heard everything the brothers said, but they didn't necessarily know that.

"What is it, Sam?" she asked, making her way over to the hunter. Sam took a step toward her, his long legs bringing him to her faster than she expected. Kerri tripped over Sam's foot, trying to regain her balance but failing. She fell out the door, hitting her head on the wall in the hallway. "Jesus, Sam, watch it with the monster feet."

"Sorry," Sam began, jumping over the salt and helping Kerri to her feet. "Sorry. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just hit my head."

"Kerri," Dean began, coming to stand just inside the salt line. "You're past the salt."

The redhead looked down at her feet, her sneakers resting on the worn wood floor, a few inches from the salt. She looked between the brothers. Dean looked concerned, but somewhat relieved— one problem solved. Sam, on the other hand, looked different. It was the only way Kerri could describe it. Something had changed in the younger man, something she couldn't see or place, but could feel. Yes, they definitely needed to focus on the secretive young man, because Kerri knew he would continue whatever it was he was doing if he was left unchecked. She wanted her sister back more than anything in the world, wanted to learn the secrets the young girl had harbored— but not at the cost of Sam Winchester.

Author's note:

_while the Something Lost Series is AU after season 1 there are several arcs from the series i'm working into the series. :) it will still be AU, but slowly merging back into the series arc. _


	13. Chapter 13

_hello again everyone. thank you all once again for the great reviews. the end is near for this story, only a chapter or two left. sorry about the delay in postings, life has been crazy and i've been getting sick.... again :(. I said in the last chapter that aspects from the series' myth-arc would be coming back into this series-- that doesnt include the angels or appocolypse. i hope everyone enjoys the next chapter. :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 13

Dean pushed passed a stunned Sam, helping Kerri to her feet. Even though she was currently fine he didn't want to take any chances. Their lives had been completely up in the air lately and Dean knew he needed to get control. Evelyn was still somewhere in the house, even if she was letting Sam go. Kerri was being attacked by some unknown force, and Sam wanted to use the redhead's brain like it was some kind of computer search engine. All Dean wanted was for things to be normal again— was that too much to ask for?

"Are you ok?" He asked, guiding Kerri to the leather couch, ignoring Sam's apologies. He wasn't mad at his brother, he just had other things he needed to focus on at that moment.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Dean, I'm sure. I just need some space."

It wasn't until she joked that Dean noticed he was sitting with his face just a few inches from her's. He backed up a little, sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

"I'm sorry," Sam said again, sitting next to Kerri on the sofa. "I should have been more careful."

"It's alright, Sam, you didn't do it on purpose."

"Yeah, I know." Sam looked down at his hands, fidgeting, and Dean immediately knew his brother was up to something. It was patented nervous Sam, and Dean knew to be on guard. He knew Sam would never put Kerri in danger on purpose, but he also knew his brother would put any theories he had to the test. "You could have been hurt, though."

"Why weren't you?" Dean asked before Sam could continue, shooting his brother one more glance before turning his full attention to Kerri. There was way more going on here than he knew, and that left Dean frustrated. Why did the people he cared about always find it necessary to hide things from him? It would be a hell of a lot easier to look after them all if he had the full story. But then, both the Winchesters and Harrisons had a habit of thinking they could all look after themselves, even when that wasn't the case.

"I could go bang my head against the wall if you want, Winchester." Kerri answered, rubbing her forehead. She looked so beyond tired that it left Dean breathless. At that moment he just wanted to be a kid again, working around Valley, skipping class with Kerri. He didn't want the weight of the world on his shoulders anymore, didn't want to be the adult anymore. His childhood might have been jacked, but it was still better than this.

"That's not what I meant. What changed between a few hours ago and now?"

"I have no idea, I mean, I don't feel any different." She swayed as she tried to push herself off the sofa, proving to the brothers that she was far from fine. Dean wanted to shake some sanity into her. She needed to let her stubborn streak go and admit she needed help.

"Kerri, tell me exactly what's going on." Dean ordered, pushing Kerri back down onto the couch.

"Exactly like what, exactly?"

Dean just shot her a look, letting her know now was not the time or place. He appreciated her trying to lighten the situation, he really did, but he needed her to be serious and truthful— two things she rarely was lately.

Kerri just let out a long breath, sinking back into the leather sofa. Dean was amazed how old she looked. She was nearing thirty, only a few months younger than he was, but at that moment she looked beyond her years. Her skin was pale, her blue eyes dull and sunken. At that moment Dean wanted to scoop her up in his arms and run, to take her somewhere safe, somewhere over the distant horizons her mind had always been lost to. But he learned the hard way that running was not the answer— it was impossible to hide from the dark.

"It's like it used to be. When it first started I didn't know what it was exactly. It had been going on for a few years before my dad told me what happened, or at least his version of it. The tremors first started a couple days before the Yaksha attacked Sam."

"Just the tremors started then?" Dean asked, trying to reign in his emotions. He would never forgive himself if he'd missed the signs that early on. He had promised her long ago to keep her safe, but he was slowly learning it was a promise fate would never allow him to keep.

"They might have been closer to seizures." Dean's anger spiked at Kerri's lackluster admission.

"And your dad just let it go?"

"He didn't know. I kept it hidden for a few years."

"A few years!"

"There was a lot going on back then."

"And now it's the same? The seizures again?"

"No, no seizures, just the out of control memories thing. That started happening when I was about thirteen, I guess."

"And you never told me?"

"I didn't know what it was. Hell, I thought it was ADD. I just couldn't concentrate, it wasn't the end of the world. At least it didn't seem like it back then. But then a lot of stuff wasn't what we thought it was back then."

Dean knew what Kerri meant. Back when they were younger things were different, lies were easier to believe. It was the price of being raised a hunter, Dean knew that, but it was something he never truly accepted. A necessary evil is what both his dad and Tom called it. You couldn't show weakness, couldn't falter, couldn't let your guard down. But now those same defenses were tearing them apart, and Dean didn't know how to get passed the walls they'd all built around themselves.

"So it's like that again?"

"Yeah, all the informations' there, it's just bombarding me. It's like trying to watch a hundred really loud TVs at once. And it's giving me a headache." Kerri answered, closing her eyes.

"What was it like when you had your first seizure?"

"I was sitting in my room, it was the day before our dads were coming home. I guess I just had a lot on my mind. I was just trying to focus when it happened."

"That's what was wrong with you when you were hiding in the bathroom?" Dean could remember the events of that summer like they'd just happened. The night before their fathers returned he'd put dinner in and then gone to help Elsa with some last minute chores.

He'd spoken to Kerri through the bathroom door, his heart telling him something was wrong, but he had let it go. He'd returned home that night to find a surprise backyard camp out, but again, Kerri was absent for a portion of it, using the bathroom. Dean wanted to shoot something— that stupid adage that 'hindsight was always twenty-twenty' running through his mind.

"I thought it was stress."

"Stress causing seizures at sixteen?"

"Try saying that five times fast."

"I'm not joking here, Ker. What part of having a seizure at that age seemed normal to you?"

"What part of anything in our lives at that age seemed normal?" Kerri was on her feet now, staring down Dean, even though she was at least a half a foot shorter. "Our Dads were gone for months, we were ditching school, a demon almost killed Sam. Nothing about our childhood was normal, I just didn't think."

"You never think."

"What would that have done?"

"Maybe it could have stopped the fight?"

"The fight that made your dad leave? You're blaming that on me now?"

"No. But if you spoke up they would have had something else to focus on."

"The Yaksha still followed them. One of us would have been attacked. And the bracelet probably wouldn't have come into play, which means one of us would have died. Besides, what would you have done if you found out what my dad did to me? The way that summer ended was awful, but it could have been worse."

"Worse than now?"

"What if Sam still ran and I was holed up in the house? If no one checked the basement for weapons? Your brother would have died that day, he would have been gone."

"You don't know it would have gone down like that."

"And you don't know it wouldn't have. All I'm saying is a million things could have happened differently at any point in our lives and each one would have led to a different present. But just because it would be different doesn't mean it would be better."

"Kerri—."

"Can we please get back to the task at hand, Dean?"

Dean closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He wanted to fix everything, to go back in time and make everything right— but he knew he would never have the power to do that. He had to learn to accept his past and move on, no matter how much it hurt. He still had Sam and Kerri, still had something to fight for and knew he couldn't ask for more. No amount of fighting would bring back his parents or Evelyn and Tom.

"We haven't found anything about what Tom did to you."

"What about what Evelyn's doing to Sam?"

"Huh?" Both brothers turned to Kerri.

"She used to spend a lot of time in here, whenever she was home that is. She obviously did something before she died, something to keep her soul around. It's probably in here somewhere."

"You don't have any ideas?" Dean asked, afraid pulling even the smallest bit of information from Kerri would send her on a downward spiral. She was right, though, they needed to get Evelyn away from Sam, that's how this entire mess started in the first place.

"I had a few ideas, but now it's all just jumbled. I can't get the Mac commercials out of my head long enough to figure out something useful."

"Commercials are in there?" Dean asked, a smirk spreading across his face. He really had no idea exactly what her mind was capable of, but then, he'd never really asked.

"You have no idea, Winchester. I stopped listening to the radio all through the late 90s cause that stupid barbie girl song got stuck in my head. It was like a living hell."

"Isn't it still technically in there?"

"Yeah, but thankfully music's easier to keep away."

"How come?" Sam asked, staring at Kerri like she was telling him the meaning of life. Dean just shook his head, Sam was in geek heaven, apparently.

"Stuff sticks better if there's an image to go with it. Like if it's a book I can remember what the page looks like, or memories play like a movie. Music is just sound, kind of falls to the background."

"Shit." Sam cursed under his breath, pushing himself off the couch and pacing.

"If you really want I'll remember a song for you. You know, if it means that much to you."

"It's not that."

"Then what's got your panties in a twist?" Dean shot back, though he knew Sam had just found a major hole in their plans.

"Kerri, if you look at me and I talk to you, you'll remember all of it? My body language, lip movement, voice?"

"Yeah."

"What if you couldn't see me?"

"Like I shut my eyes?"

"Or you were eaves dropping?"

Dean instantly knew what Sam was getting at. Kerri had a habit of sitting at the top of the stairs and listening to the hunters who came, listening to their stories. Dean had done it with her many times, and though they could hear every word, they couldn't actually see the occupants of the kitchen. "Shit." Dean cursed under his breath.

"Would you mind telling me what you two are cursing about?"

"You only remember what you actually study." Sam announced. "Yeah everything's there, but the only memories you can access is the stuff you actually learned on purpose."

"So anything I heard when I shouldn't have—."

"Wouldn't be a memory you could get to."

"But it would still be there."

"Yeah, but it won't be any help. It's inaccessible."

"Well that sucks."

"Sucks isn't the half of it." Dean cut in, everything becoming crystal clear. "Whoever did this to you doesn't want you knowing everything, that would make you impossible to control."

"So, the mystery man can get everything from my brain, even if I can't. Like I'm encrypted or something?" Kerri asked, her eyes steady on Dean. It wasn't good news, not by a long shot. "That means we gotta find a way for me to access my own mind."

"No, it means we gotta find a way to get everything out of your head." Dean corrected. He didn't want Kerri knowing all the secrets her mind truly harbored, that would only make her more of a target.

"Maybe we could make a trade." Sam started, earning a scowl from Dean. "Just hear me out. Find whoever this is and give him the information as long as he doesn't hurt Kerri getting it."

"No." Kerri answered before Dean had the chance. "That's not an option."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want people knowing what I know. Has the whole encounter with the Trickster completely left your mind?"

Dean had actually forgotten about the Trickster until that moment. But now he and Kerri's quiet conversation in the kitchen of the Roadhouse was coming back to him. Kerri had been a mess after her family died. In truth, she'd been a mess until that afternoon. She had watched the Demon kill her mother, and she'd kept the secret for twenty-two years. When she'd finally opened up about it it had been to John, who in true John Winchester fashion flipped and headed out on the road alone, leaving Kerri behind. Needless to say, she clammed up about everything, telling Dean the truth only when a Trickster nearly took her life— all in an attempt to see if she would spill the information inside her mind. And, even when the creature had threatened Sam's life, Kerri had still held firm on her secrets. No, there was only one option, and that was erasing the information all together. Dean knew Kerri was willing to take what she knew to the grave, but he wasn't ready to lose her, not now and not ever.

Dean was about to answer when the house phone began to ring.

"I'll get it." Kerri sighed, pushing passed Dean. He caught her before she had the chance to step over the salt.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To answer my phone."

"Leave it go."

"What if it's important?"

"This is more important." Dean held Kerri firm, staring her down as the phone stopped ringing. They had other things to deal with. But, much to Dean's dismay, no less than a minute later the phone began ringing again. "You don't have a phone up here?"

"No. I'm not normally up here so that wouldn't make much sense."

"Fine, I'll go with you. Sammy, keep searching for good ideas up here."

"Sure thing, Captain." Sam saluted, Dean giving him the finger before following Kerri down the hall.

666666666

Sam watched the pair leave— he couldn't believe he and Evelyn's plan had worked. When Evelyn came to him and told him the things she could do and the things she could teach him, Sam wasn't sure she was telling him the truth. But he could feel the power inside him now, could feel the change. And it terrified him. It was like a floodgate had opened and he knew in his heart that shielding Kerri was only the tip of the iceberg. There was so much more the cryptic brunette wasn't telling him, and though they'd grown up together, Sam wasn't sure he should follow her blindly.

After all, he'd seen Evelyn's secret hiding place. He couldn't believe how the girl had changed. He remembered her as vibrant, as a prankster, as a happy kid. But after his family's departure, after the Yellow Eyed Demon came into her life, she had changed and that change still shocked Sam to his core. The girl who was now with him and teaching him wasn't the girl he'd spent over half his life with. But he agreed to help her, and he knew in his heart there was no turning back. Sam knew he could keep whatever was attacking Kerri at bay, but the heart of the problem was something he couldn't fix— not yet.

When Evelyn told Sam to get Kerri past the salt, he wasn't sure he should do it. He saw the pain the redhead went through whenever she crossed the lines. Worse still— he saw what that pain did to Dean. Sam knew in his heart he would never understand the bond his brother and Kerri shared. There was something more there, something deeper than anything he could explain, and putting that bond in jeopardy was the one part of Evelyn's plan Sam dreaded. But like before, the dead brunette had been right.

He could feel whatever psychic energy which had been assaulting Kerri butting up against his own mind-- like mortars against a brick wall. He knew he had to control it, though, knew he had to control himself. He could hear Evelyn's voice, barely more than a whisper, telling him what to do, telling him to rely on his own strength to let the power come. And, the more he listened to Evelyn, the more distant the psychic assault became.

He didn't want Kerri or Dean to know what he and Evelyn were doing, because he knew how both would respond. His brother and Kerri would each give their lives for him, hell, they'd both come close to being lost on more than one occasion. Yet both refused to let their younger siblings help them.

Sam felt a pang of guilt when Dean and Kerri left the room. He didn't like lying to the older pair, but he knew in this case he had no other option. He needed to protect her, needed to give Dean a reprieve from the constant worry of looking out for everyone. He knew he could do this, knew the strength was in him to keep those he cared about safe, but he also knew Kerri and Dean would never be able to accept that.

Sam took a deep breath, trying to plan his moves carefully. He knew what was going on now, or at least part of it, but he didn't want to tip the others off to Evelyn's involvement. He knew now he need to keep the girl with him, needed to let her soul hide in his— there was no other way. Evelyn could help him look for a way to save Dean and Kerri, a way around the Yellow Eyed Demon, and he knew that was something he couldn't turn his back on.

Sam looked back at the doorway Kerri and Dean had vanished through a moment before. He hated lying to them, hated keeping secrets, but he knew it was something that had to be done. He was protecting them, saving them, and he didn't care how he did it. The supernatural world had taken everything from him and his family and now it was giving something back— and Sam knew he couldn't ignore that.


	14. Chapter 14

_thank you all again for the great reviews!! this is the final chapter. i hope you all enjoyed the story :)_

**OUT OF SIGHT, BUT IN MY MIND**

Chapter 14

Kerri rolled her eyes as she and Dean finally managed to get to the kitchen. She only had one house phone, and while it was cordless it rarely left the kitchen or basement. But then, they were the only two rooms Kerri was ever in. The phone had already gone to the machine twice, the caller hanging up and redialing each time. Whoever this was they were persistent and completely set on speaking to her in person.

"You got a stalker I don't know about or something?" Dean asked, pushing passed her when they entered the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's one of my many secrets."

"At this point I wouldn't be surprised."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"I love ya, Ker, but you're not really instilling much confidence these days."

"Says one of the members of the Winchester secret factory."

Dean shot her a look, grabbing the ringing phone a fraction of a second before she could. He was really starting to piss her off— this was her house after all.

"Yeah?" Dean barked into the receiver.

"Nice manners."

Dean rolled his eyes at her comment, hanging up the phone. "No one was there."

"Maybe they finally gave up."

No sooner had Kerri spoken then the phone rang again. "Who is this?" Dean asked, answering on the second ring. But judging by his reaction and language the caller had once again hung up.

"I think whoever it is wants to talk to me."

"Like hell. I'm not gonna let you talk to some creepy stalker dude."

"Dean, whoever it is wants me."

"And you don't seem to think that's a bad idea. Did you forget you were mentally wacked a few hours ago?"

"Did you forget you were bordering on dead a few days ago?"

"Are we comparing injuries? Because yours are a little more recent."

"Yeah, but I recovered faster, now let me answer my phone."

"Ker." Dean sighed, sounding so desperate it made Kerri stop. "I'm worried about you. What's happening to you now— it scares me."

Kerri didn't know how to react. Dean was never afraid, it wasn't in his vocabulary. He always had a smart remark, always had a smirk on his face and a well placed right hook. But this was something unseen stealing her away from him, something he didn't understand— and for the first time, Kerri was also afraid.

She didn't truly realize until that moment how much she relied on Dean. She needed him there to keep her safe, to keep the bad guys away. To Kerri Harrison Dean was safety, was the light in the dark, and he was something she needed all her life. She had latched onto him decades before, and she knew in her heart she wouldn't be able to face the future without him.

Her heart skipped a beat a moment later, all her resolve crumbling when the phone began to ring. Her pulse increased with each chime, her fear growing with each passing second. She looked at Dean, her blue eyes meeting his green ones.

Silently, Dean reached for the phone, moving closer to her as he did so. Yes the threat was over a phone line, but Kerri still felt a rush of relief, knowing Dean was there to protect her. "You're not talking to Kerri unless you talk to me first—."

Dean's head shot up, their eyes locking with hers. Kerri was taken aback at the pure emotion reflected in his green gaze. "Who are you?" Dean asked, motioning to Kerri for a pen and paper. He scribbled with words 'speaker phone?'.

Kerri nodded, pressing a button at the back of the cordless phone's dock. The redhead's blood ran cold when a scratchy, icy voice filled the room. _"I wish to speak with Miss Harrison."_

"I asked who you were." Dean demanded.

_"And I asked for Miss Harrison."_

"I'm right here." Kerri spoke up, Dean punching her a second later. She mouthed 'ow' punching him back.

_"Turn off the speaker phone."_

"No. You wanna talk to me? This is how. Now, who are you?"

_"My name is Victor."_

"Do I know you?" Kerri continued the conversation, Dean remaining frighteningly silent. She wanted to hang up, to get away from whoever was on the other end of the line, but something kept her listening.

_"Not that you remember. I gave you back your vision."_

Kerri's heart nearly stopped. This was the man responsible for it all, the man Evelyn, Sam and Dean had seen and heard. And she knew him calling now couldn't be a coincidence. "Why are you calling me?" she didn't want to give too much away. A lot had happened in the last few days and she didn't want to feed the mystery man any information.

_"Something's after you. I wanted to warn you."_

"A little late, Pal." Dean spoke up, moving closer to Kerri.

_"So it started? I'm sorry."_

"Sorry?" Dean growled, thankfully taking over the conversation. "You're the bastard who started this."

_"It wasn't me. I told her father not to come. I told him what he wanted came at a price."_

"What price?"

_"I'm not a healer. More of a middle man."_

"Give me a straight answer or we're hanging up."

_"Only demons can make a deal. I couldn't fix your eyes. I thought I might be able to, but once I examined you I realized the damage was too great. But your father, he wouldn't take no for an answer. I told him the consequences, but he still moved forward. Now the demon has come to collect. I thought there would be more time, I'm sorry."_

"Can you fix it?" Dean asked, his voice sharp. But there was something else in his eyes, a mix of emotions Kerri couldn't quite place. And it unnerved her.

_"I don't believe so."_

"Damn it."

_"Wait, you said it already started?"_

"Yeah, so?"

_"So, once the demon comes for her, there's no turning back. She should be brain dead."_

"Brain dead?" Kerri breathed. She had thought this was a way out, a way to survive, but now she knew this was all little more than a death sentence. And she knew it would be a death without peace— her soul would belong to someone else.

_"The harvesting is very destructive."_ Victor stated evenly, like he was talking about a toaster or some other object.

"Can you get the information out without hurting her?" Dean asked.

_"I don't know of any ways. As far as I know the process is organic. It becomes a part of the mind. But then, this is something I've never before come across— it was an experiment at the time."_

"So there could still be a way?"

_"Possibly. Bring her to me, I'll see if anything has changed."_

"And how do I know you're legit?"

_"You don't. Stay home if you prefer, but I wouldn't get too attached to Kerri if I were you."_

Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead. He was admitting defeat. "Where are you?"

Dean wrote down Victor's address, Kerri barely aware of the words the two were speaking. This was going to kill her, hell it already should have. She looked over at Dean after he hung up the phone. He had his back to her, texting Sam most likely. Maybe it would be better if she was gone. She had drug them into this, putting Sam in danger. They had other things to worry about, the war with the Yellow Eyed Demon was growing more real with each passing day.

She'd been looking into the enigmatic demon, trying to figure out its endgame, and everything she she found made her believe the boys needed to get away from it. And that would be easier without her. She had turned into nothing short of a beacon for the supernatural world. Her secret was out and the Trickster said that while he could keep her secrets hidden, he couldn't do the same for the Winchesters. Plus, she was stationary, making her a prime target for any humans with a grudge. She was afraid of being alone, and in her blind quest to fill that lonely void, she'd put both the Winchester brothers in danger.

"He's not answering, I'm gonna head up there to get him."

"Alright, I'll be here." Kerri answered halfheartedly.

"Hey," Dean began softly, resting his hands on her shoulders. "I'm gonna take care of this. I'm gonna make it better."

"Something feels wrong."

"Just something? I'm open to other ideas, Ker, but right now I'm not seeing any."

"This sucks."

"Nothing's gonna get you. I'll make sure of it."

"Yeah," Kerri tried to smile, though it didn't reach her eyes.

"Ker, you believe me, right?"

"I'll always believe you, Dean. I'm fine, go check on Sam."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. We'll be down in a minute."

Kerri watched Dean disappear up the back stairs, her heart heavy. She looked down at the paper by the phone, committing the address to memory almost instantly. She glanced around her old house again, listening to the sound of Dean's footsteps overhead. She'd been hiding behind him for too long.

With one last sigh she grabbed her car keys. Dean would never understand, but Kerri knew this was something she had to do alone. If it killed her, then so be it, but she refused to take anyone else down with her. This was her fight, something her family had started, Dean and Sam didn't need to be brought into the middle of it. Someday Dean would forget, someday he would move on. After all, he'd done exactly that thirteen years ago.

666666666666

Victor Rayner hung up the phone. This chase was turning out to be better than he had planned. He was dealing with three very strong people this time, not the weak excuses who normally came to him, begging him for help and then cursing the outcome. No, the Winchesters and Kerri were different, and it was a difference which enticed the witch. He was sick of helping women commune with their dead cats or getting back at the nosy neighbors. This prize, this was his lottery. There was no limit to the information stored in the young redhead's mind— and he already had several bidders in line. This was what he needed, if only he could get at it.

But something was there, blocking him, keeping him away, and it was something even he couldn't figure out. Victor thought he knew every trick in the book, every spell which could be cast, every loophole. But this was proving far more difficult than he ever dreamed— and that only made the game all the more exciting.

"Like leading lambs to the slaughter." He smirked, pulling a smoldering cigar from the ashtray near the phone. "How long have you truly been planning this?" He asked, turning to the man sitting on the other side of the dim room.

Victor preferred to work alone, but when the man had come to him all those years ago and told him about the redhead and her father, Victor couldn't say no to the proposal. The pitch was just too enticing, and all these years later, he was still happy he'd accepted the offer.

"Long enough." The other man answered, leaning back in the worn arm chair. He swirled the whisky around his glass before taking a sip.

"I hope your work wasn't for nothing. You've got quite the bluff going on."

"When you hold all the cards, Victor, it's not a bluff."

"Yeah, but are you sure you're the one holding the cards? Kerri and Dean had no clue what was really going on. Something else is blocking me."

"I know."

"You do, do you? And were you ever gonna clue me in?"

"I wasn't planning on it." The man answered coldly, puffing on his own cigar.

"I'm the only one who can pull all that stuff back out of her head. And I can't do it if something's in the way. So you better stop holding out on me—."

"Or what?" The man asked, standing. Victor took a step back, he'd learned the hard way to keep his temper down when around his partner. Rayner knew he had to tread lightly, because once the information was out of Kerri's mind, he would no longer be useful.

"Nothing. I'm just saying things'll go smoother if I know what I'm up against."

"You're up against children, Victor."

"Why bring them here? You can just tell me what's blocking her and I'll get rid of it."

"Because I want them here. You see, I want what's blocking her, or more precise, who."

"A human is doing this?"

"You thought I just wanted the Harrison girl so I could hold all the world's information in the balm of my hands? You thought I was that shortsighted?"

"No, I didn't mean—."

"This is bigger than you'll ever realize, Victor. See, these aren't just any children, they're my special ones." The man smiled, stepping closer. Victor looked away, the man's sickly yellow eyes sending chills up his spine. He had known from day one the man was a demon— but he was a demon unlike any Victor had seen before.

"If you're talking about the Winchesters they weren't there when you first came to me. It was just the redhead." Rayner had kept close watch on Kerri over the years— tending to her as if she was his private garden.

The demon just smiled. "In 1972, I met a wonderful woman by the name of Liz McKeen. I helped her out and all she had to do was one little favor ten years later. That pretty thing was Kerri's mom. And all these years later, the plan still worked out. Humans, you're all about free will, think you have a choice and all that crap. But see, there's always something else at work, something else behind the scenes. There's always more than one hand rocking the cradle. Sam Winchester is mine, and once I get what's in Kerri's head— the world will know who the real saviour is.

"Don't try to harvest her again till they're here. Your charms are stronger than anything the Winchesters can hide behind. Once I have Sam and Kerri, you'll get your reward."

"And what about Dean Winchester?"

"Dean Winchester is just someone who got in the way. Take care of him however you see fit."


End file.
